chapter 5
To earn my forgiveness—and, more importantly, preserve his access to the second female lead’s homework—the male lead soon devised a second plan.
He put on a grave expression.
“My birthday is coming up.”
I sneered. “And? If you’re fishing for a gift, I’ll collect five hundred and twenty piles of gorilla poop for you.”
The male lead: “…”
He stroked his chin with an air of profundity.
“Bring Goddess to my birthday party. I’ll rig a game of Truth or Dare so the two of you get picked.”
My jaw dropped.
“That brain of yours can come up with ideas this good?”
I regarded him with newfound respect and gave him a thumbs-up.
One compliment was all it took to make his tail shoot into the air.
“At my birthday party, I’ll get you two all the way to first base in one move!”
The thought of kissing my wife stretched my grin from ear to ear.
“Excellent. I’m giving my wifey a French kiss!”
Lost in our beautiful fantasy, the two of us stood outside the study room, hands planted on our hips, laughing like a pair of villains with dangerously low IQs.
The second female lead came out and frowned at us.
“Could you two keep it down while you’re dating?”
Horror seized me. I leaped two meters away from the male lead.
“Wifey, you may insult my character, but you may not insult my taste in women!”
The male lead pressed his palms together in prayer.
“Goddess, as long as you let me copy your homework, you may insult me however you like.”
…
The male lead’s birthday party arrived as scheduled.
For the 10,086th time, I rejected his offer of a ride in his luxury car and took my humble electric scooter to his glittering society soirée with the second female lead behind me.
The summer breeze brushed our faces as she loosely wrapped her arms around my waist.
The moment was so perfect that I couldn’t help thinking:
My wife and I looked like such a sweet, perfectly matched pair of lesbians!
Her calm voice interrupted my reverie.
“The light is green. If you don’t move, the taxi driver behind us is going to beat you with his horn.”
I shrieked back to awareness.
“I’m going! I’m going! Sir, please stop honking!”
At the party, the male lead waved to us from the center of a crowd.
“Come play a game!”
My entire body jolted.
Truth or Dare already?
I thought I would have time for a few drinks and a frantic online search for kissing techniques!
His rigging proved remarkably effective. The second female lead was chosen in the very first round.
Under everyone’s urging, she said, “Truth.”
The crowd cheered and told the male lead to ask the question.
Waggling his eyebrows at me, he said, “Have you had your first kiss?”
She took a sip of wine. “Yes.”
The moment I heard her answer, I nearly stopped breathing.
Then I forced out a bitter smile and muttered to myself, “So my wifey does more than study. She descends to the mortal realm and falls in love just like everyone else.”
I was suddenly consumed with jealousy toward the lucky soul who had kissed her.
But the next second, a message from the male lead arrived.
Don’t believe her nonsense. Her first kiss was with her pet dog!
The clouds in my heart vanished.
Really, how could I be jealous of an adorable puppy?
Thank you, idiot male lead. I had decided to let him live a few more days.
Unfortunately, his rigging failed after that. We played dozens more rounds without the second female lead being chosen again.
The male lead and I remained outwardly composed while hammering at our phones beneath the table so furiously the screens nearly caught fire.
Me: Young master, what happened to rigging the game??
Male lead: The guy drawing names got drunk and completely forgot what I told him. [crying]
Me: If I don’t kiss my wifey tonight, you’ll kowtow to me three times in apology! [furious]
Male lead: QAQ
Despite my threat, everyone drank themselves senseless before I managed to bring my lips even a centimeter closer to hers.
When I was too drunk to sit upright, she gently supported my head and let me lie across her lap.
Through the haze, I heard the male lead babbling.
Looking at the two of us, he slurred, “Why’s getting one little kiss…harder than passing a class…?”
I slurred back from across the room, “So hard…kissing is way too hard…”
The second female lead watched our drunken exchange in confusion.
“How far have you two gotten, exactly? You still haven’t kissed?”
If I had not been unconscious with drink, I would have leaped to my feet and screamed with all my strength:
Even if the male lead and a piglet were the last creatures on earth, I would kiss the piglet without hesitation!
…
I dozed on her lap for a while before regaining a shred of consciousness.
My eyes suddenly opened, and I stared straight up at her.
My gaze made her uneasy.
“What is it?”
My tongue felt thick. “You’re mesmerizing.”
She did not hear me and leaned closer.
“Hm? What did you say?”
Emboldened by alcohol, I lifted my head and kissed her cheek. Then, like the shameless hooligan I was, I announced loudly:
“Wifey, I said you look mesmerizing when you study!”
Then I passed out again, leaving her alone to face the utterly unexpected kiss in stunned silence.
At some point, the male lead staggered to his feet to use the restroom. When he saw her expression, he flinched.
“Goddess, why are you sitting there grinning like a ghost?”
She froze and touched her own face, only then realizing that the corners of her mouth had risen.
Looking down at the person asleep in her lap, she sighed.
“Oh no.”