Chapter 2

Every morning I opened my eyes and had to play father to this whole household!

“Your Highness! Eggs! The hens have laid eggs!” the gardener shouted outside.

He held three eggs in his hands, his face crimson with excitement.

My head throbbed with irritation. “Then take them to Cook! Isn’t she saving them to make chive-and-egg turnovers when this crop of chives is ready?”

“I can’t bear to,” he said hesitantly.

“Then we’ll cut meat off you and make dumplings!” I roared. “Get out!”

He slunk away.

I’d barely taken a sip of water to soothe my throat when the embroideress arrived, blushing.

She clutched several sets of the prince’s clothes. “Your Highness, every one of these is exquisite. I… I can’t bear to cut them up.”

I picked up a pair of scissors, strode over, and stabbed several holes in them. “There. Rags now. Be a good girl and get cutting.”

Her eyes reddened at once.

I felt bad for her. Patting her small hands, I coaxed, “Think of it this way. Ordinarily, only His Highness gets to see such lovely fabric and embroidery. But once your clever hands have worked on it, lots of people will be able to admire it. Imagine your needlework becoming famous throughout the capital. Exciting, isn’t it?”

She came from Jiangnan and was exceptionally skilled.

But when she joined the residence, full as it was of talented people, the others had pushed her aside.

Day after day she embroidered useless little trinkets that might never even touch the prince’s person.

Her eyes shone. She carried the torn clothes away.

I turned to find the servant boy herding a piglet toward me, sniveling.

“Your Highness! Whenever I think of you all slaughtering the piggy I’ve raised so carefully, I feel awful. I’ve waited on it like it was my own ancestor! That’s how it got this big.” The more he spoke, the more miserable he became.

I put a sweet in his mouth and considered. “Then we won’t slaughter it. We’ll sell it.”

He blinked. “But won’t someone else slaughter it?”

“That’s out of our hands.” I noticed the pig escaping. “Your pig’s heading for Cook’s vegetable patch. If it roots up those little cabbages that just sprouted, she’ll slaughter it first and you second.”

He gave a terrified shriek and ran after it.

I stole a few pork-crackling buns from the kitchen and went to find Uncle Liu.

As I entered the prince’s room, I heard him shouting, “Get out! I won’t drink it!”

Before my very eyes, a lifesaving dose that cost eighty taels splashed across the floor.

Uncle Liu knelt there, tears running down his old face. “Your Highness, please, just one sip. How can your body endure it if you go on like this?”

“Move over. You’re in the way.” I poured another bowl.

The prince watched me warily. “What are you up to now, you savage peasant?”

I pinched his nose, pried open his jaw, and poured it straight down.

He choked and coughed on the bitter liquid. He looked ready to vomit.

I held the bowl under his mouth and smiled. “Spit it out and I’ll pour it back in. You decide which is easier.”

He forced it back down.

I tossed the bowl onto the table. “Uncle Liu, out.”

He didn’t dare raise his head. Backside first, he vanished in a flash.

Once he was gone, I grabbed the prince by the collar and slapped him twice, hard.

“I risked losing my head to fetch that medicine, and you dare waste it? If I didn’t smack you, I’d be doing this head of mine—worth ten thousand taels of gold—a grave injustice!” I patted his face, cheerful as could be. “Know who’s in charge now? Make trouble again and tomorrow I’ll chain you to the bed. You can eat, drink, piss, and shit in that little patch.”

Fire blazed in his eyes. “Kill me if you dare! Otherwise, one day I’ll tear you limb from limb!”

“Still haven’t grasped the situation, have you?” I kicked him off the bed.

His legs were useless. He sprawled helplessly on the floor.

“Zhao Xiguang, always so helpless and willful.” I nudged his face with my foot, looking down at him. “You killed that wicked priest in the palace and told the emperor to stop chasing immortality. You thought you were very clever. Did you consider that hundreds of people in this residence almost went to their deaths because of you?”

He looked up, his mouth pressed into a hard line. “I didn’t drag any of those servants down with me.”

“Because Consort Xian pleaded for you! She knelt outside the Hall of Government for a whole day and night, until she miscarried, to save your worthless life.” I crouched over him and stared into his eyes, slapping him again and again. “The late empress’s life, Consort Xian’s freedom—how many more people must pay before you learn to grow up?”

Blood seeped from the corner of his mouth. Enraged, he lunged, trying to strangle me.

But his legs had no strength. All he could do was struggle and roar on the floor.

I stepped back and ate every bite of his food in front of him.

“Zhao Xiguang, if you won’t learn how to live, then wait to die.” I emptied the room’s only pot of water over his face.

Outside, Uncle Liu was still waiting, sick with worry.

“His Highness had a fine appetite today. Ate everything. Don’t worry, Uncle Liu. I’m here.” I showed him the empty bowl.

The wrinkles at the corners of his eyes eased. “Good, good. You always know what to do.”