Chapter 4
On the third day, Mother came.
She stood before me, her expression troubled, her eyes red and swollen.
Everyone wanted a harmonious family. Instead, her children had come to blows.
Her voice was hoarse. She could not have been having an easy time either.
“Your father and I have chosen a husband for you.”
“He’s your brother’s classmate. His family is poor, but he has good character and does well in his studies. He will make something of himself.”
“You’ll marry him in a month. When you’re a wife yourself, with children of your own, you’ll understand us.”
“We haven’t favored anyone. It’s just that you shouldn’t have…”
Lüzhu had told the truth.
Hatred surged through me.
I could not bear to hear another word.
I cut her off.
“Let Gu Zhiyao marry him.”
Mother stared.
“You still want to fight her?”
I raised my eyes without a flicker of feeling. The woman before me might have been a stranger rather than the woman who had given me birth.
“Let Gu Zhiyao marry him. Then I’ll believe you’ve chosen someone good.”
“You don’t trust me!”
She was furious, a hand pressed to her chest, her eyes blazing.
I lowered my gaze, unafraid.
“You don’t trust me. You broke our agreement first. You promised not to interfere with my marriage.”
“And you broke your word first by stealing someone else’s husband!”
As soon as she said it, Mother pressed her lips together. Regret flickered across her face.
It felt as though a heavy hammer had struck my heart.
Pain. Bewilderment.
At last, she had said what she really thought.
She suspected me too.
Ha.
Hahahahaha!
For a moment, I went a little mad.
A strange smile twisted my face. The words burst out, an act of revenge.
“I’ll marry Xun Yang.”
“You’ve lost your mind!”
“Then call me mad. You all say I seduced him. I tell you I didn’t, and you won’t believe me. I might as well make it true. Why suffer the blame for nothing?”
“Stop this nonsense!”
Mother raised her hand to strike me.
I closed my eyes. “Very well. Let that slap repay you for the year you fed and housed me.”
Her hand never fell. Tears filled her eyes, and she shook with anger, but she did not strike.
“A curse. It’s all a curse.”
Someone kicked open the woodshed door.
Xun Yang came in and placed himself before me, his gaze cold as he faced my mother.
“She wants to marry me. I want to marry her. Must you stand in our way, my lady?”
The night before, I had told Lüzhu to fetch Xun Yang if things went badly.
He had come.
He played the hero rescuing me.
I felt no gratitude. Only desolation.
You could not make life with your family run smoothly simply by setting three rules and heading off every possible dispute.
The disputes were merely hidden.
Leave them untouched, and everyone got along.
Touch them, and they exploded, catching everyone unprepared.
It was like the man everyone called honest. Often, he had no choice: he lacked the means to be tempted. Give him those means, and his true nature emerged.
True honesty meant having seen the world’s glitter and still choosing to remain true to yourself.
Honesty was a choice you made, not the absence of any other choice.
I had been so afraid of conflict. I thought agreeing in advance would spare us trouble. Instead, I had concealed it until everything shattered together and no way out remained.
But the world was complicated. I was no god. I could not be sure every step I took was right. I could only take one step, then consider the next.
Even after a mistake, I had to keep going first, and understand it little by little as I went.