Chapter 3

Nobody did see my aunt off.

I only caught sight of her back because I got up early to use the outhouse.

I felt sorry for her out in such cold. I pulled on my shoes and ran after her, calling, “Auntie!”

She was walking along the muddy road in the early morning, a backpack on her shoulders. Slowly, she turned.

She looked at me with a little confusion.

“You’re my brother’s daughter. Panpan?”

She knew who I was; she just didn’t know me. I nodded and took her hand.

I didn’t know what to say, and I wasn’t good at touching speeches. So I offered a well-wishing phrase I had only just learned.

“Have a safe journey, Auntie.”

The corners of her mouth lifted in a gentle smile. Then, remembering something, she took a few sweets from her pocket.

“I brought these back with me. I meant to give them to you, but I forgot.”

“Study hard when you get home, Panpan. Get into a school in a big city someday, and I’ll take you out to have fun.”

I was delighted. “Okay! Where do you live, Auntie?”

She smiled. “Shanghai. I lied when I told them Guangdong. You’re the only one I’m telling.”

“Shanghai’s huge, and there’s so much to do. Don’t let a little mountain village be your whole world, Panpan.”

Much later, I learned that she was working in sales for a clothing company in Shanghai then, while preparing for the adult college entrance examination.

She had never stopped trying to better her life, and she had never stopped learning.

She was also the first person in my life to encourage me to study hard.

I made her a solemn promise. “All right. I’ll see you in Shanghai, Auntie.”

After she left, I took the sweets home.

But I didn’t get a single one.

Mom gave them all to my brother, then made a show of putting some vegetables in my bowl.

“Panpan, too much sugar rots your teeth. And girls get fat if they eat too many sweets. Have more vegetables, okay?”

I was upset. But remembering that Dad would slap me for pulling a long face at the table, I held back my tears.

When Mom heard that I had seen my aunt off, she started “testing” me, just as I’d expected.

As she had countless times before, she used my aunt as a warning. Smiling, she said,

“Panpan, don’t you think your aunt’s strange? You won’t run off without a word and abandon us like she did, will you?”

I already knew the right answer. “No,” I said, my face blank.

“And will you love your little brother? Will you help him buy a house? When you get married, you’ll give your bride price to Mommy and Daddy too, won’t you?”

I was only eight. I barely even knew what a bride price was. How could she bring herself to ask me that?

But of course, all I could say was, “Yes.”

Satisfied, Mom ended the conversation and patted my head.

“That’s right. Mommy hasn’t loved you for nothing. Whatever you do, don’t turn out like that aunt of yours. Who doesn’t laugh at her now?”

My food tasted of nothing. I stole glances at my brother, eating sweets beside me.

Chocolate, crisp-centered sweets, creamy toffees… They must all taste so good.

My aunt had given them to me.

I didn’t think she was as terrible as everyone said.

Actually, I liked her quite a lot.