Chapter 2

I wasn’t surprised that Cheng Shu had come home and the two of them were in touch again.

Ji Yan had liked her all these years.

If they hadn’t broken up in a fit of temper over her plans to study abroad when we graduated, leaving Ji Yan to get drunk every day,

we wouldn’t have spent that confused night together, and I wouldn’t have become pregnant.

Ji Yan would never have proposed marriage to me.

When I heard the word “marriage,” I had hurried to explain,

“I’m not here to force you to marry me…”

“I just thought that, if I have an abortion, I’m a little scared to go through the procedure alone.”

In the café, Ji Yan stirred the pattern in his coffee with bored indifference. He didn’t even raise his eyes.

“So you don’t want to get married?”

“Then I’m leaving.”

He stood up.

As he passed me, I caught his sleeve.

My face was bright red.

It felt as if a hundred butterflies were flying around inside my chest.

“I—I do…”

Ji Yan looked down at me for a few seconds, his expression unchanged.

“We’ll register the marriage on Monday. I’ll pick you up.”

I thought his willingness to marry me

meant that, at the very least, he liked me a little.

Even if that little bit of affection was smaller and lighter than a speck of dust in the air.

Optimistically, I thought we could build on it over time.

Then came the third month of our marriage.

Ji Yan and I ran into each other in a restaurant corridor.

He was there for a friend’s birthday, while I was having dinner with my coworkers.

His friend was berating him in exasperation.

“If you’re still in love with Cheng Shu, fly to Los Angeles and go after her. She’s a girl. Why are you being so stubborn with her?”

“Last time you got drunk, you thought she had a new boyfriend, so you called her and said that if she dared date someone else, you’d marry someone else.”

“Is talking out of anger all you know how to do?”

A cigarette glowed between Ji Yan’s fingers. His eyelids drooped.

“There’s no chance for us anymore.”

“Meng Ning, what are you staring at?”

“I’m telling you, you’re pregnant. If the manager pressures you to drink later, just refuse, understand?” My coworker nudged my arm.

Ji Yan turned around.

The yellowish light from the overhead spotlight blurred whatever was in his eyes, making it impossible to read.

His friend had also been our college classmate and knew me.

He came over in surprise.

“Meng Ning? That was fast. We’ve only been out of college a few months, and you’re already married and pregnant.”

I forced myself to look away from Ji Yan.

“Yes…”

I tried to smile, but couldn’t.

“I’m married…”

His friend looked back at Ji Yan.

“Put that out. Pregnant women shouldn’t breathe cigarette smoke.”

Ji Yan crushed out his cigarette as instructed.

Dinner ended.

That night, I reached home before Ji Yan.

I had just washed up and gone to bed when he came home too.

Half an hour later, he emerged from the bathroom and lay down on the other side.

He smelled of the same woody shower gel I used.

His toes brushed my feet. They were a little cold.

Ji Yan asked, “Feeling cold?”

With my back to him, I said, “A little.”

He pulled me into his arms with practiced ease. “Go to sleep.”

I murmured an agreement.

His breathing behind me gradually settled.

I lay awake until dawn.

Neither of us mentioned his conversation with his friend the night before.

When I got up in the morning, I saw two packs of cigarettes and a lighter in the rubbish bin.

Because of that comment about pregnant women and cigarette smoke, Ji Yan had decided to quit smoking.

I stood there lost in thought for a while.

Then I began reassuring myself again.

Even if Ji Yan had married me out of spite,

he had treated me reasonably well since our wedding. Perhaps he was beginning to get over Cheng Shu.