Chapter 1
Chapter 1
I was my biological parents’ second child, with an older sister above me.
My Biological Mother was heavily pregnant, hiding from the authorities in her desperate pursuit of a son.
Because my ten-year-old sister could help with chores, my Aunt reluctantly took her in.
I, at seven years old, was left at home.
It was summer then, and my Biological Mother’s belly could no longer be hidden.
She and my Biological Father had to hide in the mountains during the day, only sneaking back down at night to make me something to eat.
They would leave it on the table, covered by a bamboo mesh.
One time, they didn’t come home for two days.
I was starving, filling my belly with nothing but cold water.
Eventually, unable to hold out any longer, I scooped up the spoiled leftovers from the large wok on the stove. I didn’t even stop to grab chopsticks.
I stuffed it into my mouth by the handful.
Flies fought me for the food in my bowl, but I didn’t even bother to shoo them away.
Do you know what spoiled rice tastes like?
It’s sour, a bit bitter, and when you pick it up, it pulls into long, slimy threads. It looks like…
Vomit.
My Adoptive Father saw me like that through the iron bars of the window.
He shouted for me to stop and handed me a piece of candy.
It was a bit bitter and had melted.
It didn’t taste much better than the spoiled rice.
Only later did I learn that it was imported chocolate.
It was very expensive.
One piece could be traded for two pounds of peppermint candies.
He taught me how to draw on the ground with a stick and waited with me for two days until my biological parents finally returned.
They were cradling a newborn baby boy in their arms.
He was pale and plump.
Unlike me-dirty and thin.
Hearing that my Adoptive Father wanted to take me away, my Biological Mother spent the whole night hesitating.
The next day, she had my Biological Father kill a chicken. For the first time in my life, she placed both drumsticks in my bowl.
“Hurry up and eat!”
The drumsticks hadn’t been stewed long enough; they were so tough my gums bled as I bit into them.
But I didn’t care. I bit through the bones, sucking out every drop of juice from inside.
My Biological Mother touched my gaunt face, tears falling like rain.
“Don’t blame Mama. Every family needs a son.
“This gentleman clearly comes from a wealthy family. You’ll be much better off with them than here.
“Once you’re in their home, you must be good and obedient.”
I clung to my mother’s leg, crying and begging her: “I’ll be even more obedient from now on, please don’t give me away.”
But my Biological Father forced my hands open. He was impatient. “If you stay, we’ll have to pay a fine for your brother.”
“Where would the family get that kind of money?”
The sun was fierce that day.
It stretched his shadow long, casting it heavily over me.
I sobbed uncontrollably within that massive shadow, trembling all over.
My Adoptive Father stepped forward, firmly covering my ears. He frowned and said, “Don’t say such things to the child.”
“She hasn’t done anything wrong!”
He lifted me onto a tall motorcycle and buckled his only helmet onto my head.
The helmet was far too big, like a wobbling mountain.
It was also like…
A giant embrace.
The motorcycle sputtered to life, emitting a cloud of black smoke.
My Biological Mother chased after us, stuffing half a bag of peppermint candies into my hand. “Eat them all, they’re all for you!”
She usually kept these candies locked away, rewarding me with a single piece only when I behaved exceptionally well.
“Don’t blame Mama, Mama has no choice…”
My Adoptive Father revved the engine. The rushing wind blew away my Biological Mother’s instructions and her regrets.
I grabbed a handful of peppermint candies and stuffed them into my mouth.
So cold.
So bitter!
My young self couldn’t understand.
Why was one candy so sweet, but a whole handful so bitter?
My Adoptive Father took me home and threw a birthday party for me.
He took my hand and said, “Today is the day of your rebirth. From now on, this day will be your birthday every year.”
All the relatives came.
Aside from my Adoptive Mother, who remained indifferent, everyone else spoke to me in soft, gentle voices.
I wore a princess dress and held a plastic knife. A two-tiered birthday cake sat before me. I stood there, stiff as a board, squeezing out a forced smile for the dark camera lens.
I was terrified, feeling like a thief.
I had stolen some princess’s time.
Once the magic vanished, I would be forced back into my original form.
And sure enough.
That night, unable to sleep, I heard my Adoptive Mother’s sharp interrogation.
“I didn’t care when you were fooling around with those women before, but now you’re bringing a child home?
“Where does that leave me?
“What ‘adopted daughter’ crap? She’s your illegitimate daughter, isn’t she?
“And you want me to be her mother? You’ve gone too far!”
…
The moonlight was dim as I gripped the doorframe tightly.
I looked up to see the door to the opposite room open. My older brother, Chu Qi, stared at me through the crack, his gaze pinned on me with pure loathing.