Chapter 5
Good news: I had saved the emperor.
Bad news: I had knocked him unconscious.
They locked me in the woodshed to await judgment. Fortunately, he woke by evening. The physician blamed the dizziness on high-speed spinning and prescribed rest.
The emperor neither punished nor thanked me. With an unreadable expression, he asked what reward I wanted. Father had warned me to watch my words, so I dared ask for nothing.
After some thought, His Majesty promoted me to Noble Lady Rou and took my entire family back to the capital.
I returned grinning and met Father’s miserable face. “We’re going home. Aren’t you happy?”
“Living beneath the emperor’s eye won’t be as free as Yangzhou. You wouldn’t understand.”
He sighed constantly, perhaps from middle age. When I asked after Senior Brother, Father snapped, “He climbed the wall and fled the instant the assassins appeared. Men are still hunting him.”
“Don’t worry. He runs faster than I do.”
Somehow that did not comfort him.
Only the system was thrilled. [Already a Noble Lady! Our mission is within reach.]
During the journey, it crammed my head with harem lore. [There is no empress. Noble Consort Lin holds the highest rank. Born to a great clan, she is beautiful, poised, and accomplished in every art. Defeat her and become number one in the harem.]
I thumped my chest. “Easy. A delicate beauty like that cannot take one punch.”
[Not that kind of defeat! No more martial arts, no more six meals a day. The emperor likes educated women. You will read eight books every day.]
Whenever I ate an extra bite, the system shocked me. Li Xue’er thought I had seizures and refused to share my carriage. By the time we reached the capital, I had lost a great deal of weight and packed my head with knowledge.
“Her pale hand drifted over his powerful waist and slowly explored downward…”
[Which essay is that?]
“A once-in-a-century masterpiece. You wouldn’t understand.”
The system warned me to work hard and went dormant. [Don’t bother me over small matters. I can’t help with big ones.]
I thought I heard geese honking in the background. Did systems raise geese?
Noble Consort Lin immediately showed why she ruled the harem. Maid Xiaochan said His Majesty had assigned me Qixiang Palace, but the consort declared me talentless and unworthy, banishing me to remote Cuiwei Palace instead.
The place was a ruin of dead vines and creaking doors. When one door fell, I lifted it with one hand. “Firewood! Yinling, roast me ten chickens.”
“Your Ladyship, aren’t you angry at the Noble Consort’s bullying?”
I pointed toward the gate. “If you have breath to gossip, fetch dinner. Remember, I eat enough for ten.”
Did she truly think I was all brawn and no brains?