Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Li Ling hanged herself. Li Shao swallowed gold.

Before the two burial mounds stood two gravestones side by side. One was inscribed with “eldest daughter of the Li family,” the other with “second daughter of the Li family.”

But could the marriage contract between the Li family and Changping Marquis Manor be called off just like that?

Of course not.

The Li family still had a youngest daughter named Li Jin, and she was still alive.

They could sell her one more time.

They had devoured my eldest sister.

They had devoured my second sister.

And now, they had come to devour me.

For the sake of my father and brothers, I put on the bright red wedding gown, even though beneath it I was still wearing the white gauze skirt of mourning for my second sister.

But that did not matter.

Because you were a woman, your name, your temperament, your likes and dislikes, your talents, your love, your wishes…

Everything about you did not matter.

All you had to do was play your role well: daughter, wife, mother. Cling properly to your father, your husband, your son, and that was enough.

If you could scrape a few leftovers’ worth of benefits from the inner household, that was already the greatest of blessings.

I sat in the bridal sedan, listening to the festive blare of suona horns outside. Only one thought filled my mind.

I wanted to die so badly.

I truly, truly wanted to die.

I wanted to die when I stepped over the fire basin.

I wanted to die when we bowed in the wedding ceremony.

I wanted to die while waiting for the heir of the marquis manor to lift my bridal veil.

But in the end, I did not die.

First, because my eldest and second sisters had already walked every road to suicide and blocked them all off behind them.

Before I boarded the bridal sedan, Father had threatened every matron and maid in my dowry retinue. As a result, not only had every sharp object around me been confiscated, but there was never a moment when I was left unwatched.

Second, because I always had the vague sense that someone else was the one who truly deserved to die.

Third, because I still held a few unrealistic hopes for my present life. What if there was still a turn for the better?

Unfortunately, there was no turn for the better.

Before I married, my eldest sister, second sister, and I were prisoners of our father and brothers.

After I married, I became a lone prisoner of Changping Marquis Manor.

It was nothing more than jumping from one cage into another.

Both were stagnant pools. Was there any point carefully distinguishing which one stank more?

I had no interest in that.

On the morning after the wedding night, my fine husband sized me up a few times, then happily went out to answer roll call.

He claimed he was going on official business to report for duty, but both he and I knew perfectly well it was just a convenient excuse.

What decent person went to report for duty just after the fifth watch, before the sky had even fully brightened?

Now that he had married a legal wife and the alliance was settled, he could openly go chasing flowers and willows.

I could not even be bothered to ask whether he was visiting brothels and pleasure houses, or seeking out some kept woman or maid. I only warned myself in silence:

Spend fewer nights with my husband.

If he happened to pass syphilis on to me…

I wanted to die, but I had never once considered dying of a venereal disease.

If possible, I still wanted my death to be as quick and clean as possible.

No pain, and no humiliation.

After sending off my newlywed husband, I had not even fully woken up before I had to climb out of bed at once and hurry to my mother-in-law’s quarters to pay my respects.

The entire vast household of Changping Marquis Manor was watching me, the new bride.

I ate a few mouthfuls of cold pastries to line my stomach, had my hair and makeup done, used powder to cover the blue shadows under my eyes from lack of sleep, and hurried to my mother-in-law’s place.

I offered tea to my mother-in-law and received two jade bangles of passable quality, along with one lukewarm question:

“You have only just married in, and already you cannot hold your husband’s heart?”

A daughter-in-law who had endured for years had finally become a mother-in-law.

At last, there was someone for her to drive like livestock.

So this was where the opening show of authority had been waiting for me.

Unfortunately, filial piety towered above all else. My mother-in-law could mock and sneer at me, but if I, as her daughter-in-law, talked back, I would inevitably earn a slap.

Endure it, then.

My husband was both the heir apparent and the only son of the eldest branch.

But today was the day the new bride served tea and recognized the family, so the wives of the second and third branches had all gathered in the main hall.

I kept thinking I heard their soft, gloating laughter, and I knew perfectly well in my heart that they were happy to see me suffer.

But I had no proof.

I had only just married in, and I had yet to understand the lay of the land. I was still completely in the dark, so I did not dare quibble with the old hands in the Marquis Mansion.

I forced myself to smile and keep my spirits up. After I finally managed to learn everyone’s faces, I suffered through a few more admonishments about “bearing branches and scattering leaves for the Marquis Mansion as soon as possible.” Only then was the morning greeting considered over.

By the time that round of torment ended, it was already noon.

After standing by and serving my mother-in-law and the assembled sisters-in-law through their meal, I was finally able to return to my own courtyard.

The kitchen was some distance from my courtyard.

So by the time the maid brought the dishes, only the bottom layer still gave off the faintest trace of warmth.

Cold rice with congealed grease was hard to swallow.

And yet my mother-in-law had handed part of the Marquis Mansion’s household accounts over to me.

In the afternoon, I still had to check the ledgers, and I had to inspect the servants one by one to see whether they were slacking in their duties.

I made do and shoveled down the food, then fought back nausea and revulsion as I began examining the accounts.

The fact that I did not vomit onto the account books was already proof of my extraordinary talent, truly.

I finished going over duties with the stewards from the estates and the matrons and old maids from all over the Marquis Mansion, and I committed their faces to memory.

After sending the housekeeper away, I saw that the sky had already gone completely dark. I wanted nothing more than to collapse back into bed and catch up on sleep.

Then the maid pushed me up again, saying the heir would still be spending the night in my rooms.

A husband was his wife’s guiding principle, so I had to dress and make myself presentable, then wait for him to return.

I sat in the chair, so sleepy my head kept nodding, and at long last, my fine husband sent a page to say he would not be coming back tonight.

Although I did not know which kindhearted young lady had taken in my unfortunate husband,

I still thanked you for sacrificing yourself and lowering my chances of contracting a venereal disease.

I was exhausted. I had just removed my hairpins and jewelry and climbed into bed when I heard the maid urging me to hurry and sleep:

“Madam, please sleep quickly. You still have to rise tomorrow to pay your respects.”

Ha ha.

A life like this was more than enough after one single day, and there was still a tomorrow?

Now I wanted to die even more.

Heaven, have mercy. Just let me drop dead on the spot.

What was the point of piling so many tiny, grinding torments onto a person?