Chapter 3
After the wedding, the court issued new orders.
I went with Lu Yan to the frontier.
The long journey by boat and carriage exhausted my body, but my spirits were good.
Lu Yan rode alongside us. Again and again, he would drift toward the carriage to look at me.
His fellow officers exchanged smiles and teased him.
“You’re newly married, Brother Lu. Go and keep your wife company. I’ll lead your horse.”
Lu Yan needed no second invitation. He climbed into the carriage.
Along the way, he held my hands to warm them and told me stories of army life to keep me entertained.
When we reached the frontier, the first thing he did was brew a medicinal tonic and feed it to me.
Then he crouched down and pressed his cheek into my palm.
His voice was tender.
“Why are you still so cold? I’ll find another physician to examine you.”
His cheek tickled my hand. I could not help smiling.
“It’s all right. I feel much better than I used to.”
Perhaps it was because my state of mind had changed.
I was no longer frightened and anxious all the time. Even with plain clothes and simple meals,
I truly felt healthier, and stronger, than before.
Still, Lu Yan carefully tucked a hand warmer into my hands and patiently reminded me to take my medicine on time.
I gave him a gentle push.
“All right, I know. Husband, aren’t you supposed to report to camp? If you don’t get ready, you’ll be late.”
Lu Yan touched my cheek with his palm.
“It’s all right. I don’t have to report today. My superior was suddenly transferred. Someone new is taking charge of us.”
“He’s coming from the capital and won’t arrive until tomorrow, so they’ve given us another day.”
He thought for a moment, then said,
“His surname is Pei, apparently. Very powerful connections. I think he’s even related to the imperial family. Someone heard his attendants call him the heir.”
When I remained silent, Lu Yan reassured me.
“Don’t worry. Noble sons come to camp all the time. They’re here to collect military honors, but they don’t usually go out of their way to make trouble for us.”
The capital. The surname Pei. Imperial relations?
I forced a smile, but could not help asking,
“This Lord Pei you mentioned—”
“Is his name Pei Xuan?”
“I think so. How did you know?”
“There’s only one Lord Pei in the capital. As a maid in the Lin household, of course I’ve heard of him.”
Father had considered my marriage a disgrace.
He registered me as the steward’s daughter and married me off as the young lady’s personal maid.
The wedding had been so hasty that only the people of the Lin household knew.
No. Perhaps the Pei family knew, too.
When my false identity first came to light, the Peis had wanted to cancel the betrothal.
Pei Xuan stopped them. Only that had preserved the match.
But his family looked down on me and kept finding ways to end it.
Eight out of ten of those repudiation letters had actually been sent by his parents.
When Pei Xuan found out, he would send servants to retrieve them and keep the engagement intact.
Because of that, I had always believed he cared about me.
Without love, opposing his parents again and again would have been too difficult.
Until one day, when the servants withheld my food.
I was so hungry that my vision blurred. I slipped out of the house.
And happened to hear Pei Xuan laughing with a friend.
His friend asked,
“You have eyes everywhere. You could retrieve the letter the moment it leaves your house. Why insist on having it delivered and frightening Miss Lin?”
Pei Xuan was playing a board game. He did not even look up.
“Haven’t you noticed how much more obedient Lin Shunian has become?”
“She doesn’t wear those bright dresses anymore. No heavy makeup to draw attention. She barely speaks to the other noble sons in the capital now.”
“At last she knows her place. She’s so far beneath us that no one but me would let her aspire to a match.”
His friend could not help warning him,
“Miss Lin is sensitive. Discovering the truth about her birth already hurt her badly. If you keep frightening her now, something will go wrong. Don’t scare her into really breaking off the engagement.”
“What could go wrong? She’s been pampered since childhood. She can’t endure hardship. She’ll do anything to please me if it gets her out of that woodshed.”
“Besides, I said I’d take her. I never said as my wife. She can always be my concubine.”
As though struck by a thought, Pei Xuan suddenly smiled.
“You’re right about one thing. Now that she’s lost her standing, all she has left is that marriage contract.”
“She has no one to rely on in the Lin household, and she’s always overthinking things. Every time I send a letter, she gets so frightened she falls ill.”
His gaze turned flippant, his voice suggestive.
“But you know the saying—a woman looks her loveliest in mourning white.”
“Lin Shunian is so beautiful that even when illness makes her pale and thin, she has a charm all her own.”
“Whenever she comes to beg me, I get so worked up I can’t help watching her for ages.”
I did not know how I left.
Only that afterward I sat in the woodshed, staring at nothing for a very long time.
Later, my lady came to speak of another marriage.
Part of it was her lingering affection for the daughter she had raised. Part of it was the Pei family’s secret prompting.
While Pei Xuan was away, everyone hurried to marry me off.
I had never imagined I could meet him again here, so far away on the frontier.
Fortunately, the Peis would probably keep the truth from him to avoid trouble.
As long as I never met him here, as long as I did not reveal who I was,
he would collect his military honors and return to the capital.
With a thousand miles between us, I would never have anything to do with him again.