Chapter 5

With my hair loose and my clothes disheveled, I left the madam at a loss to understand what I wanted.

Only two kinds of women came to a brothel: those selling themselves, and those making trouble.

I was plainly neither.

She waved her fan and drawled, “Wrong door, isn’t it? This isn’t a charity.”

“I have a valuable business proposition,” I said. “Would you care to hear it?”

Madam Li scoffed. “What profitable business could a woman in your sorry state possibly offer?”

I borrowed paper and a brush from the counter and wrote two characters.

“A promissory note?” she read.

I nodded.

She laughed. “First, I’m not a moneylender. Second, in your condition, how would you repay me? You want something for nothing, and you’ve got the nerve to ask.”

I shook my head.

“It isn’t money I want to borrow. But what I repay you will be good silver.”

Brothels knew a great deal about beating women into obedience.

How to inflict pain without marking the skin. How to leave terrible marks without damaging bone or sinew.

“I want to borrow enough injuries to cover my body, without any lasting damage.”

Madam Li raised an eyebrow. “I’ve lived more than half my life, and this is the first time anyone has offered to pay for a beating.”

“It takes all sorts to make a world.”

She agreed.

It would cost her nothing and earn her plenty. Her business already kept her on a knife’s edge; trouble didn’t frighten her.

Once we had also agreed on the price of her silence, I signed the note with my name, Su Lingxu, and pressed my thumbprint beneath it.

I was cautious to a fault. No one understood rules better than I did.

Only before, rules had been something to obey.

Now they were something to use.

A shackle could also be a key.

I should have understood that sooner.

I had bowed my head. I had never been greedy. All I wanted was a quiet life with my daughter. But this world seemed to bully the weak and fear the strong: the more I humbled myself, the less peace I found.

If that was how it was, I might as well try living without fear of death.

I followed Madam Li into a woodshed.

She handed me a cloth. “Bite down. Don’t hurt your tongue.”

Even a beating that did no lasting harm was still a beating.

I clenched the cloth between my teeth, sweat covering my forehead. Through the haze of pain, I thought of Suisui.

Both her hands had been broken by blows.

How much had she hurt?

A basin of cold water struck me over the head.

“Miss Su, wake up. Time to go. Any later, and you’ll miss your chance.”

I staggered through the rainy night. As the sky began to pale, my strength gave out and I fell to my knees.

The clouds dispersed and the rain stopped. Kneeling in the mud, I crawled on.

Su Lingxu, hold on a little longer.

Only one last step.