Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Where should I begin?

Perhaps I should start from when I first met Song Duhe, or from the day he brought me home from the medical clinic.

Back then, I was like a frightened bird.

I didn’t know how to act around him. To me, he was merely a kind soul I had encountered a few times. Suddenly living in his home made me feel cramped and uneasy.

But on that first night, Song Duhe didn’t appear in the bedroom or the main hall. He stayed in the kitchen, making a pallet on the floor.

He was thoughtful enough to avoid every situation that might have caused me panic or distress.

My heart was struck once more. A sour, aching emotion surged through me like a wild horse racing against the wind.

No one had ever considered my difficulties so thoughtfully. He didn’t even wait for me to speak; he simply did what needed to be done.

Later, after we had lived together for some time, I asked him about it.

He thought for a long while before answering sincerely, “I didn’t want to play dumb. If I thought of it, I did it. It wasn’t much trouble, and it made you feel more at ease.”

I stood dazed for a long time.

He didn’t want to play dumb…

He just did it…

It wasn’t much trouble…

I suddenly realized the truth of how poorly I had been treated in the past. My mother was a noble lady from a prestigious family who could manage the entire Lin Manor with perfect order, yet she couldn’t see whether I was being bullied or mistreated at home.

My father was a powerful minister who could use his silver tongue to defeat ten opponents at once in a den of enemies, yet he couldn’t see my lowly status within his own household.

My elder brother was a young master of a great house, praised by everyone for being brilliant, sharp-witted, and keen-eyed, yet he couldn’t see my embarrassment, my insecurity, or my cowardice.

They felt that as long as I was a Chu family member, I ought to possess the poise of a Chu family member. Because I couldn’t achieve it, they felt I had brought shame upon them.

But I am a human being, not a god.

One does not automatically acquire beauty, talent, and grace just because their surname changes. One does not transform into a deity simply because they have been gilded with gold leaf.

They were willing to spend their energy criticizing me, but they were never willing to truly open their eyes and look at me.

Love, after all, begins with truly seeing someone.

If you don’t love someone, you are blind to their plight.

Perhaps they did see it, but they simply found it too troublesome. They didn’t want to waste their thoughts on me, so they played dumb and glossed over it.

From the moment I stepped into the Lin family, the ending had already been written.

Suppressing the myriad of thoughts in my heart, I said softly, “You should move back in. I trust you.”

Song Duhe set down his chopsticks and looked at me with a calm, serious expression.

“Zhizhi, you shouldn’t be like this. Even if I am a good person, you shouldn’t act this way.”

I froze.

At first, I thought I had done something wrong.

Later, through the long days spent with Song Duhe, I came to understand his meaning.

I couldn’t just surrender my boundaries because of a little bit of kindness. It starts with a room, then a bed, and eventually, there might be no boundaries left at all.

Good people can make mistakes; good people can succumb to temptation. I couldn’t place a good man on the pedestal of a saint and expect him never to falter.

Furthermore, he worked so hard to be good to me because he wanted me to experience so much kindness that, in the future, I wouldn’t feel obligated to go through fire and water or die ten thousand deaths for someone else just because they showed me a tiny spark of warmth.

That would be thinking too little of myself.

Song Duhe was truly a very, very good man.

So good, in fact, that on the day I fully recovered, I felt a twinge of fear.

Once healed, it was time to leave. But in the depths of my heart, I was loath to go.

Humans are greedy; once they have tasted a bit of kindness, they cling to it. When Song Duhe said he was going out to buy some things for my journey, I actually breathed a secret sigh of relief.

At that moment, I hoped our farewell would come slowly. Even if it was inevitable, delaying it for even a moment was a blessing.

However, I waited a day and a night, and Song Duhe did not return.

Early the next morning, I stood at the door with my small bundle, peering in every direction. I thought about just leaving, but in the end, as I walked out of the alley, I turned a corner to look for him.

I felt I should ask why, rather than leaving in a muddle of sadness.

I found Song Duhe in an alleyway. His legs had been broken, and he lay on the ground in a wretched state, like a tattered rag doll, trying to crawl out inch by inch.

When he saw me, his eyes widened slightly, filled with a deep sense of regret.

“Zhizhi, why haven’t you left? You should have gone…”