Chapter 3

Self-deception always ends in humiliation.

Ji Yan kept a suitcase in his study, filled with presents Cheng Shu had given him.

One day off, while I was cleaning,

some feeling I couldn’t quite name made me put the suitcase away in the basement.

When Ji Yan came home from work that evening,

he came to the kitchen first.

“I made beef stew with tomatoes tonight. Do you like that…?”

Ji Yan wasn’t much of a talker. After a little over two months of marriage, I still didn’t really know his tastes.

Leaning against the doorframe, he gave a slight nod.

His eyes dropped to my belly, which was just starting to show.

“I’ll hire someone to look after you tomorrow.”

I shook my head. “It’s okay. I can still manage…”

Before I could finish, something moved in my belly.

I froze.

Ji Yan asked, “What is it?”

“I think the baby just kicked me.”

The corners of his mouth lifted a little, and he chuckled.

“The baby agrees about hiring someone.”

I tightened my grip on the spatula. My heart seemed to float upward.

That slight feeling of falling left me dizzy and unsteady.

Ji Yan went back to his study.

When he came out again a moment later, I asked instinctively,

“Is there something else you’d like to eat?”

“Did you touch my suitcase?”

I stopped.

After a few seconds, I answered as casually as I could.

“It looked as if it was full of odds and ends, so I put it in the basement.”

Ji Yan said nothing. He stared straight at me.

“Are the things inside really important to you…?”

A faint scoff sounded in the kitchen.

It was almost, but not quite, mocking.

“Meng Ning.”

“No need to be so indirect,” he said.

“Just ask whether Cheng Shu is important to me.”

The tomato-and-beef stew was at the stage where the sauce needed to reduce.

The bubbling made this room, with its frozen atmosphere, feel even more disjointed.

I stood rooted to the spot and swallowed, but my throat stayed dry.

“So is she?”

“What do you think?”

Ji Yan’s matter-of-fact tone made it sound as though I had asked something ridiculous.

“I was with her for three years. I’ve been married to you for less than three months.”

“I can’t even say I like you.”

He looked at me. “You wanted to test me, so I’ve spelled it all out. Satisfied now?”

I couldn’t find another word with which to invite more humiliation.

Ji Yan went down to the basement and carried the suitcase back upstairs.

A faint burnt smell rose from the pan.

I finally regained control of my limbs, hurriedly switched off the heat, and dished up the stew.

Once the food was on the table, Ji Yan went into his study without looking at it.

I sat at the dining table, glancing at the study door every so often and digging my fingernails anxiously into my palm.

Ten minutes or so later, the doorbell rang.

I got up to answer it.

“Hello. Is this the place that needs a keypad lock installed?”

I stared at him blankly. “…What?”

Ji Yan’s cool voice came from behind me.

“I called you.”

“Come in.”

The locksmith crouched at the study door and got to work.

“Then, as requested, I’ll leave you just one key.”

“You only want to be able to open it yourself, right?”

Ji Yan murmured an assent.

I sat at the table and put rice into my mouth, one bite at a time.

Even when I finished, I hadn’t tasted the burnt stew.

I put down my chopsticks and went to the bedroom to pack some clothes I wore often and a few everyday necessities.

Pulling out my suitcase, I kept my head down as I told Ji Yan,

“Things are busy at work lately. I have to stay late, and the commute isn’t convenient.”

“I’ll move back into the company dormitory for a while.”

Ji Yan was examining the new lock.

Without lifting his head, he said, “All right.”