Chapter 3

Officer Liu and I nearly coughed up blood. Did that make any fucking sense?

Who went out in the middle of the night, carrying snail noodles, to kill himself in an elevator?

Bashful Boy planted his hands on his hips in front of Invincible Darling.

“Exactly! It had to be him.”

He trotted into the elevator.

“He must have reached the second floor and suddenly decided he didn’t want to live anymore.”

“So he held a knife against himself and chopped his head off, threw the knife out, and kicked his own head.”

“That’s how it got stuck in the doors.”

Was that… supposed to be a sentence a human being could say?

I could feel my brain shriveling.

But Invincible Darling and Li Yu both nodded.

“Exactly, exactly. That’s what happened.”

I gritted my teeth.

“Have you ever seen someone throw away a knife and kick his own head after it’s been cut off?”

Invincible Darling was perfectly serious.

“A couple of days ago, I saw someone get cut clean in half and put himself back together.”

I stared.

“You saw a ghost?”

Invincible Darling thought about it.

“No. It was a cat. I think his name was Tom.”

I… Fine. If it was Tom, what else was there to say? Tom was fucking amazing, all right!

Officer Liu and I ignored all three of them and headed for the elevator shaft.

The maintenance staff had opened the access door. We climbed in and began looking for a possible weapon around the first and second floors.

We searched the place and found no trace of one.

We did, however, find a clue.

There was a white mark on one of the steel cables suspending the elevator car.

It looked as if someone had sliced across it with a knife.

Which meant the weapon had definitely been inside the shaft.

We climbed back out and went straight to the roof.

There was an entrance to the shaft up here. If the cables below were marked, perhaps there’d be traces here too.

Sure enough, as soon as we arrived, we found marks where the lock on the shaft entrance had been pried open.

So the killer had operated from the roof.

But how did you kill someone in an elevator shaft from the roof?

The method had me completely stumped.

Officer Liu thought for a moment.

“I’ll get the security footage. See if we can identify the killer.”

“Anyone who came up to the roof is a suspect.”

I nodded.

“Sure. With these two big idiots around, we should be safe.”

Just after Officer Liu left, I noticed Li Yu squatting on the roof with his back to me.

I called to him.

“Li Yu, what are you doing?”

He ignored me. Huh? Since when did calling him stop working?

I tried again.

“Li Yu.”

He kept his back to me.

“I’m mad. You keep calling me a big idiot.”

I walked over and was shaken to my core.

A hulking, muscular man, six foot three, was drawing little circles on the ground.

He muttered to himself.

“Stupid Dongdong. Call me a big idiot again and I won’t save you next time!”

My mouth twitched. When a cute girl did that, it was adorable.

When he did it, wasn’t that just that idiot Dachun all over again?

I scratched my head so hard my CPU was practically smoking before I finally managed to find something soothing to say.

“Silly Baby.”

“I’ll call you Silly Baby from now on. Happy?”

Li Yu’s eyes lit up. He turned and held out his hand.

“Hold hands!”

My heart pounded. I wanted to kick him off the roof.

I asked through gritted teeth:

“Do you know something?”

“People like you when you’re a creepy, obsessive bastard who’ll brutalize me and kill me if I don’t love you!”

“Though I don’t actually know what a ‘creepy, obsessive bastard’ is supposed to mean…”

Li Yu looked at me seriously.

“Didn’t you say you loved me?”

I paused. True. The first time I’d gone to his place, he’d forced me to grit my teeth and say it.

I nodded.

“And?”

Li Yu smiled.

“Well, if you love me, why would I be so mean to you?”

“I’ll only kill you if you don’t love me.”

I curled my lip. I didn’t believe a word of his bullshit. He was all tough talk and a soft heart.

After all this time, he wasn’t going to kill me!

I gave him a wicked grin.

“The people online taught me a line. I’m going to say it now!”

“Listen carefully!”

“Li Yu, you’re not my dog anymore. I don’t love you!”

I was just waiting to see if he’d get so upset he’d cry when a flying cleaver nearly buried itself in my skull.

I took off in terror.

I’d barely started running when Invincible Darling caught me.

He chuckled.

“Roomie! You want to kill the Scorpion Demon too?”

“Let’s do it together!”

Li Yu punched him straight in the face.

“He doesn’t love me. If anyone kills him, it’ll be me!”

Invincible Darling staggered back several steps. I seized the chance to escape.

Li Yu had already picked the cleaver up off the ground.

He caught up in a few long strides and grabbed me.

The cleaver came down toward my head as he said:

“How is dying together for love not a happy ending?”

I hurriedly begged for mercy.

“Li Yu, I love you! I love you!”

The cleaver stopped a hundredth of a centimeter from my head.

I let out a long breath. Never, ever again. Not even if someone beat me to death would I say that line.

He’d actually tried to chop me!

Li Yu shoved the cleaver straight back into his shorts.

I’d seriously underestimated those baggy shorts. They could hold any weapon imaginable.

Those weren’t shorts. They were Doraemon’s magic pocket!

Li Yu suddenly lowered his head and asked me to put out my hand.

“Head pats.”

Me: ???

Li Yu:

“The people online like it!”

My hand shook as I patted his head.

Then he looked at me and pulled a little cross-shaped component from his pocket.

“I found this on my way up. It’s pretty. You can have it!”

My eyes lit up. This was… a propeller assembly!