Chapter 2

As Master approached the house, he heard women laughing and playing from a distance.

His steps faltered.

I swung from his ear, shrieking, “Keep going! Keep going!”

We were getting captured either way. The sooner it happened, the sooner I could look at pretty women.

Master gently touched the tip of his ear. “All right, all right.”

“Is Jiaojiao hungry?”

Did being ravenous for hot women count?

Master patted my head. “I’ll ask for alms for you right away.

“Before you start having another meltdown.”

Ha. How thoughtful of you.

“Lady benefactors, might this poor monk trouble you for a vegetarian meal?”

The laughter stopped.

Seven women swiftly gathered around us. Their slender eyes narrowed slightly as they silently examined Master.

I examined them, too.

The original novel had clearly described them draped in gauzy gowns, their figures slender and graceful. Sanzang hadn’t dared look twice.

But now—

Here they stood before me.

The gowns were gauzy, all right.

But why were they wearing underlayers?

Flesh-colored ones, at that.

Dear God.

Was there no justice in this world?

My heart turned to ash.

Seeing their suspicious expressions, Master began introducing himself. “Please do not be afraid, ladies. I am a pilgrim from the Great Tang in the East, bound for the Great Thunderclap Monastery in the West to seek the scriptures.”

Master, had it ever occurred to you—

That they looked suspicious because they couldn’t believe someone had the nerve to ask them for alms?

Were you worried they might let you go?

Sure enough, the moment Master finished speaking, every woman’s eyes lit up.

They eagerly ushered him into their cave dwelling.

And… started taking off their gauzy gowns.

And I started going AAAAAAH!

Then, a second later, spider silk shot out of their navels.

And plastered itself all over my face and Master’s.

AAAAAARGH!

Happiness was so fleeting.

The Spider Demons captured Master and me and hung us in their web.

Then they went out to bathe in a pool, planning to come back and eat.

They certainly had a whole ritual around mealtimes…

Presumably because they thought Master was only mortal, the web they’d left behind wasn’t particularly difficult to break.

Once I’d rescued Master, he gazed at me with tears shimmering in his eyes. “Jiaojiao, you’ve grown up.”

…

On the way back with Master, I ran into Eldest Brother coming to rescue us.

He was astonished. He stared at me for a long time, and there was actually a hint of disappointment in his eyes. “Jiaojiao, you’ve grown up.”

I opened my mouth. I wanted to swear at someone, though I wasn’t sure why.

I told everyone that the Spider Demons had gone to bathe.

Eldest Brother considered this for a moment, then decided to get us moving and leave at once.

“They are women, after all, and they’re bathing. Attacking and killing them now would damage my reputation.”

Coiled on top of his head, I tugged at his hair. “Aw, Brother, you feel sorry for them, don’t you?

“It’s only natural. Such pretty ladies. Of course you can’t bear to kill them.”

Eldest Brother lifted me off his head and frowned. “What nonsense are you spouting now?”

Second Brother’s eyes shifted. With a righteous hatred of evil, he declared that we couldn’t let the Spider Demons get away. We had to root them out once and for all.

I looked at Second Brother.

Second Brother looked at me.

Telepathic connection established.

So I said, “Second Brother’s right! I’ll go with him!”

I definitely didn’t want to watch the Spider Demons bathe.

I was just an ordinary champion of justice.