chapter 3

Shen Zhaoyuan frowned. I raised my face and forced him to look into my eyes for the first time.

“Only my sister’s request binds us. If you agree, sign the documents and put my mind at ease.”

He studied me for a long time as though seeing me for the first time, then ended our silent contest. He signed and stamped both pages.

I put them safely away. “You should remain here tonight for appearances. Afterward, sleep wherever you wish. I will not interfere.”

I cleared the fruit from the bridal bed, laid out his bedding, and made a pallet for myself. He accepted it without objection. We passed the night peacefully.

With no elders to greet the next morning, I went directly to the household. I knew every corner after four years and had already won over the servants. Those who scorned a maid turned mistress discovered that I held their contracts. I expelled idlers and rewarded diligent workers. Xu Yi’an’s dowry storeroom was sealed until Changyi’s marriage.

Everything I had once done enhanced Xu Yi’an’s reputation. The same foundation now worked against her. The Shen household ran better than ever.

Shen Zhaoyuan noticed. He said nothing, but inquiry—and the faintest admiration—entered his gaze. We treated each other with distant courtesy.

The relationship shifted three months after the wedding, when men carried him home. A desperate criminal had taken him hostage, and a knife pierced his abdomen during the rescue.

Officials and two imperial physicians crowded the residence. I sent Changyi away with her nurse as basin after basin of bloody water left the main room. Once the wound was dressed, a physician ordered me to watch him all night and cool any fever.

I remained by the bed, wiping sweat from his brow and spooning medicine between his lips. When fever came, I rubbed him with spirits as instructed. At dawn, exhausted, I fell asleep beside the bed.

Awareness returned beneath someone’s gaze. I opened my eyes to Shen Zhaoyuan.

“Young—” Remembering the servants outside, I changed the address. “My lord, are you uncomfortable anywhere?”

His voice rasped. “You watched all night?”

I nodded, then explained lest he misunderstand. “Leaving you entirely to servants would look heartless and invite gossip.”

He shut his eyes. “Go rest. Songyan can stay.”

I rose, but my numb legs collapsed. My hand struck his wound. He groaned, sweat bursting across his face.

“My fault! Summon the physician!”

Afterward, guilt gave me reason to stay and personally serve his medicine. His face and lips were bloodless. I ordered nourishing broth. He swallowed bitter medicine quickly, though his brows always tightened.

That night, two candied fruits appeared on his tray. He ignored them until I held them out. “I did not let Changyi enter and frighten herself, but she worries. She sent these because sweetness makes pain go away.”

His face softened. He ate one, then looked at me. “You…Changyi was thoughtful.”

As I carried the bowl away, he thanked me. “With you here, Changyi is healthier, and the household is peaceful.”

“It is my duty.” I smiled and left.

During his two-month recovery, five carrier pigeons arrived. Xu Yi’an demanded constant reports. I reassured her and, at her command, placed many of her old belongings in Shen Zhaoyuan’s room.

He mourned over them. I faithfully described how she had waited and yearned for him, making the wife in his memories more beautiful with every telling—so that the image would shatter all the harder when he learned the truth.

“I failed her,” he said hoarsely.

“Her greatest concern was Changyi. Treat the child well, and she will rest peacefully.”

His eyes reddened.

Changyi ran in holding a kite. “Papa, Aunt bought me a kite. Will you fly it with me?”

His wound had healed enough. He lifted her. “Of course.”

“Aunt too.”

He looked at me. “Come with us.”

I had never forced Changyi to call me Mother. In private I remained her aunt, constantly reminding Shen Zhaoyuan that I desired nothing from him.

The kite climbed. Changyi raced laughing through the garden while he watched. I offered him a cloak. “You have only just recovered. Take care.”

The string suddenly snapped and the kite vanished on the wind. Changyi’s mouth trembled. Before she cried, I slipped preserved fruit between her lips.

She chewed first. “Aunt, my kite flew away.”

“Its purpose today was to make Changyi happy. It completed its purpose, so it left.”

“What is a purpose?”

I crouched to gather the string and wipe her sweat, then tied on her little cloak against the spring chill. “It is the thing one must do.”

“Then Changyi’s purpose is flying kites.”

I laughed. Another laugh sounded behind me. Shen Zhaoyuan covered his mouth with one fist, eyes still smiling when he met my gaze. The ice of our wedding night had melted. My smile became more genuine too.

Having once lost a wife, he changed after the first grief faded. However late his work ended, he returned to see Changyi, even asleep. I learned to leave a lamp and warm food. Sometimes he ate and spoke with me.

When summer clothes were needed, a tailor could not wait for him and left the measuring to me. I asked Shen Zhaoyuan to stand still while I measured his shoulders and arms. To measure his waist, I would have to encircle him.

I hesitated. “Let Songyan do this.”

“I sent him to sleep. Do not wake him at this hour.”

Maids stood outside. “You do it. Quickly.”

I wrapped my arms around his waist, his breath touching my cheek. Holding my own breath, I finished and fled with the tape and notebook.

“Do you not feel wronged?”

I stopped. He asked, “You spend your best years guarding another woman’s husband and child. What of your own life?”

I smiled faintly. “Some people must come before oneself. My sister saved my life. I will fulfill her wish, and Changyi is a good child.” In the soft night wind, I added, “My lord is good too. So I do not feel wronged.”

His gaze halted. As I left, I could feel it resting on my back.