Chapter 4

Chapter 4

After marrying into the Marquis Mansion, I spent more than half a year tearing pages off the almanac and counting the days. With each passing day, I wanted to live a little less.

The maids all whispered in private that I had grown terribly thin.

My mother-in-law noticed too. Every day, she had the senior maidservants at her side send me nourishing soups and extra meals.

It was not that she cared whether I lived or died.

It was simply that, according to the rites of our dynasty, after a wife passed away, her husband had to observe mourning for a full year before he could marry again.

And if I died right after marrying in, my husband would easily gain a reputation for bringing death to his wives.

Sometimes, I truly envied my husband.

As the heir of Changping Marquis Manor, no matter how many times he chased flowers and willows, no matter how many times the imperial censors impeached him, none of it changed the fact that he was still the apple of my mother-in-law’s eye.

Just from the name Jiang Jiusi alone, one could see how much the Marquis of Changping and my mother-in-law loved him.

The Master said, “A gentleman has nine things to reflect upon: when he sees, he reflects on clarity; when he hears, he reflects on acuity; in expression, he reflects on warmth; in bearing, he reflects on respect; in speech, he reflects on loyalty; in affairs, he reflects on reverence; in doubt, he reflects on inquiry; in anger, he reflects on difficulty; when faced with gain, he reflects on righteousness.”

Though my husband was hardly worthy of a sage’s words, I had, in all honesty, envied his name.

The way a stray cat on the street might envy the cat in a noble young lady’s arms.

What a pleasant-sounding name. What a meaningful name. Unlike us women.

Li Ling, Li Shao, Li Jin.

Names of plants and flowers. Fates of plants and flowers.

Seemingly pure and elegant, yet in truth, a touch of frost and wind was enough to make us wither in an instant.

My eldest sister and second sister were already gone. I supposed I would be next.

That was fine too…

If I died, perhaps I could see my eldest sister on the road to the underworld.

And if I could not see my eldest sister, then seeing my second sister and her Fifth Miss Jiang would be good enough too.

With a faint, secret hope in my heart, I frowned and drained the bowl of soup in my hands in one go.

Suppressing the urge to vomit, I had just been about to hand the empty bowl to the senior maidservant when a commotion came from the front courtyard.

A maid ran over to report to me. “The heir has returned from disaster relief.”

Ever since half a month ago, when Jiang Jiusi had accepted an official assignment to go south of the Yangtze for disaster relief, I had begun praying to every god and Buddha every day.

May all the immortals and deities open their eyes and keep him from coming back.

I felt that if I lived as a grass widow, or an actual widow, I might even live two years longer.

With Jiang Jiusi drifting around before my eyes every day, I could see his face the moment I opened my eyes in the morning.

At that rate, I feared I might not live past next month.

How had he come back…

I pressed down the urge to find a well and jump into it, then dragged my long face along to prepare to welcome Jiang Jiusi.

In truth, I could choose not to welcome him.

But if I did not go, my mother-in-law would certainly be displeased, my sisters-in-law would gossip, and the servants would only think their mistress and the heir were at odds, making them even harder to manage.

Circumstances were stronger than people. Circumstances were stronger than people.

I repeated it twice in my head to comfort myself. Just as I was about to head to the main gate and act out a grand performance of deep marital affection, the maid spoke again.

“Madam…” The maid hesitated. “The heir brought back a woman. He says he wants to take her as a concubine.”

My eyes lit up.

See? Those prayers to the gods and Buddhas had not been wasted!

Was there truly such a wonderful thing under heaven?!

Looking at it one way, if Jiang Jiusi took a concubine, he must surely like her. If he stopped coming to sleep in my room, I could live several more years.

Looking at it another way, in a high-gated household overflowing with rules like Changping Marquis Manor, surely I, Li Jin, could not be the only unlucky one forever!

Better my fellow Daoist die than this poor Daoist!

Such “good days” should be someone else’s turn too!

Besides.

As long as this concubine had a decent heart and did not go out of her way to harm others, she could even keep me company.

After my eldest sister and second sister died, Father took his anger out on the servants in the manor. He especially believed that the maids had led his perfectly good daughters astray.

And so all the maids who had served me since childhood had either been sold off or married away by my legitimate elder brother.

There was not even someone at my side whom I could talk to and ease my loneliness with.

A man could have that many mistresses and sweethearts outside, and he could still go to brothels and visit pleasure houses.

He could sleep at one woman’s place today and another’s tomorrow. I might not see him once in half a month.

Of course, I did not want to see him either.

But a concubine willing to marry into Changping Marquis Manor was different in meaning altogether.

No matter who she was, what she looked like, or what kind of temperament she had, she would live under the same roof as me, spending every morning and evening together, facing each other day after day.

Her connection to a man did not matter, because a man’s affection was nothing more than thin mist in the mountains.

It did not even need wind to scatter. One touch of sunlight, and it was gone.

Her connection to me was what mattered most.

After all, from now on in the Marquis Mansion, barring any accidents, she and I would be seeing each other whenever we looked up or down beneath the same roof, and we would be spending the rest of our lives together.

Under the maid’s worried gaze, I lowered my head and decisively made up my mind.

As long as this concubine was not too bad…

Then even if the Heavenly King himself came down, I, Li Jin, would fight Jiang Jiusi for this woman!

I did not go out to welcome Jiang Jiusi. Instead, I stayed in my room and ordered the maids to arrange my hair and draw my brows.

For our first meeting, I had to leave my concubine with a good impression.

The moment Jiang Jiusi entered the manor, my mother-in-law summoned him away. Taking advantage of the opportunity, I instructed the old nanny to bring the concubine to me.

As soon as she came through the door, the concubine dropped to her knees before me with a thud.

“Stand up. Don’t kneel.” My gaze rested on the few pearls tucked into the bun at the back of her head. “I’m not used to people kneeling to me.”

It was not easy for any woman to live in this world.

Why insist on using kneeling and bowing to divide us into ranks?

As long as one was a woman, no matter her birth, no matter her status, she was nothing more than food already swallowed by this world, or food waiting to be swallowed…

What difference was there?

I laughed coldly to myself.

But when I lifted my eyes, I was met with the gentle gleam of pearls nestled in the concubine’s satin-black hair.

They looked rather like the Milky Way when one looked up deep into the night of the Mid-Autumn Festival, a brilliant river of stars all their own.

At my words, the slender body wrapped in a moon-white blouse and skirt trembled. In the end, she slowly rose to her feet.

Only then did I see her face clearly.

She had a very distinctive sort of beauty.

Her skin was as white as the fresh skin on almond milk, and her features were delicate and charming.

Especially those bright eyes of hers, with a hint of clever mischief in them. They were truly lively and beautiful.

Let alone men-even I, a woman, could not help but feel fond of her at first sight.

So my voice softened without my meaning it to. “What is your name?”

“Simiao.” The concubine’s voice was crisp, carrying a touch of frankness.

What an ancient-sounding name…

I savored the two syllables in my heart, then introduced myself solemnly.

“I am Li Jin.”

I had the maids bring in tea and pastries, then had Simiao sit down. After a brief chat about ordinary matters, I learned the general outline of her circumstances.

Simiao’s father had been a teacher, and her mother an embroiderer.

Unfortunately, the plague that swept through Jiangnan Circuit three years ago took her father’s life.

This year, Jiangnan Circuit was struck by a great flood, and her mother starved to death.

With no other choice, she had sold herself on the street to bury her mother. That was how Jiang Jiusi, that dog who took advantage of others’ misfortune, brought her back to the Marquis Mansion.

Three qian of silver and five dou of coarse grain in exchange for a lovely young woman as beautiful as a flower.

As my contempt for Jiang Jiusi deepened, I could not help but feel pity for Simiao as well.

She truly was pitiful beyond measure.

In the past, I had only thought my eldest sister pitiful, my second sister pitiful, and myself pitiful.

But now, I felt that every woman beneath the heavens had her own pitiful sorrows.

I only wondered what I could do for Simiao.

After a moment’s thought, I said softly, “Simiao, now that you have married into the Marquis Mansion, you are one of my people. If there are any clothes or jewelry you want, pastries or hairpins, you must tell me. I manage part of the household accounts in this manor, so I can speak with some authority before the servants. Whatever I can obtain, I will do my best to obtain for you.”

Simiao was quite obedient and cautious in her words. “Madam, I came to the Marquis Mansion only for a full meal.”

“Then what do you like to eat?” I asked.

Before Simiao could answer, Jiang Jiusi came rushing in.

“Li… Li Ling, if you’re jealous, take it out on me. I was the one who insisted on taking a concubine! It has nothing to do with Simiao!”

The young master in brocade carefully blocked Simiao behind him and shouted at me in a hurried tone.

Every time I was struck by unparalleled astonishment at Jiang Jiusi’s absurdity…

He always managed to come up with something new and further expand my understanding of him.

“In reply to my husband, my name is Li Jin. Li Ling is my elder sister’s maiden name. Husband, please watch your words and do not call out names at random.”

I rose and gave him a bow, my tone neither warm nor cold, neither sharp nor mild.

Jiang Jiusi froze.

“Young Master, please don’t make things difficult. Elder Sister was only asking what I like to eat so she could make preparations,” Simiao said helplessly, smoothing things over for me.

Jiang Jiusi stammered for a long while. In the end, he patted Simiao’s hand to comfort her, then came forward and patted my shoulder.

“Li Jin, you are just like your name-holding fine jade in your heart, a person as clear and pure as jade. Back when Changping Marquis Manor sent betrothal gifts to the Li family, Father truly had foresight. Harmony between wife and concubine is also a blessing for the household.”

My name was Li Jin, Jin as in hibiscus.

Enough already.

Married to a thing like that, anyone would probably want to die.

However, I was too lazy to say anything more to this beast wearing human skin.

At his touch, half my body went rigid. I wished I could tear off the fabric over my shoulder and burn it.

No, wait.

After Jiang Jiusi touched me like that, the entire outfit had to go!

Jiang Jiusi ran straight into a polite rebuff and lost face for his trouble. After saying a few perfunctory words to save the situation, he found some excuse and slunk away.

After he had bumped my shoulder, I was in a hurry to change my clothes.

I had no choice but to ask Simiao to sit in my room for a while, and even told the maids to bring her some soft, glutinous pastries to try.

But when I had finished changing and stepped out from behind the screen, I found the room completely empty. There wasn’t a single soul in sight.

Wait. Where was the concubine I had just taken in?!

I grabbed a maid who was sweeping the courtyard and asked her. Only then did I learn that Simiao had been summoned away by my mother-in-law.

“The Old Madam heard the heir brought back a concubine, so she called her to the main courtyard. She said she wanted to… inspect the goods.”

Inspect the goods?

I lifted my skirts and hurried toward the main courtyard.

When I arrived, I saw the momo beside my mother-in-law reporting to her respectfully.

“Reporting to the Old Madam, everything has been checked.”

“She is a virgin. Her skin is fair, her teeth are even, and there are no large scars on her body. There is a small red mole at the base of her left thumb. Only, her waist is a bit too slender. She doesn’t look like someone who will be good at childbearing…”

My mother-in-law took a sip of tea from the cup at her lips, then nodded.

“It doesn’t matter. She’s only a concubine. A creature no different from a cat or dog. The Marquis Mansion can afford to keep her.”

“If she shows no movement in her belly, Jiusi can simply take a few more.”

“The Changping Marquis Manor must have descendants to carry on the ancestral rites.”

Standing outside the door, I heard every word of that conversation clearly. My entire body began to tremble uncontrollably.

I forced myself to go through the motions of greeting her and paying my respects, then accompanied my mother-in-law in a few empty exchanges.

The moment I came out, I grabbed the momo from the main courtyard. There was a vicious edge in my voice that even I did not realize was there. “Where is Simiao?”

It was the first time the momo had ever seen me angry. She quickly pointed toward a small side room beside the main courtyard.

In the inner chamber of that small room, Simiao was curled up naked on the couch.

Apart from a half-transparent gauze screen, there was nothing to cover or shield her.

This was how they had humiliated Simiao.

I turned my face away by instinct. Perhaps the motion was too abrupt, because I nearly fell.

Only after I reached out and braced myself against the wall did I slowly regain my footing.

Seeing that it was me, Simiao slowly lifted her head and said timidly, “The momo already inspected me once just now. Does Sister wish to inspect me again?”

My tears fell all at once.

Forcing down a sob, I took down the clothes Simiao had originally been wearing from the outer room and, with my head lowered, passed them to her piece by piece from behind the screen.

“I’m taking you back.”

Simiao thanked me and slowly put on her clothes. Then she stepped out from behind the screen.

Once I saw that she had straightened herself out, I took her hand and fled the main courtyard as if running for my life.

When we passed through a flowered corridor where few people were around, I could no longer hold back. I collapsed onto a stone bench and let my tears stream freely.

“Sister, you seem very sad… Is it because of me?”

Her plain white fingertip gently brushed across my cheek, catching a tear. Then she put it into her mouth. “Salty. Not very tasty.”

After a pause, Simiao continued her assessment. “It tastes like heartbreak.”

“It is because of you, and it isn’t because of you,” I said as my tears came faster and harder. “I just… I just feel that you are a person…”

“You are a person… not livestock…”

“Why… why did they have to humiliate you like that…”

I cried until I could barely catch my breath, utterly wretched.

Simiao looked at me strangely.

After a long while, she slowly reached out. Half-crouching before the stone bench, she wrapped her arms around me and gently patted my back. “Don’t cry anymore.”

“When you cry, I feel as though… my whole being grows sad with you. Even the flowers and grasses beside us lose their color. Is this some kind of sorcery?”

I lay against Simiao’s arms and said softly, “If only I really did know sorcery.”

“If Sister really knew sorcery, what would you want to do?” Simiao asked earnestly.

I clasped Simiao’s hand in mine and answered just as earnestly.

“If I knew sorcery, I would want to escape. I would want to carve my two sisters’ own names onto their memorial tablets. I would want Fifth Miss Jiang and Second Sister to be buried together…”

“And you, Simiao. I would want to take you away from this hellhole called Changping Marquis Manor.”

In the end, after crying myself out, I drifted into a daze and fell asleep in Simiao’s arms.

Before my consciousness vanished, I seemed to hear Simiao’s soft laugh.

And three barely audible words: “All right, then.”

Her voice was so light, so faint in the air like the wind.

So much so that after I woke, I spent a long time trying to decide whether Simiao had truly agreed to leave with me.