Chapter 1
I looked at the old man prostrate at my feet.
My expression darkened.
“Please go home, my lord. I understand.”
The wind drove snowflakes into my collar. Behind me, the old man shouted in fury.
“Xie Yuanzhen!”
“Will you truly make His Majesty betray his duty?”
“Do you want the historians to record that he favored a male attendant?”
“Must posterity condemn him as a foolish, dissolute ruler before you are satisfied?”
I walked farther and farther away.
His voice was swept off by the howling wind. I could scarcely make out the words anymore.
When I returned to Taiji Hall,
Xiao Shunzi was waiting at the entrance, peering out.
“You’re back at last, my lord.”
“His Majesty has been looking for you.”
I brushed the snow from my shoulders before stepping inside.
Pei Guannan was reviewing memorials.
He heard my footsteps but did not raise his head.
He merely held out a hand. “Come here.”
I went over. He caught hold of me and pulled me into his lap.
His vermilion brush dragged a red streak across the memorial.
Only then did he frown. “Tch.”
I replaced it with another.
Resting his chin on my shoulder, he nuzzled against me and went on reading.
The memorials were stacked high.
The one on top petitioned His Majesty to fill his harem.
Without so much as looking at it, he tossed it aside.
“Any more?”
I handed him another.
Another petition to appoint an empress.
He lifted his brush. Vermilion ink touched the page.
Denied.
I kept handing them over.
The Court of the Imperial Clan petitioned His Majesty to adopt a son from the imperial family.
Denied.
The pile on the desk dwindled. The pile on the floor grew.
At last Pei Guannan lost patience and flung his brush onto the desk.
“Xie Yuanzhen.”
“I am here.”
“I’m thirsty.”
I rose to pour tea and placed it in his hand.
Barely two sips later: “Xie Yuanzhen.”
“I am here.”
“My shoulders ache.”
I put down the cup and massaged his shoulders.
I was used to doing these things. He was used to asking them of me.
I supposed outsiders would never believe it.
The new sovereign whom every civil and military official served in trembling fear
was, with me, a fussy eater who dreaded bitter medicine and could not sleep in an unfamiliar bed.
When drunk, he was a nuisance.
I had to hand him his memorials and pour his tea.
If he could not sleep at night, he would even wake me to keep him company.
We had lived like this for fifteen years.
We had lived in the Eastern Palace, stayed at Yun’an Temple, endured the torments of the imperial prison.
We had survived the hardest times.
I was no saint.
I had selfish desires.
In the first year of his reign, the Ministry of Rites began pressing him to appoint an empress.
He flung back his sleeves and walked out of court.
In the third year, a censor dashed himself to death in the throne hall.
In the fourth, the imperial clan sent portraits of more than a dozen eligible young women.
Pei Guannan burned them in front of me.
I had never urged him otherwise. I had even selfishly thought:
A whole lifetime like this would be rather good.