Chapter 1
Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined that a half-literate village brat like me would get a turn at being a princess consort.
But the real one had run off in the middle of the night, taking the money with her!
She said she was going home to find a way to help, to ask people to plead for the prince.
Everyone knew the truth. She couldn’t stand living without enough food or proper clothing.
Prince An had plotted rebellion. They broke both his legs and sent him home.
The emperor ordered his residence sealed for three years, so that Prince An could reflect on his misdeeds.
People all over the city were saying the emperor meant to imprison him until he died.
The residence could admit people, but no one could leave. Where were food, clothing, and daily necessities supposed to come from?
The moment the decree arrived, the household scattered. Only a dozen-odd loyal servants remained.
The once-glorious residence of Prince An had become a living tomb that no one dared approach.
I had rotten luck, too. I’d only come to deliver something, and now I was trapped inside.
Uncle Liu, the steward, paced in circles. “His Highness’s legs haven’t healed. Her Highness used to fetch his medicine. Now that she’s run away, what are we to do?”
The princess consort belonged to the Cui family of Qinghe, who were fantastically rich.
The emperor meant to confine the prince until he died, but he had said nothing about what should happen to his wife.
She went out for medicine a few times, then refused to go again.
That was because Steward Liu had begged her to buy a little food for the household as well.
The princess wept. “I am a legitimate daughter of the Cui family! Must I deal with petty street vendors? How degrading!”
She couldn’t bear it. Off she went in the night.
I stared at the watery porridge in my bowl. Instead of worrying about the prince’s medicine, perhaps we ought to worry about where our next meal was coming from.
“Steward! There’s no rice left!”
“Steward! We’re nearly out of money for His Highness’s medicine!”
“Steward! If we don’t get some vegetables soon, none of us will be able to shit!”
Uncle Liu went white with fury. “Must you bring such filthy nonsense to me?”
A dozen-odd people stood in the courtyard, every one of them sallow with hunger.
Even the most loyal servant had to eat and shit, didn’t they?
I carefully finished every drop of my porridge and stood up. “If you trust me, then from today on, I’m the princess consort.”
Of course Uncle Liu didn’t want some village woman impersonating her.
But he had no choice. His precious prince needed medicine.
Of everyone in the residence, only I was close enough to her height and build to pass for her.
“This is all the ready silver we have.” Uncle Liu handed me the purse with a pained look. “You won’t take the money and run, will you?”
“What a thing to say! Do I look like that sort of person?”
That worried him even more. “It’s hard to say. At five, you escaped from a child trafficker, got him put in prison, and collected ten taels in reward money. Before you turned eight, you burned down that thug’s house at the east end of the village, and he still ended up giving you a scrawny donkey in compensation. When you were ten, you—”
“Enough, enough!” I stared at him. “Uncle Liu, you’ve known me since I was little. Have you so little faith in my human decency?”
His mouth twitched. “Precisely because I’ve known you all your life, I know that of those two words, you qualify for only one.”
“I’d swindle anyone before I swindled you,” I muttered. “If you hadn’t jumped into that pond in your undershorts to save me, I’d have drowned. Speaking of which, are you still in touch with Widow Zhang? That night out in the fields, when you—”
“Go! Go on, get out!” Sweat broke out on his forehead. He looked ready to kick me through the door.
I dressed as the princess, put on a veil, and got out without trouble.
It was nearly curfew when I returned.
The gates were still open. Uncle Liu and the dozen-odd loyal servants stood just inside, craning their necks.
At the sight of me, they all quietly let out their breath.
The burly man behind me left the handcart by the gate, took his tip, and ran.
“Steward, have them move everything inside. The cart’s borrowed. It has to go back tomorrow.”
I ordered him about in the princess’s manner.
A guard barred the doorway. “Your Highness, this is against the rules.”
I gave a cold laugh. “Whose rules? Yours, or the emperor’s? Even if I weren’t Prince An’s consort, I would still be a legitimate daughter of the Cui family of Qinghe! The Noble Consort’s own niece! His Majesty hasn’t stripped me of my title, and the Cui family hasn’t disowned me. Yet you think you can throw your weight around first?”
The guard turned pale and fell silent.
I drew his saber and flung it to the ground. “I’m taking these things inside. If you insist on stopping me, then cut me down!”
His lips moved, but he didn’t dare stop us again.
I signaled to Uncle Liu, who hurriedly directed the servants to wheel the heavy cart inside.
An hour later, I slipped out with a flask of wine.
“I scolded you in public for others to see. I know you were only doing your duty. If His Majesty ever asks, people will simply say his daughter-in-law was arrogant and unreasonable.” I lowered my voice. “The rain has made the night chilly. Have some wine to warm yourself, Guard Lin.”
He accepted it, flustered. “You’re too kind, Your Highness.”
I said no more and went back in.
Uncle Liu gave me a thumbs-up.
In the courtyard, Cook was grumbling. “Rotten beans and stinking offal! Seeds, vegetable leaves—what sort of shopping is this?”
“How are we supposed to eat any of it?”
“And this rice is so coarse. Even if we can stomach it, can His Highness?”
Disappointed muttering went around the courtyard.
I looked surprised. “Who said it was for you to eat?”
Two hours later, they all wanted to murder me.
I pulled up every flower the gardener had so lovingly planted. “Vegetables go here now! The rotten beans are for fertilizer. Tomorrow I’ll bring back some chicken and duck manure.”
“These chicks and ducklings can go in that lotus garden, whatever it’s called. Trees, water, plenty of bugs—they’ll grow nice and fat.” I glared at the stupefied servant boy. “What are you staring at? Forget the lotuses. Concentrate on the birds. If even one dies, I’ll slaughter every one of your koi and eat them.”
“Cook, stop using so much oil! Tomorrow morning you’re planting vegetables with me. If they don’t grow, none of us eats. You can squat in the privy until you die and you still won’t squeeze out a single turd.” I thought for a moment.
Then I smiled at the embroideress. “You could cut up some of His Highness’s good clothes and make handkerchiefs and sweat towels, couldn’t you? That shouldn’t be difficult. All of us will be relying on those clever hands of yours to bring in some money for now.”
She was shy. She glanced at Steward Liu before nodding.
Uncle Liu was aghast. “You rotten girl! Do you think this is your farmyard? Vegetables, manure, chickens, ducks! Those flowers were Her Highness’s favorites! And the prince adores refinement. You’ve put chickens in his Wind-and-Lotus Garden! When he finds out, he’ll take off that little head of yours with one stroke!”
“You can make yourself useful, too. Go brew his medicine.” I tossed him the packet. “Not enough money, so I bought two doses fewer. Boil the dregs an extra time from now on. I’ll make up the missing doses when I find a way to earn more.”
He clutched the medicine, worry all over his face, and sighed. “Even if I let you do as you please, His Highness won’t. An hour ago he was asking where his wife had gone. Girl, I’m truly at a loss. He’s so ill already. If he learns she’s run away, what if the shock makes him worse?”
I thought of the prince with his broken legs, shut in his room all day, eating and waiting to die.
“Hasn’t his princess come back?” I said with a smile. “Starting tomorrow, Uncle Liu, I’ll bring his meals and help him wash and dress. The rest of you stay out of it. Otherwise, I won’t go out for medicine or food ever again.”