Chapter 5
“She sent someone today to say it was a matter of life and death, an emergency that couldn’t wait. That’s the only reason I went,” Xie Shi’an began explaining the instant we entered the carriage.
“Last time, you said you wouldn’t see her again,” I replied evenly.
He fell silent for a moment and lowered his eyes. “I’m sorry. I was wrong.”
I closed my eyes without answering and leaned against the carriage wall. The carriage swayed on in silence.
When had we become like this, I wondered vaguely—sitting face-to-face with nothing left to say?
“Sleep in the study.” Leaving those words behind, I returned to my room and shut him out.
I needed time to calm down.
Two days later, Xie Shi’an finally lost patience. He came knocking at night with Dumpling in his arms. “Ah Jin, open the door. Dumpling misses you.”
“No.”
“Then Dumpling and I will wait out here until you do.”
I opened the door with a stony expression and gathered Dumpling into my arms. The obedient puppy nuzzled my chin.
As I tried to close the door, Xie Shi’an braced a hand against it and squeezed inside. He drew me into his arms and asked helplessly, “Ah Jin, do I truly rank below Dumpling now?”
His wounded expression left me in a daze.
He had always felt terribly insecure about me.
No matter whom I spent time with, man or woman, he secretly weighed his place in my heart against theirs.
If he thought I cared too much for someone, he would brood for days.
I studied him closely. In some ways he had changed, yet in others he had not changed at all.
In the end, my heart softened, and I let him stay.
After that confrontation, Xie Shi’an treated me more attentively than ever. Rare treasures flowed into my courtyard in an endless stream.
He canceled every social engagement and took me on excursions whenever the court was in recess.
Whenever I attended the ladies’ gatherings, everyone spoke of it with unconcealed envy.
Then came the empress’s autumn banquet.
Lin Yuzhi fell into the water, and Xie Shi’an was the first to leap in and pull her out.
By the time I hurried over, our host had already taken him away to change clothes. Only Lin Yuzhi remained.
Tears shone in her eyes, but triumph lit every line of her face. “You saw that, didn’t you, Madam Xie? Shi’an is not indifferent to me.”
“He fell for me long ago. He only remembers what he owes you and can’t bear to hurt you!”
“I’m younger than you, prettier than you, and from a better family. Your only advantage was luck—you met him before I did!”
“You can’t even bear him a child. You can’t give him a complete family! The fact that he hasn’t cast you aside already shows extraordinary kindness. How can you shamelessly keep him all to yourself and refuse to let him take even one concubine?”
“But it hardly matters. He rescued me before everyone today, so there was intimate physical contact between us. For the sake of both the Xie and Lin families’ reputations, Her Majesty will surely grant us a marriage.”
My lips twisted in mockery. “This is the first time I’ve seen a nobleman’s daughter so eager to become another man’s concubine.”
“If his heart can stray to you today, it can stray to someone else tomorrow.”
“I would throw away such a fickle man like a worn-out shoe, yet you treasure him. How laughable.”