Chapter 2
Chapter 2
It wasn’t until a year ago that my newly widowed sister, Cui Mingshu, turned up with a swollen belly while still in mourning.
The clan considered it a great disgrace and pressed her to reveal the identity of her lover. In the dead of night, Yan Lang arrived on horseback through a torrential downpour. He swept Cui Mingshu-still clad in her mourning white-into his arms like a precious treasure and hid her away in a traveling palace.
The ministers submitted memorial after memorial, urging him to reconsider.
But Yan Lang brushed them all aside with a single, nonchalant remark: “The harem is empty, and the Empress has no sons.”
Only one stubborn holdout remained, Censor Li. Even after being subjected to a court caning, he continued to kneel outside the palace hall.
Yan Lang cursed him for being as stubborn as a rock in a latrine, exiled him to Lingnan, and demoted him to a lowly minor official.
With Censor Li serving as an example, the other officials stopped protesting and began debating whether the title for the new Noble Consort should be ‘Hui’ or ‘Shu.’
When I heard the news, I stormed into the traveling palace with a sword in hand. Yet, standing behind the beaded curtain, a terrifying moment of hesitation flickered in my heart.
I had heard rumors over the years.
They said the son of the Wang clan had never consummated his marriage with Cui Mingshu, nor did he dare to take a concubine. Then, after Yan Lang ascended the throne, the man died under mysterious circumstances.
Seeing me frozen there, Cui Mingshu proudly flaunted her protruding belly, covering her mouth with a handkerchief as she giggled.
She laughed at my cowardice, laughed at my sincerity, and laughed even more at how I had been kept in the dark all these years, paving the way for her.
“Sister, the person A-Lang always wanted to marry was me. But the struggle for the throne was so treacherous back then; he couldn’t bear to lose the Cui family’s support, nor could he bear to gamble with my life.
“That’s why he had me marry into the Wang clan to avoid the danger, and chose you-a wild seed born to a mistress-to stand in the line of fire.”
Having said that, she glanced contemptuously at the sword in my hand, seeing right through my forced ferocity.
“Sister, did you know? You actually could have had children.
“Unfortunately, the day you were soaking in that icy water happened to be my birthday.
“I said I wanted to eat jujube flower cakes from the palace. When A-Lang rushed them to me on horseback, they were still warm.
“But you see, I found them too sweet, so I didn’t take a single bite.”
The memory of those five years of bitter medicine seemed to suddenly seize my heart and lungs. A bitter, metallic taste surged up my throat.
By the time I came to my senses, my sword had already slashed through the beaded curtain.
Large and small pearls scattered across the steps alongside her screams. Blood began to gush from between Cui Mingshu’s legs.
She hadn’t expected me to actually strike, and she had stumbled while trying to dodge.
Yan Lang rushed in. A sudden slap landed on my face, sending me staggering.
I refused to bow my head and let the tears fall. I simply looked up at him fixedly, laughing through my tears as I spoke each word with deliberation:
“Yan Lang, the next time I see her, I will kill her.”
Hearing this, the look of guilt in Yan Lang’s eyes vanished instantly.
“You madwoman! Your behavior is insane! You are blinded by greed!
“Just because you cannot conceive, can you really not tolerate even a single child?”
I wanted to laugh out loud, but instead, large tears rolled down my face.
“Yan Lang, did you really come looking for me immediately that day?”
He stared at me in shock, unable to utter a single word.
The truth, arriving so late, was like a rusty knife slowly sawing at my heart.
From then on, aside from the Sericulture Ceremony and disaster relief efforts, I stopped seeing Yan Lang.
I also stopped taking the bitter medicine that made me grimace.
Until six months ago, on my birthday, Yan Lang sent six-year-old Heng’er to me.
The eighth month was as hot as flowing fire. I was instructing the female officials as they inventoried and registered the birthday gifts sent by officials from across the land.
When Yan Lang arrived that evening, I thought he was coming to apologize and yield. I thought the boy was the child of some noble lady.
Yan Lang pushed the timid Heng’er in front of me, looking as though he had finally had enough of my constant coldness.
“This child is from a collateral branch of the family. He will be recorded under your name. From now on, you won’t have to worry about others gossiping about your infertility, nor will you have to fear your power falling into other hands. Even if Shu’er enters the palace, you will always be my Empress. I will not easily depose you.”
I set down my counting rods and looked up, meeting Yan Lang’s gaze with unwavering resolve, refusing to yield even an inch.
“Your Majesty may take as many concubines as you wish-hundreds or even thousands, I do not care.
“But if Cui Mingshu is to enter the palace, it will be over my dead body.”
Seeing my aggressive stance, Yan Lang finally lost the last of his patience. He flung his sleeve and stormed off, throwing back a final remark:
“Cui Zhangzhu, now that you have a child, I no longer owe you anything.”
The wind made the nine-branched lamps tremble. The cacophony of cicadas and insects outside was as loud as the sound of the child’s crying.
Heng’er wiped his tears while hitting me with all his might.
“They all say you’re a bad person! You couldn’t have children of your own, so you’re stealing me away from my mother!”
Eunuch Zhou hurriedly tried to cover the boy’s mouth. I shook my head and signaled for him to let go.
I didn’t know how to coax a child, but my eyes happened to fall upon a box of Lychee Preserve that had been sent as tribute from Lingnan.
Eunuch Zhou was a veteran of the palace; in the past, he had been quite skilled at playing with the young princes. He had his apprentice, Xiao Congzi, bring over a golden cricket box and sprawled on the ground to tease a cricket for Heng’er’s amusement.
After eating the Lychee Preserve and tiring himself out from playing, Heng’er eventually fell asleep.
“When he wakes up, send him back. His mother must miss him dearly.”
I put away the box of Lychee Preserve. Suddenly, I remembered that whenever I had to drink bitter medicine in the past, there always seemed to be a portion of candied fruit like this.
The handwriting on the accompanying note was elegant and handsome. The strokes of the characters felt strangely familiar, yet I couldn’t recall where I had seen them before:
“Do not let this finite body be forever consumed by infinite sorrow.”
This line of poetry touched a chord in my heart. I asked the maid beside me, Tong’er, “Which birthday of mine is it today?”
Tong’er was startled, then quickly smiled and said, “It is Your Majesty’s auspicious day. You are only twenty-three.”
I married Yan Lang at fourteen. Three years were spent imprisoned in Yongxiang, five years were spent consuming bitter medicine, and one year remained for this life-and-death struggle with Cui Mingshu.
I smiled faintly, resting my chin on my hand as I looked at the cricket in the golden cage. The Ever-Victorious General, who had won the fight but lost a leg, was huddled in a corner, baring its fangs and brandishing its claws in a hollow show of strength.
I suddenly felt it was a bit like me.
A bit pitiful, and a bit ridiculous.
Coming back to my senses, I saw the snow falling softly outside. Eunuch Zhou saw my pale face and my incessant coughing, so he hurriedly signaled Xiao Congzi to quietly bring in some charcoal.
Before Yan Lang and I had fallen out, he knew my cold affliction flared up severely in winter. Thus, Jianjia Palace was always prepared with medicinal soups, floor heating, and fine charcoal, making the winter as warm as midsummer.
I understood that cutting off the medicine and reducing the charcoal was Yan Lang’s doing. He wanted to grind down my resolve and force me to bow my head and admit my faults.
I didn’t have the heart to make things difficult for Eunuch Zhou, nor did I want to see the lower-ranking servants punished because of me.
However, when the cold affliction flared up, it felt as if ice thorns were growing through every bone and limb, the pain so intense that tears and cold sweat soaked my clothes.
In the throes of such agony, the body and mind are no longer one’s own. In a wretched state, one might kowtow and surrender to fate, admitting to wrongs never committed.
The furnace fire burned brightly. After drinking a bowl of medicine to dispel the cold, the Lychee Preserve chased away most of the bitterness in my mouth.
When I first thought of leaving, I had been hesitant and worried. The world is vast, and though I had pondered for half a year, I didn’t know where to go.
But now, holding the medicine bowl and looking down at the yellowed note on the preserve box, I took a sip of the soup and asked softly, “Eunuch Zhou, is it cold in Lingnan?”
“That place has long summers and no winters! It’s like being steamed from above and boiled from below-it’s frighteningly hot! Why does Your Majesty ask?”
It was nothing.
If Lingnan is warm, then I shall go to Lingnan.
If it doesn’t snow there, perhaps my body won’t hurt so much.
Then I wouldn’t have to surrender to fate for the sake of a basket of charcoal, making me despise myself so much.