chapter 4

chapter 4

I stayed at home for three days.

I slept until I woke naturally, accompanied Mother to the theater, then spent the afternoon flying kites with Rongxi.

Rongxi was only seven, a soft little dumpling of a girl with a milky voice. “Little Aunt, run faster! Make the kite fly very, very high!”

We raced through the garden with the kite string while my sister-in-law followed behind, laughing.

“You love children so much, Zhen’er. You should have one of your own soon.”

Her words irritated me.

Rongxi was her second child. Her first, a boy, had died before his first birthday. A year later, my sister-in-law conceived again and nearly died giving birth to Rongxi.

She could not hide her regret. Had the baby been another boy, she would have fulfilled her duty to the Cui family. Instead, she bore a daughter.

Now she was once more desperately nursing her health, swallowing bitter black medicine like food, determined to give my brother a legitimate son.

My sister-in-law came from a distinguished family and carried herself with perfect dignity, yet my brother had always been cool toward her—especially after Rongxi’s birth.

For reasons no one voiced, he seldom visited her room. He appeared on the first and fifteenth of each month as though reporting for duty and spent the remaining nights with his concubines.

I genuinely liked my sister-in-law and resented my brother for the way he treated her.

But I could do nothing.

I, too, was a woman, bound by the same expectations of obedience and virtue, stealing breaths wherever I could.

Before we had spoken much longer, the steward announced that Madam Shen had arrived with Shen Yunfeng.

By the time I reached the main hall, everyone appeared perfectly harmonious. Mother and Madam Shen traded polite phrases, each testing the other.

“Blame this forgetful old woman,” Madam Shen said. “I was so occupied reciting sutras for the late general that I forgot such an important custom. What a sin.”

She invoked the dead General Shen. The dead commanded respect, leaving Mother no direct way to object.

“Age does make one forgetful,” Mother replied. “At our time of life, what can we do but eat vegetarian food, pray, and ask the gods to keep our children safe? My worthy son-in-law, however, must have been terribly busy with military affairs.”

In other words: I can forgive an old woman’s failing memory, but your son is young and vigorous. Has he forgotten too?

Madam Shen’s smile stiffened, though she recovered quickly.

“That wretch has held a leisurely post since his return and spends every day with people beneath his station. I will be frank, dear in-law: I could not be more delighted with Zhen’er as my daughter-in-law.

“I had only just left the prayer room when I learned what happened, and I brought the wretch here at once to beg forgiveness.”

By laying the truth bare, she left us with nothing to seize upon.

Her message to me was equally clear: you knew Shen Yunfeng’s nature before the wedding. If you cannot hold your husband, whom can you blame?

Mother’s face darkened. Father was a man speaking among women and could not properly intervene.

I sighed and summoned a smile.

“Mother Shen, please do not say that. I was playful and wanted a few more days at home. If I worried you, then the fault is mine.”

Madam Shen glared at her son and signaled with her eyes.

Only then did Shen Yunfeng rise and bow to me.

“I behaved without judgment or restraint. Please forgive me, Madam.”

He bent deeply and appeared wholly sincere.

What else could I do? At that point, forgiveness was the only acceptable choice.

I helped him upright with my own hands. “Husband and wife are one. There is no need for this. My family lives here in Chang’an, not far away. If you truly wish to apologize, accompany me on more visits in future.”

He apologized to my parents as well. Mother snorted, but eventually softened.

A married daughter was water thrown from the house. The most Mother could do for me was warn my husband with sharp words.

Madam Shen, meanwhile, had almost lost face entirely. She could only glare furiously at her son and humble herself in apology.