Exorcism

I had been kidnapped. Me-a burly man nearly two meters tall, with a face that made me look like Zhang Fei-had somehow been abducted and dragged deep into the mountains! I woke up briefly during transport. My hands and feet were bound in iron chains as thick as a forearm, and the slightest movement made a tremendous racket. I didn’t stay conscious for long. Soon, I passed out again. When I woke up the next time, I was lying inside a dilapidated wooden hut. The moment my senses began to return, I caught a thick, overwhelming stench.

I was livestreaming fortune-telling when I connected with a male streamer.

When I asked if he had ever killed anyone, his expression shifted instantly. “Yeah,” he replied. “And you’re next.”

Ten minutes later, there was a knock at my door.

The bullet chat was exploding with people screaming for me to run. “He’s that famous serial killer streamer!”

I let out a soft chuckle. What they didn’t know was that I am the sole Earth Master successor.

A friend of mine was developing a residential complex for a real estate company in Xi’an when they discovered an ancient tomb. To avoid delaying construction, they chose to cover it up and report nothing. But none of them expected that someone would write a line on the wall of the work shed in red pen. Rules of the corpse-nurturing ground: 1. Do not feed the corpses raw meat. 2. If you see a child under the age of ten, close your eyes immediately. 3. Eat the rats.

I was a Little Blind One, and I met an Old Swindler.

To keep ourselves fed, the two of us pretended to be Daoist priests, making a living by conning our way into wealthy households.

That day, the General’s Mansion put up a notice seeking someone with profound magical power to enter the estate and catch a ghost.

The two of us gritted our teeth and immediately decided to go big or go home!

Who would have thought that, inside the General’s Mansion, more people died with each passing day?

Oh my god. There really was a ghost.

The Old Swindler trembled as he shielded me behind him.

The malicious ghost’s shriek pierced our eardrums.

Silently, I formed a hand seal. “Gather the baleful qi of heaven and earth, thunder descend!!”

Old Swindler: “??? Wait, you actually know how?!”

“Earth Master”

The village had suffered drought year after year, yet the villagers still received us warmly and treated us to baths.

After we finished bathing, the next day, spring water began bubbling up from the dried-up well at the village entrance.

The villagers were ecstatic.

“You have been chosen by the Spring Spirit. Stay here forever.”

What they didn’t know was that I was the only Earth Master successor.

A plague had infected the entire city.

Everyone was suffering from a persistent high fever, gradually losing their ability to work.

I, however, posted on Weibo: “Doesn’t matter. I’ll take care of it.”

The next second, I was dragged onto the trending searches and bombarded with insults.

What they didn’t know was that I was the sole Earth Master successor, and the one who started this plague in the first place.

A buddy of mine who drove long-haul trucks took a job delivering a Buddha Head.

The Buddha Head had clearly arrived safely, yet he came down with a fever that wouldn’t break and was plagued by nightmares.

By the time I heard the news and rushed to the hospital, he was already delirious from the fever.

His scalding-hot hand clamped tightly around mine.

“Brother Long, I… my Buddha Head was stolen. The Buddha Head is gone!”

“Dashun, the Buddha Head was delivered. It wasn’t lost.”

His wife and mother stood around him crying, but no matter what anyone said, he insisted that his Buddha Head had been lost.

A perfectly healthy man was down to his last breath.

I turned to Dashun’s boss and said, “Where is the Buddha Body? I’ll deliver it.”

[Strong Female Lead + Comedy + Modern Fantasy + Male Lead with Multiple Incarnations]

Yun Jianyue woke up one morning to discover that her best friend was dead… and had become a headless vengeful ghost.

Yun Jianyue: “I must’ve gotten up too fast. I’m going back to sleep.”

Best friend: “…”

Yun Jianyue took her best friend to get revenge on a scumbag, only for an even more powerful vengeful ghost to appear halfway through and steal their chance at revenge.

Yun Jianyue raised a chainsaw and hacked the ghost to pieces.

Best friend: “Where the fuck did you get a chainsaw?!”

Yun Jianyue was forced into a ghost marriage with the Evil God. Humiliated and furious, he tried to kill her.

Yun Jianyue raised her chainsaw and shaved the Evil God’s head.

Best friend: “Where do you keep getting these chainsaws?!”

When Yun Jianyue and the Paranormal Bureau found themselves surrounded and pummeled by monsters and evil spirits, Yun Jianyue raised her chainsaw once again.

Best friend: “Tell me! Where! The fuck! Do you keep getting! These chainsaws?!”

Off to the side, a teenage boy saw that the chainsaw’s blade had gone dull and silently handed her a new one. Yun Jianyue took it and swung it with deadly force.

Teenage boy: “Good deed done, no credit needed. Check.”

With a handsome Evil God on her left and an adorable puppy-like boy on her right, Yun Jianyue had her hands full.

Best friend: “Which one of them is actually your boyfriend?!”

Yun Jianyue: “It’s only two dicks. What’s the big deal?”

I was invited to make a cameo appearance as a supporting female character in a horror movie, but my role was snatched away by a Rich Young Actress who bought her way into the production.

What she didn’t know was that the character would summon a real Pen Spirit, and everyone participating in the game was destined to die.

Only I could suppress the evil energy.

Because I am the sole Earth Master successor.

When I first started driving freight trucks, I once asked Master out of curiosity: Why did truckers need to perform Chongsha, while bus drivers didn’t?

Master said it was because trucks carried cargo, not people, so what they feared most was running into trouble on the road.

Buses, on the other hand, were always picking people up and dropping them off, so their greatest taboo was disaster striking onboard.

That was why buses didn’t pay much attention to warding off the road itself.

What they cared about was ballasting the vehicle.

Most bus drivers I’d met used stones for it.

Some used stone statues.

Whenever the passenger count hit four or seven, the driver would bring out the Vehicle-Ballasting Stone, treating it as one extra passenger onboard to keep misfortune away.

But recently, I took on a strange job.

A bus driver came to me and asked me to ballast his bus as a living person.

He said that before me, three Vehicle-Ballasting Stones had already shattered on his bus.