chapter 5
chapter 5
Shen Yunfeng and I shared a carriage back to the Shen residence.
He looked displeased and said nothing. Since we had to live together, we could hardly remain at odds forever, so I spoke first.
“Do not take my parents’ words to heart. Rest assured, I have no designs on you.”
He gazed out the window. “I know. You are a good woman.”
The streets outside bustled, but his voice was subdued.
“Ah Lan is good too. She simply feels terribly insecure. Please do not blame her.”
I nodded. “I would rather deal honestly with someone as direct as Miss Meng than trade false smiles and schemes with the women in most inner courts.
“I told you I admired your courage in defying convention. I admire her fearlessness as well.”
A poor fisherman’s daughter had followed the man she loved to Chang’an. She put on elaborate gowns and tasted delicacies she had never imagined, condemning her own lowliness even as she arrogantly drove away rivals.
In time, she began to imagine she was no different from the noblewomen. She dressed with care and tried to charm everyone at banquets, but no one paid her any attention.
Perhaps that was when she finally understood the importance society placed on station. The moment she overstepped its bounds, she would receive no admiration—only derision, mockery, and isolation.
She was merely another pitiful soul rowing alone across the rigid currents of class.
For the first time, Shen Yunfeng studied me from head to toe.
“Cui Qizhen, you truly are unlike anyone else.”
I turned away without answering.
Was I not doing the same thing? The waves of convention were violent; each of us could only row ourselves across.
Just before we reached the residence, Shen Yunfeng told me Meng Lan was pregnant.
My deadened heart sprang to life like wild grass. “Truly?”
He nodded. “The physician examined her. A little over a month.”
So that was why he had been unable to leave her for my homecoming visit.
“Congratulations. You are going to be a father.”
His eyes curved with the joy of a man expecting his first child.
“Ah Lan is careless. I will need you to help look after her health.”
“Naturally.”
Afraid I had agreed too quickly, I added, “I am also the child’s mother in name. If Miss Meng wishes to raise the baby herself after the birth, so much the better.”
A concubine had no right to raise her own child. By custom, the baby was always delivered to the principal wife.
My meaning was clear: I would not fight her for this child.
Shen Yunfeng thanked me with genuine feeling.
“It is only right,” I said.
May heaven protect Meng Lan through childbirth. Better still, may she bear a son who grows safely to adulthood, sparing her further suffering.
After Meng Lan became pregnant, her condition became the greatest concern in the residence.
Afraid I might resent it, Madam Shen summoned me.
“That girl is coarse. Do not lower yourself by quarreling with her. Give it time. When Feng’er can no longer endure her, your good days will begin.”
I understood the implication. Heat rushed across my face.
Madam Shen gave me a knowing look and offered a few more words of comfort. I seized the opportunity to assure her that I would never resort to underhanded means.
The finest private physician could not equal one from the Imperial Medical Office. I had Xiaoli take a token from the Cui residence and, after explaining everything to Shen Yunfeng and his mother, invited Imperial Physician Shen to examine Meng Lan.
Madam Shen praised my generosity and conduct as the lady of the house.
Meng Lan saw only malice.
The moment Physician Shen entered, she hurled a vase into his left shoulder.
“What are you, to think yourself worthy of touching me? Cui Qizhen, who needs your false kindness? Get out! All of you, get out!”
She screamed in a frenzy while Shen Yunfeng held her close and soothed her. At last she quieted in his arms.
He breathed in relief, then hurriedly called another physician to treat Imperial Physician Shen.
Assaulting an official of the court could be punished by death. Physician Shen was an old man, and the blow had dislocated his shoulder. He grimaced and nearly surrendered his final breath while the bone was set.
I apologized repeatedly while slipping five thousand taels in banknotes into his sleeve.
With the money safely tucked away, he said no more. After his shoulder was set, he left with a cold snort.
He and Father were friends in private. Since he did not pursue the matter that day, he would say nothing outside.
For the next several months, Shen Yunfeng scarcely reported for duty. He remained in the residence with Meng Lan, whose moods were said to be wildly unstable. She could not bear to be without him for even a moment.
The Shen estate was large. Meng Lan did not want to see me, and I did not want further entanglement with her. With Shen Yunfeng and his mother watching her, surely nothing could go too badly.
When Shen Yunfeng and I happened to cross paths, we merely nodded.
In the eighth month, the golden osmanthus in my courtyard bloomed, its fragrance intoxicating.
Madam Shen spent her days either worrying over Meng Lan’s belly or praying and eating vegetarian meals. She had little time for me, and I enjoyed the peace.
Xiaoli, the other maids, and I brewed osmanthus wine and made sweet cakes from the flowers.
The nights were still warm, so I lay on a couch in the upper pavilion and let the scent carry me toward sleep.
Perhaps I had slept too much during the day, for I remained awake, gazing at the moon.
When I opened my eyes again, Shen Yunfeng stood before me.
I started. “Why are you here?”
He smiled. “This is my home too. Why should I not be?”
That was true. “Why are you not with Miss Meng? Is she asleep?”
He did not answer.
“I heard you brewed osmanthus wine. Might I be fortunate enough to taste it?”
I hesitated.
“What, unwilling to share?”
“It has only fermented for three days. The flavor has not developed.”
“I do not mind.”
There was no graceful way to refuse, so I had Xiaoli dig up one jar.