Chapter 4

Five years after moving into the eastern residence,

I could not have lived more comfortably.

I controlled the household accounts, so even though the master never visited my courtyard, every servant in the estate treated me with the utmost respect. Not one dared slight me.

My parents-in-law knew that Zhou Ziyuan had wronged me.

They also felt guilty toward my parents. Out of pity for me, they never made things difficult or found fault with me.

At every banquet, they praised their obedient, dutiful daughter-in-law before the other ladies. In this way, I gained a reputation throughout the capital as a woman of exceptional virtue.

Beyond that—

my son was so intelligent that at seven, he was chosen as a study companion for the crown prince.

My little daughter was gentle and well behaved. Before the age of six, she had already begun mastering the zither, chess, calligraphy, and painting.

So long as I raised them with care, both would secure bright futures for themselves.

As for me, apart from managing the estate, I spent my days strolling leisurely through my courtyard. My life was extraordinarily peaceful. Whenever the mood took me, I invited the ladies of families friendly with mine to visit the eastern residence. I never felt lonely in the slightest.

Song Qianqian, meanwhile, became pregnant during my first year in the eastern residence.

When the physician first diagnosed her, she came to show off in my courtyard, thrusting out a belly that had not yet begun to show. “Anyone can give birth. But anyone with eyes can see whose child will receive more love from their father.”

She was very happy then.

I was happy for her as well.

After all, in fewer than eight months, I would gain another son or daughter born to a concubine.

She conceived her second child while she was still in confinement after the first birth.

Zhou Ziyuan was, after all, a vigorous young man. He had restrained himself for months because of the pregnancy, and mindful of his vow to love only one woman for life, he could not seek another elsewhere.

So once Song Qianqian gave birth, naturally he could endure no longer.

Before her month of confinement had even ended, she was pregnant with her second child.

The baby was born prematurely, damaging her health, and it was another girl.

At the time, whispers spread throughout the estate that she could not bear a son. Song Qianqian had lived in the Zhou household for two years by then. The brilliant light that had once filled her eyes was gone, as was all her talk of everyone being equal.

She was healthy, and Zhou Ziyuan loved her.

As expected, in the third year, she conceived a third time.

Another daughter.

The gossip in the estate grew louder. Everyone said she lacked the fortune to bear a son. In her fury, she smashed several ornaments in her rooms. Thus, when Song Qianqian became pregnant for the fourth time, she did not immediately come to boast before me as she had before.

Instead, she waited until the child’s sex could be discerned. Only after learning it was a boy did she parade her swollen belly before me. “In ancient times, a son has to inherit the family estate. My son is obviously the rightful choice.”

Pride had returned to her eyes,

as though bearing a son were some magnificent achievement.

Yet when her first daughter was born, she had said, “There’s no difference between sons and daughters. If anything, I’ll cherish a daughter more.”

Mm. She had lied.

Her fourth child was indeed a boy, but she nearly bled to death delivering him.

Like me, she suffered a difficult labor. After three days and three nights, the child still would not come. My parents-in-law naturally felt little affection for an orphan with no family of her own. Nothing under heaven mattered more to them than their grandson of their own blood, so they instructed the midwife early on that if anything went wrong, the child must be saved.

She nearly lost her life. Hearing my parents-in-law say such a thing left her utterly despairing. Had the finest ginseng not been used to sustain her, she might not have survived.

Only after a tremendous ordeal did she finally deliver the child.

For a woman, giving birth always meant stepping one foot through the gates of death.

She had borne child after child, conceiving again before her depleted body could recover. It was dangerous in the extreme.

There had been other loving couples in the imperial capital who refused to take concubines. Yet with parents-in-law watching, the wife bore a child year after year. Her health weakened until she finally died on the birthing bed.

The world merely praised such a wife as virtuous and worthy, a woman who had sacrificed her life to bear children for her husband’s family. No one thought her life too high a price for a child.

The world had been this way for a thousand generations.

People would praise the dead wife for a few days. Then, within months, her parents-in-law would declare that a household could not remain without a proper mistress. They would send betrothal gifts to another family of equal standing and find their son a new principal wife.

The original wife would become a mound of yellow earth.

No one would remember her again.

If she happened to be mentioned, people would offer a single remark about her virtue.

Whether the sacrifice had been worthwhile did not matter.

Song Qianqian finally seemed to understand fear. Behind everyone’s back, she tried to obtain contraceptive medicine from outside the estate. But medicine was always tightly controlled in our household, especially anything affecting a woman’s fertility.

When my parents-in-law learned of it, her mother-in-law slapped her across the face.

She was also sentenced to kneel in the ancestral hall for a full day and night.

Her offense was refusing, in her position as a concubine, to continue her husband’s line.

Even though she had already borne four children.

It was not enough. Not nearly enough.

A great household could raise any number of children.

She had borne only four.

Thus, in the fifth year, when the physician felt Song Qianqian’s pulse and announced her fifth pregnancy, she broke down completely. Her face had lost its former freshness and charm.

In its place was an exhaustion wrought by too many births, a haggardness from which she could never seem to recover.

“Do I have to give birth to this child?” Song Qianqian stared at me. Perhaps the agony of her last labor was still vivid in her mind, for there was no joy in her eyes—only terror.

I glanced at the three children on her bed.

They were plump and healthy, babbling and fussing without pause. No matter how their wet nurses coaxed them, they would not settle down. The room was unbearably noisy.

As for why there were only three,

her third child had been born weak and died before half a month had passed.

There were only five children in the household now.

I told her, “It is our duty as wives and concubines to provide our husband with many heirs.”

“But I already have three children! The last birth damaged my health. The physician said that if I keep giving birth, I could die!”

Song Qianqian could not stop herself from shouting at me.

Before I could answer,

my mother-in-law frowned and struck her cane hard against the floor, her face stern. “You bewitched my son into promising you one woman for one lifetime. In that case, the duty of continuing the Zhou family line naturally falls to you alone. They are only children. Why can you not bear a few?”

In great aristocratic clans, the master of a household kept many wives and concubines. Unless something was physically wrong with him, he would normally father at least a dozen children.

Song Qianqian had demanded a promise of one woman for one lifetime.

Naturally, that left her to bear the remaining dozen or more all by herself.

“Mother, I’ve already given birth four times. If I keep doing this, I’ll ruin my health.” Though Song Qianqian was unlike other women, she still had to endure her mother-in-law’s rebuke.

Filial duty could crush a person to death.

And Zhou Ziyuan was a man who placed enormous importance on filial duty.

He immediately agreed. “You’ll be fine, Qianqian. What woman in this world does not give birth? I refuse to take other wives or concubines for your sake, but you must make some sacrifices to put my parents’ minds at ease.”

No matter how much he adored her,

Zhou Ziyuan had been taught from childhood that a man took wives and concubines to continue the ancestral line. Naturally, the more children the better; a dozen or more was only normal.

They echoed one another from every side.

Song Qianqian’s face grew uglier by the moment. At last, she let out a bitter, self-mocking laugh.

“What, am I nothing but a baby-making machine?”

I could not quite understand the phrase,

but from her expression, I could more or less guess what she meant.

I looked at Song Qianqian and smiled gently. “But this is the life you chose. Now you must endure it.”

She had demanded her precious one man and one woman for one lifetime.

Bound by custom, Zhou Ziyuan had faced tremendous pressure to grant her that promise. She could not refuse the price that came with it.

Otherwise, Zhou Ziyuan could simply find other women to bear his children.

But she would not permit that, so she had no choice but to do it herself.

Everything came down to the choices one made.

I summoned the wet nurses to carry away the babies on the bed, then sat beside Song Qianqian and gently took her hand.

In front of my parents-in-law,

no matter how much Song Qianqian disliked me, she could hardly fling my hand away.

I leaned closer with a soft laugh, my voice perfectly sincere. “Don’t worry. No matter how many you bear, the Zhou family can afford to raise them. Even if the family ran out of money, these children would still have to call me Mother. I would spend my own dowry to see every one of them safely raised to adulthood.”

When I finished, Song Qianqian’s expression became even more dreadful.

She looked at me as though she wanted to swallow me alive.

“Our Yueniang truly understands propriety and the larger good. She knows that producing heirs is the most important duty of all. Qianqian, you ought to learn from her.”

My mother-in-law had never liked Song Qianqian. Delighted by my words, she could not resist making the comparison even more pointed.

I was not the one suffering through pregnancy now,

yet I still received all the praise and pleased my parents-in-law. I was delighted.

Someone else was not quite so happy.

I said nothing more to Song Qianqian. I had a banquet that day and had invited many ladies. It would be a lively affair, and I could not arrive late.

As usual, I summoned a physician and carefully instructed him on preserving her pregnancy. Then I dealt with several other household matters before going to preside over the banquet.

Night had fallen by the time I saw all my guests out.

Only then did a servant rush over to find me.

Song Qianqian was missing.