Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Before long, the “quacking” started again.

This time, it was even higher and louder than before.

If the previous sound was Donald Duck, this was now a Turbo Duck.

I knew they were doing it on purpose to retaliate, so I recorded it and called the police.

The police arrived shortly after. After we all listened to the chorus of quacks together, the officer rubbed his nose, suppressed a smirk, and said it indeed constituted a noise disturbance.

And so, I led the police to their door for the second time.

The moment the man opened the door, he barked at me, “Are you fucking finished yet?”

I didn’t say a word. The officer showed his ID and said, “Hello. You are disturbing the peace. Please keep it down; others are trying to sleep.”

Only then did the man notice the police. His eyes widened. “You fucking called the police over this?”

I couldn’t listen to him anymore. “Watch your fucking mouth. Have some damn decency.”

“Didn’t you hear the officer? You’re disturbing the peace, you know?”

He remained defiant despite being in the wrong. “I can do whatever I want in my own home! Does our private life have anything to do with you?”

Actually, his original words weren’t “private life,” but two much more direct words. For the sake of passing censorship, I’ve had to sugarcoat it a bit.

I said, “I have nothing against your marital bliss, but could you keep it down? Stop with all the quack-quack-quacking. Is your wife a duck?”

“You want to say that again?!”

I pinched my throat and mimicked them. “Quack, quack, quack, quack! Hubby, you’re so great! Quack, quack, quack, quack!”

Flush with rage, the man lunged forward to hit me.

The police pulled him back.

The officer took him aside and spent a long time trying to talk sense into him, appealing to both emotion and reason.

But the man remained like a dead pig unafraid of boiling water, stubbornly insisting it was a matter of personal privacy and none of anyone else’s business.

I understood then. The police could only mediate. I didn’t expect a person this classless to suddenly have an epiphany and turn over a new leaf.

So, I took the initiative to sign the report and saw the police off.

As expected, they soon reverted to their old ways.

I gave a cold smile.

When I try to be reasonable with you, you’d better be reasonable with me.

Otherwise, I can be more of a rogue than you.

I dug out a cardboard box.

I placed my subwoofer inside.

Then, I stuffed three sides with foam sponges.

The side without the sponge was pressed tight against the wall.

I turned the volume to the maximum.

And started playing the Diamond Sutra.

[“Namo, ratna-trayāya, namo, āryā, valokiteśvarāya, prabhā-rājanāya…”]

As the solemn Buddhist chants slowly flowed out, I felt instantly refreshed.

My entire body and mind felt purified.

This is now a sacred place of Buddhist tranquility. I wanted to see if they’d have the nerve to continue in front of Tathagata and Guanyin and the Eighteen Arhats.

Sure enough, the other side was also moved by the Great Compassion of Guanyin Bodhisattva.

They stopped immediately.

“Hubby, it’s like the Bodhisattva has manifested. Quack.”

“Manifested my ass! It’s the neighbor playing tricks!” He pounded on the wall with a thud. “Turn that music off! Why the hell are you playing sutras in the middle of the night? You psycho!”

Me: “Amitabha Buddha. Since the benefactor does not understand the Mahayana Buddhism, then this humble monk also knows a bit of martial arts.”

The other side exploded with rage and started banging on my front door.

I grabbed a knife and handed it right to him. “Today, you either hack me to death, or you go home and hold it in. Don’t pull this useless crap with me!”

He choked on his words, staring at me blankly.

I figured he usually used this tactic to intimidate others and it always worked, but today he ran into a hothead like me.

He didn’t dare take the knife, and the flush on his face slowly faded.

He even started stammering incoherently. “You-you… how is anyone supposed to sleep with you being so noisy at night?”

I was so stunned by that sentence I could hardly process it. “Are you stealing my lines?”

He sneered. “You just moved in and you dare cross me? You looking for a death wish?”

Once again, I stuck my neck out. “Come on, give it to me straight!”

He pointed at me, his finger trembling. “Fine, fine, fine. You just wait.”

This kind of parting shot is usually said by the loser. I didn’t even acknowledge him.

I slammed the door shut.

The world was finally quiet, and I finally got a peaceful night’s sleep.