Chapter 5
Chapter 5
Bai Ruohuan fell ill.
I pinched my nose and went to visit her, furious at her for being so hopeless. “What? Lovesick already?”
What an absolute sucker.
Bai Ruohuan hugged a porcelain pillow in her arms, tears brimming on her lashes. “You refused to come see me. Of course I grew melancholy.”
Me: ?
“Talk like a normal person.” I made a strategic retreat.
She gazed at me with a pair of soulful eyes and pouted. “You look so rosy and carefree, yet you have no idea how hard my days have been.”
“Missing a man is such a miserable thing, and you still have the nerve to be sad about it?” I was shocked.
“It’s not just a man I’m missing.” She lowered her eyes shyly, then looked at me again.
Help.
The heroine had jumped off the city wall three times, and at last she’d smashed her brain to pieces. Now she had a romance-brain for everyone she saw.
Nope. I was not taking this job. Saving someone was one thing, but not if I had to sacrifice myself too.
What did she think I was, some grand philanthropist from a healing-and-redemption novel? The kind who throws her entire mind and body into saving some tragic protagonist, villain, or cannon fodder?
Still…
My eyes shifted. “You can’t miss us both. You can only choose one.”
Go on. Choose Liang Qingci. Then I’d go with the flow and tell her how worthless her first three deaths had been.
Bai Ruohuan twisted her fingers sadly. “Then I’ll have to think about who to choose.”
…
What an honor. Apparently I was worthy of consideration.
Since she hadn’t chosen Liang Qingci immediately, perhaps there was still hope for her.
Bai Ruohuan said, “The way my heart moves for each of you is different.”
She spoke in distress. “When I meet you, my heart beats faster, and I feel happy. But when I met him, I felt that I was born to live for him in this life. I could give him my life.”
…
What had I been hoping for?
This woman was done for.
She had even managed to teach herself a scumbag buff on top of her romance-brain.
I love him, but I love you too!
“As long as a person is alive, their heart beats,” I said sarcastically.
She said, “You don’t understand. It’s not the same.”
That thick soap-opera melodrama, that brain-cell-lowering aura.
Afraid I’d catch it, I slipped away.
I was an idiot. A huge idiot.
After spending so long as a brainless gluttonous snake, I’d actually fantasized about reforming a romance-brain through gentle persuasion.
Even death hadn’t managed to reform her. Who did I think I was? All I did was get myself dragged into the mess.
Whenever Bai Ruohuan had nothing to do, she harassed me, hugging her pillow like some tragic melodrama heroine. “Yanyan, Yanyan!”
What even was this?
As the city spirit, I could hear or block out the words of everyone within my domain whenever I liked. During my fixed eight hours of sleep every day, I never turned my hearing on. I had to save my energy for work hours!
But Bai Ruohuan had a heroine halo. Her voice could not only reach my ears at any time, but also came with glowing white subtitles.
“Yanyan, Yanyan, where are you!
“Yanyan, Yanyan!
“Yanyan!”
Noisy and glowing.
I was a spirit, and she still tortured dark circles onto my face.
I emerged from the ground behind her, silent as a shadow, raised my hand, and chopped the back of her neck.
Bai Ruohuan’s eyes rolled back, and she collapsed.
The world was quiet.
Wait.
I suddenly thought of a brilliant plan.
What did it mean to overcome all tricks with sheer force? I understood now.
Monks in temples didn’t just use their mouths to chant sutras and wooden fish to guide people to salvation. Didn’t they also have the classic wake-up blow, a stick to the head to teach someone how to behave?
According to the previous times, Bai Ruohuan would save Liang Qingci from an assassination attempt at a palace banquet, and because of that, she would be granted the title of Crown Princess.
So I advanced toward the patch of land where the imperial palace stood and staked it out.
That night, the palace was brightly lit everywhere, yet through a twist of fate, Bai Ruohuan walked down a dim little path.
Her foot kicked something. Before she could take a closer look, her vision suddenly went black.
I withdrew the hand I’d used for the sneak attack, hoisted Bai Ruohuan’s limp body over my shoulder, and ran!
Farewell, male lead! Today, I shall carry the heroine away and set sail toward the shores of wisdom.
You just lie there for now. No need to rush.