Chapter 3
Chapter 3
Three years passed with the turning of the seasons.
The estate behaved as though I did not exist. I never saw Yuanyuan, but Xu Jingniang often sent little keepsakes. One was a calligraphy brush made from the hair cut at Yuanyuan’s first birthday. I treasured it, holding it whenever longing became unbearable, and my gratitude toward Jingniang deepened.
One day I selected tender lotus leaves, strained their juice, and mixed it with glutinous rice flour, milk, red beans, and brown sugar. The result was two brimming boxes of jade-green lotus cakes. With Nanny Wang beside me, I carried them to Pine-and-Plum Nunnery as alms.
I had barely crossed the gate when a tiny child barreled into me.
The little girl had fair, delicate skin and beautiful features. She wore a bright red silk dress embroidered with butterflies, and a gleaming golden longevity lock hung at her throat.
One look at those familiar eyes and my chest seized so tightly I could not breathe.
“Yuanyuan, don’t run. You will fall.”
At the gentle voice, Xu Jingniang appeared.
She stared at me in shock. Yuanyuan had already flung herself into her arms, crying.
“Mother, that woman bumped into me. It hurts!”
“Yuanyuan, mind your manners!” Jingniang scolded, then gave me an apologetic look.
I bowed nearly to the ground.
“Greetings, Madam.”
Jingniang hurried to raise me. Turning to Yuanyuan, she said, “This auntie’s surname is Liu. She is a friend of Mother’s. Come and greet her properly.”
Yuanyuan was spoiled, but beautifully taught. She toddled over, made a solemn little curtsy, and said in her milky voice, “Good day, Auntie.”
Heat stung my eyes while my palms turned to ice. Shame, bitterness, longing, relief—every violent emotion crashed over me at once, nearly knocking me from my feet.
Nothing in the world was crueler than a mother and daughter meeting as strangers.
My child stood within reach, yet I could not gather her soft, sweet body into my arms.
Holding back tears, I pinched a small piece from the peanut brittle in my purse and offered it through my handkerchief.
“Here, sweetheart. Auntie has a sweet for you. Only one piece, or your teeth will ache.”
Yuanyuan looked to Jingniang. Only after receiving permission did she accept it with another curtsy. At the first bite, her eyes lit up and her face blossomed into a smile.
“Mother! Auntie’s candy is delicious. So sweet!”
Jingniang tapped her nose. “Little glutton.”
My tears broke free.
Then a stern old woman’s voice rang out.
“Jingniang, why are you letting Yuanyuan linger with an outsider? Come inside.”
My heart jolted. I had never heard that voice, yet instinct recognized danger as surely as a mouse knows a cat or a snake an eagle.
A white-haired woman of commanding bearing rounded the screen wall, supported by a maid.
Jingniang shot me a worried glance, then led Yuanyuan away.
I lowered my head and knelt.
“Miss Liu, you have remarkable audacity,” Old Madam Lu said coldly.
“I did not intend to encounter you or Madam Xu. It was truly by chance.”
“You have belonged to Lanci for years. You should know your place and cause no trouble. A woman of your degraded station cannot be allowed to pollute our blood. If you harbor any foolish ambitions, you will be put to death.”
A maid stepped forward and slapped me twice, forehand and backhand, with practiced efficiency.
“A small punishment, so you remember the lesson. Conduct yourself accordingly.”
Supported by the maid, the old madam walked away. From beginning to end, she did not look directly at me.
I sat on my knees, touching my swollen, burning cheek. Strangely, I felt nothing.
Nanny Wang helped me home in silence.
Zheng Lanci arrived after nightfall.
Gone was his warm, easy smile. He looked at me gravely.
“I hear you offended Mother today.”
I was exhausted, but I still had to defend myself.
“I would never dare. It was an accidental meeting. I went to deliver cakes to the nuns, not knowing the old madam and your wife had brought Yuanyuan to worship. That was all—”
“What is done is done. There is no point in arguing.”
He cut me off, frowning as one finger tapped the table.
“Without today’s incident, Mother would have ignored you even if you lived in luxury on Jing’an Lane for the rest of your life. But you saw Yuanyuan. You fed her and left an impression. That makes you a danger.
“One meeting leads to another. Jingniang is softhearted; who can say you will not seek the child again and disturb her life? Mother no longer trusts you, Susu.”
His voice turned decisive.
“You cannot remain in Yongning.”
Leave Yongning?
Leave Zheng Lanci?
Leave my daughter?
My eyes burned. I bit my lip until I smothered the sob in my throat, then fell to my knees and looked up at him pleadingly.
He stood so high above me. With one turn of his palm, he could rule my life.
The life of an ant, cheap enough to crush beneath a heel.
“I know I was wrong. Please show mercy, my lord. Do not cast me out! I—I swear I will never see Young Lady Yuanying again!”
He sighed.
“Do you think Mother could be deceived? She discovered that Nanny Wang questioned one of my attendants about her visit to the nunnery. You were too clever for your own good.”
He looked at me helplessly.
“You desired what you had no right to desire. Mother ordered only that I send you away because of Yuanyuan. She did not want her granddaughter’s mother’s blood on her hands.
“I have had your valuables packed. There are also two thousand taels in banknotes. Keep them close and do not invite robbery. I own a residence in Jiangzhou where you can settle. Nanny Wang has chosen to accompany you, and I will assign two strong retainers as escorts.
“Mother’s order is that you must not see another sunrise in Yongning. You leave tonight.”
Zheng Lanci was a devoted son. Against his mother’s pressure, this was the most he could do for me. I knew there could be no appeal.
How stupid I had been. Driven mad by longing, I had dared play tricks before the woman who ruled the estate. This was the price.
I bent low and struck my forehead against the floor.
When I raised my head again, my tears had dried.
“You rescued me from a life of misery. I can never repay such grace. Our fates part here, but wherever I go, I will spend the rest of my life doing good and praying for you and Young Lady Yuanying.”
His eyes glistened. His lips trembled, but he said nothing more. Covering his face, he waved for me to leave.
Nanny Wang, the two retainers, and I departed beneath the cover of darkness.
I left Yongning behind.