Chapter 4

Memories had a way of leaving one adrift.

Claiming that I felt unwell, I left the hunt early.

When Xie Shi’an returned to the estate, I was wiping down my bow.

I had once been able to pierce a willow leaf from a hundred paces away. Then my right hand was injured, and I could never draw a bow again.

Xie Shi’an hurried over and took my hand. “Ah Jin, I heard you weren’t feeling well. Why haven’t you gone to rest?”

I pulled free, carefully finished cleaning my bow, and hung it back on the wall.

Only then did I look up at him. “Do you remember how my right hand was injured?”

Xie Shi’an lowered his eyes. “In the thirty-second year of Qianyuan, you disguised yourself as an ordinary merchant to deliver a secret letter for His Majesty—then the Ninth Prince—to his fief. Assassins attacked you on the road. You were captured and tortured for information. When you refused to talk, they severed the tendons in your right hand.”

I nodded. Only one part was wrong: I had not done it for the Ninth Prince.

I had done it because Xie Shi’an had pledged himself to the prince’s cause.

I had done it for him.

When I was rescued, Xie Shi’an held me as if he wished he could have suffered in my place.

With reddened eyes, he comforted me. “It doesn’t matter if you can no longer draw a bow. From now on, I’ll protect you. If anyone ever dares loose an arrow at you, I’ll cut off both his hands.”

The past had vanished like smoke.

I slowly let out a weary breath. “Shi’an, stop seeing Lin Third.”

Xie Shi’an looked startled. “Why?”

I gave him a half smile. “Don’t tell me you can’t see that she’s a woman.”

After a moment of silence, he laughed helplessly. “Are you jealous? I’m acquainted with her elder brother, and he asked me to look after her. At first I truly didn’t realize she was a woman. There is nothing improper between us. It isn’t what you think…”

I merely watched him without speaking.

Xie Shi’an smiled in resignation and ruffled my hair. “Fine. My wife comes first. Whatever you say.”

In front of me, he returned Lin Third’s calling card and wrote to her elder brother explaining the situation.

He cut back on his social engagements and came home every day to keep me company.

But the ancient world offered little in the way of entertainment.

He no longer told me much about affairs at court.

Confined to this small corner of the world, I had nothing to share with him either.

And so we read separately, or wandered through the garden, exchanging an occasional remark.

Once, we could hardly bear to spend a day apart. Now our time together felt like a duty.

It had also been a long while since we shared a bed as husband and wife.

After nightfall, two bodies long familiar with every inch of each other could muster little passion. We could only feign tenderness and fall asleep beside each other.

Then one day, Xie Shi’an brought home a puppy.

It was a soft white ball of fur scarcely larger than my palm.

My heart melted at the sight. I named him Dumpling.

“You’re always so bored, so I brought you a little creature to keep you busy. Perhaps now you won’t spend every day looking for faults in your husband,” Xie Shi’an teased with a smile.

Thanks to Dumpling, the two of us finally had more to say to each other.

I thought this must be what people in the modern world called the seven-year itch.

I did not blame him. It was only human nature. Tapping the table in thought, I decided that if he could change for me, perhaps I should give something in return—bring a little excitement back into our lives, for example.

On his birthday, I arranged for us to take a pleasure boat and prepared a small surprise for him.

I rose early to dress, slipped into the special garments I had commissioned beneath my outer robes, carefully painted my brows and lips, then boarded the boat carrying pastries I had made myself.

But Xie Shi’an never came. An urgent matter had arisen, he said, and the attendant sent to inform me repeated his apologies again and again.

I waved him away. Though disappointed, I had no intention of making an unreasonable scene.

On the way home, my carriage passed Tianxiang Restaurant. I was hungry, and remembering how much Xie Shi’an liked its roast squab, I alighted to have one packed for him.

As I was a regular customer, the waiter greeted me warmly. “Madam, Lord Xie is in the first Heaven-class private room. This way, please.”

Xie Shi’an… was here?

I paused, a hundred thoughts turning in my mind, but merely said, “My lord is here on official business. There’s no need to disturb him. I’ll take the room next door.”

I had barely sat down when Xie Shi’an’s cool voice carried through the wall. “This is your matter of life and death? Your emergency that couldn’t wait?”

Lin Third’s indignant voice came next. “Shi’an, why do you keep avoiding me?”

“There must be propriety between men and women. To avoid even the appearance of impropriety, Miss Lin, you must stop pestering me!” Furniture scraped across the floor. It sounded as though Xie Shi’an had risen to leave.

Fabric rustled.

“Let go!” Xie Shi’an snapped angrily.

“I won’t! I’m going to hold on to you. Push me away if you dare!” Lin Third’s voice broke with tears. “Xie Shi’an, you clearly have feelings for me. Why won’t you face your own heart?”

“I don’t care about status. I can be your friend, a maid, a concubine, a kept woman—anything, as long as you let me stay by your side. But please, don’t ignore me…”

“Enough!” Xie Shi’an said sharply. “If you continue this nonsense, I won’t be gentle.”

“Xie Shi’an, you coward! Look me in the eyes and tell me you have never once felt anything for me!”

After a long silence, I heard Xie Shi’an sigh. “Yuzhi, you remind me of her when she was young—the same brilliance and bold spirit, the same dazzling talent. Unfortunately, I am not the right man for you.”

“I say you are, so you are!”

Furniture shifted again. Clothes rustled.

I opened my door just as Xie Shi’an emerged from the room. His robes were disheveled, and a smudge of rouge stained the corner of his mouth.

He looked up and saw me. His face went white. He stepped forward, seized my hand, and tried to explain.

I waved him off, suddenly exhausted. “We can talk at home. Don’t make a spectacle for outsiders.”

Lin Yuzhi’s gaze snapped to me, her eyes filled with jealousy and resentment.