chapter 5

I blocked the Marquis of Anning’s path.

“Wait, my lord! If you keep jolting Miss Ruyan around like that, the golden treasure in her belly will soon be shaken into golden sewage.”

He stamped in agitation. “Then what should I do?”

I grabbed Physician Liu, who was hiding in the crowd eating seeds.

“Physician Liu, stop stuffing your face. You’ve got work.”

Then I turned to the Marquis.

“Put Miss Ruyan on that cushioned couch and let Physician Liu take her pulse.”

Ruyan sprang upright like a carp.

“M-my lord… I suddenly feel perfectly refreshed. There is no need to trouble a physician.”

In the face of such touching consideration, I transformed into a champion of justice.

“Nonsense, Miss. You carry the Marquis’s precious heir. Rest assured. With me here, no one can mistreat you.”

I even shot Wang Xiuxiu a contemptuous look.

“I simply cannot stand certain people’s arrogance.”

The woman stopped crying and tried to force herself off the couch.

“If a man examines me before all these people, my purity will be ruined.”

“That makes no sense.” I pressed her down. “Imperial physicians examine pregnant consorts in the palace. Are you saying every one of those noble ladies has lost her purity?”

“An heir is a matter of supreme importance. If you insist on leaving and miscarry, the sin will shorten your life.”

The Marquis found this perfectly reasonable. He thoughtfully tucked a blanket around her.

“Be good, Ruyan. Once you bear me another child, I will raise you to the rank of co-wife.”

The woman trembled and hid her hand beneath her body.

“No. I will not have my pulse taken. I would rather die!”

I wrenched out her hand and pinned it firmly to the couch.

“Physician Liu, what are you staring at? Take her pulse!”

“Do a good job, and the Marquis may reward you with a very fat red packet.”

Physician Liu had been annoyed at being dragged from his entertainment to work.

The promise of money immediately put him in a professional mood.

Ruyan struggled even harder.

“Release me! You are trying to drive me to my death!”

Physician Liu set three fingers against her wrist.

First came confusion. Then shock. At last, his face twisted like a bitter gourd.

The Marquis rubbed his hands frantically.

“Physician! Is the fetus unstable?”

I swiftly handed him brush and ink.

“Write the prescription! Add all the ginseng and deer antler you like. The Marquis is rich!”

I could not help being so warmhearted.

Physician Liu’s suspended brush trembled, dripping ink across the paper.

The Marquis flew into a rage.

“You quack! Can you not even write a prescription? If you cause a delay, I will have your life!”

The brush flew from Physician Liu’s hand. His knees buckled, and he kowtowed.

“Mercy, my lord! This lady’s pulse is flatter than my trouser belt. She is not pregnant at all!”

“What?!” the Marquis roared.

He still retained a trace of reason and had not spoken loudly.

I leaped up and bellowed so every spectator could hear.

“What! You say this woman is not pregnant? How can that be?”

Then I turned to recap the scandal for the crowd.

“You all heard her say she was carrying the Marquis’s child.”

Ruyan lay ashen on the couch, still struggling desperately.

“My lord, this quack has harmed me. I must go home and have Physician Qi examine me.”

Physician Liu feared being mistaken for a fraud. With all the neighbors watching, his livelihood was on the line.

“Heaven and earth are my witnesses! I have practiced medicine for thirty years. I can tell whether even a boar or sow is pregnant!”

“You were never pregnant. Why slander my good name?”

I slapped my forehead in feigned realization.

“Ohhh. So it was a fake pregnancy.”

The Marquis’s face turned liver-red, shock and suspicion wrestling across it.

Ruyan switched on the tears at once.

“My lord, do you trust me or this quack? Physician Qi has always taken my pulse. Once he comes, my pregnancy will return.”

Wang Xiuxiu finally spoke, smiling with considerate sweetness.

“Why go to such trouble? I have already sent for a physician from the Imperial Medical Academy. We will soon know whether Sister is pregnant.”

At those words, Liu Ruyan fainted on the spot.

Before half a day had passed, all of Chang’an knew.

“Have you heard? The Marquis of Anning was led around by the nose by a woman faking a pregnancy!”

“She acted so convincingly too. She strutted around every day with a belly full of dinner.”

“The Marquis even promised to make her his co-wife! How ridiculous!”

And so the Marquis of Anning won Chang’an’s annual award for Most Blind Husband.

His reputation had fallen lower than the bottom of a chamber pot.