Chapter 3
“Listen carefully. We’re looking for a woman with a butterfly tattoo on her hand.”
“She also has a diamond ring the size of a pigeon’s egg. Ideally, she’ll be wearing a red dress.”
I took out the video and showed the three idiots.
“If you spot anyone who fits that description, bring her to me immediately. That’s who we’re looking for.”
“Understood?”
All three idiots nodded.
“Understood.”
I didn’t believe them for a second.
“Repeat it back to me.”
Li Yu:
“A woman in flowery clothes who lays eggs and has red clothes on her hand.”
Invincible Darling:
“Red. That’s First Brother.”
His eyes suddenly reddened. He covered his face and cried.
“Are we looking for my long-lost First Brother?”
“I’m Sixth Brother, the invisible one. I miss you!”
Bashful Boy:
“Help Gourd Bro find First Brother!”
…Forget I said anything.
I went over it several more times before they finally remembered the general idea.
I was dragged off to sweep and mop while the three idiots sat happily eating a fruit platter.
That was when I discovered Bashful Boy could rival an African hyena.
He held a durian and tore into it with his teeth.
He actually gnawed his way through an entire durian to get at the flesh.
Holding up a piece, he said:
“Gourd Bro, have some!”
Invincible Darling looked at him as though he were an idiot.
“Who are you trying to fool? The flesh stinks!”
I watched, dumbfounded, as Invincible Darling chewed up the durian shell and washed it down with water.
Li Yu lounged in a chair, cracking sunflower seeds.
I finished mopping, miserable and drenched in sweat.
Li Yu came over with a huge handful of shelled seeds.
“For baby.”
I looked at him. He could be rather considerate…
I offered him half.
“We’ll share.”
Li Yu shook his head.
“They’re all baby’s.”
With him watching so expectantly, I ate the entire handful.
I’d just swallowed when he leaned against my ear.
“Baby, I cracked every single shell with my mouth.”
“And I licked them. Does that count as us kissing?”
I… Urgh!
I’d finally got the floor clean. I threw up straight onto it.
A manager came over and pointed at me.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
“Making a mess. That’s a fine!”
“Clean it up right now!”
Before I could answer, Li Yu grabbed the manager, pressed him to the floor, then dragged him along and hurled him out of the room.
“Off you go!”
Li Yu smiled at me.
“All clean, baby. Aren’t I clever? Praise me.”
I rubbed my head.
“Fucking brilliant.”
I hurried outside. I couldn’t stay in that room. Who knew what they’d do next?
I’d barely left when Lili arrived and led the three of them toward another private room.
They followed a long line of male hosts, standing out like cranes among chickens.
I listened at the door. I refused to believe anyone would pick those three.
Then a woman inside clapped in delight.
“Wonderful! I’ve been to plenty of nightclubs, and no matter what you do, it’s always people. These three are something else.”
“We’ll take all three!”
I clutched my head. Great. The novelty factor.
Suddenly they were hot property.
At that moment I felt exactly like a certain older guy:
“I fucking don’t get it! Are people’s tastes really this peculiar now?”
“Do you have to wrap a steamed bun in a pancake and eat it with rice?”
I braced myself to go in and take their order, but Li Yu had already come out.
A woman lay on the floor, foaming at the mouth.
“Heh heh, baby, I found her. Look, she’s got a moth!”
My eyes lit up. I hurried to inspect the hand he was holding. I stared. Wasn’t that a snake?
Li Yu grinned.
“It’s a maggot. Maggots grow up into moths!”
Since when the fuck did maggots grow into moths…?
I looked at the foaming woman.
“What happened to her?”
Li Yu answered very seriously.
“She wouldn’t come let baby have a look, so I knocked her out!”
I checked her. Just foaming at the mouth. Fine. Not dead.
This woman was a legendary champion of surviving things.
As I stood there wondering what to do, the other two emerged as well.
Invincible Darling was dragging someone, while Bashful Boy was coiled on somebody else’s head.
In perfect unison, they announced:
“Found her!”