Chapter 5

Though I now had somewhere to stay for a while, my spirits remained low.

I suddenly remembered sitting in the courtyard with Mother, Father, and my brother when I was little, admiring the moon.

They had asked whom I liked best.

Cunningly, I said, “All of you. I like all of you.”

As I spoke, I kissed each of them on the cheek.

All three laughed.

Mother held me and braided my hair, while Father and my brother sat nearby making me a kite.

Back then, I thought life was supposed to be happy and whole.

It wasn’t.

In my brother’s second year as an official, he accidentally fell into the water while working on disaster relief. They never even found his body.

Mother fell ill and never recovered. Before long, she too was gone.

It happened just when Xiao Zhaoming was deposed. I was imprisoned with him and could not go where I pleased.

Only later did I learn that Father had fallen ill too. Somehow he held on long enough to see me one last time.

Father said he was tired and wanted a nap. When he woke, he would make the sweet soup I loved.

Then he never woke again.

I didn’t want to think about it anymore. I covered my eyes, trying hard to hold back my tears.

Beside me, Yushan suddenly said, “Your Highness, where are your parents and brother buried? It’s a long journey. You should see them before you leave.”

Afraid someone might notice something amiss, I dared not bring offerings.

But I knew they wouldn’t mind.

I thought I would cry without stopping and tell them every wrong I had suffered, just as I had when I was little.

Yet when I truly saw their graves, miraculously, I didn’t shed a tear.

They loved me so much. If they heard I was unhappy, they would find no peace or joy even in the next life.

“I…” Without much conviction, I said, “Father, Mother, Brother, I’ll take good care of myself from now on.”

“I’ll earn lots of money to support myself, too.”

“And Xiao Zhaoming isn’t a good husband. I won’t see him again. I’ll forget him. I promise!”

The more I spoke, the more certain I grew. I reached out and pulled the weeds in front of their graves.

“I’m going now. To have been a child of the Cui family in this life was three lifetimes’ worth of good fortune.”

“Give me another three lifetimes to save up my luck, and the four of us can be a family again.”

I forced a smile, turned, and ran back to the carriage.

The horses carried Yushan and me away. I lifted the curtain and found that I could no longer see their graves.

Only then did I lower my head and break into uncontrollable sobs.

Yushan didn’t tell me to stop crying.

He simply stayed beside me and wiped away my tears.

“Cry. You’ll feel better once you’ve cried it out.”

He was right. Crying did make me feel much better.

After a long journey, I finally reached his home.

To be honest, I was astonished.

When he said he had money, he really meant it.

His home was not the little house I had imagined, but an estate covering a great expanse of land.

Painted beams and carved pillars, strange rock formations and miniature mountains.

It was night when I arrived.

Candles shone everywhere, mist wreathed the grounds, and it seemed like a realm of immortals.

With perfect earnestness, Yushan said modestly, “My poor home is rather simple. Forgive the inadequate welcome, Your Highness.”

Then he led me to a room even more luxurious than my bedchamber in the palace.