Chapter 3

To keep Zhou Ziyuan from changing his mind,

I had the maids and manservants begin packing first thing in the morning. Every trunk belonging to me and my two children was moved into the eastern residence.

I threw myself into the work and did not rest all day.

It was the hottest stretch of summer.

A fine sheen of sweat covered my skin, so I sat beneath the pavilion and dabbed my cheeks with a handkerchief.

Who would have thought that the instant my handkerchief touched the corner of my eye, Song Qianqian would arrive surrounded by a crowd of maids and attendants? Her very first words dripped with mockery.

“You and Ziyuan were pushed into a blind arranged marriage. There was never much affection between you, so I can hardly be accused of ruining your marriage. He is letting you keep your position as principal wife. As long as you don’t stir up trouble, I won’t make trouble for you either.”

Her eyes were full of pride. She regarded me with the same pity she had shown when we first met, as though I were the most wretched woman alive.

She appeared to have forgotten that, even now, she held no status whatsoever in this household.

She had already shared the master’s bed without any title at all.

Behind her, the maids and matrons lowered their heads. They traded glances in twos and threes, and the contempt in their eyes was plain to see.

The master of the household might favor her,

but she had come without matchmaker or betrothal gifts and was already parading her triumph before the mistress of the house.

Put less politely, she was a petty creature drunk on sudden success.

I did not dispute her claim that Zhou Ziyuan and I shared no deep affection. If our bond had truly been deep, he would never have made such an unreasonable demand of me.

But I could never agree that ours had been a blind marriage between strangers.

Our two families had always been close. Before either of us had left the cradle, our parents had arranged our betrothal.

There were countless rules governing the separation of unmarried men and women.

We seldom had the chance to meet before the wedding. Yet because our families were so close—perhaps because our parents wanted affection to grow between us—the households visited one another often.

Zhou Ziyuan and I could therefore be called childhood sweethearts.

From the time I was old enough to remember, I knew he would one day be my husband. Whenever I saw him, I felt an added thrill of joy and anticipation.

After all, he was the man with whom I was meant to spend my life.

He had never shown the slightest dissatisfaction. On our wedding night, he even promised to treasure me as his most precious jewel for the rest of our lives.

For three years after our marriage, we had lived in harmony.

I conceived less than two months after the wedding. Following Mother’s advice, I promptly began choosing a concubine for Zhou Ziyuan from among the maids who had accompanied my dowry.

A woman from my own household would have given me greater peace of mind once she became his concubine.

But he refused.

He was adamant, saying that for the time being, he had no interest in any other woman.

Aside from bearing two children in succession and weakening my health somewhat, I had lived comfortably these three years.

It was not, by any measure, a blind marriage between strangers.

Since I had secured the eastern residence the night before, I had no wish to quarrel with her. I merely continued dabbing the sweat from the corners of my eyes.

“He Jinyue, you’re a tragic woman born in ancient times. You cling to feudal rules and marry a man you don’t love. Since that’s the life you chose, I’ll have to ask you not to interfere in the love between Ziyuan and me.”

She rambled on, using words I could not understand.

Was it tragic

for a woman to abide by proper decorum?

In this world, everyone had some cause for sorrow.

I had already been extraordinarily fortunate. My father was an official, so I had grown up dressed in silk and fed on delicacies, cherished within the women’s quarters. My mother planned tirelessly for my sake and never allowed anyone to mistreat me.

I had married a husband whose official career prospered, and I had a bright son and daughter.

Whether one considered the friendship between our families or the gains and losses of official politics, my natal family and the Zhou clan would always be bound together.

As long as I committed no fault,

the Zhou family could never mistreat me.

To do so would be to slap my parents in the face. If the relationship between our families soured, the consequences would be immense.

So, for a woman,

I was already fortunate enough in this age.

How could my life be called tragic?

True misfortune often began with wanting far more than one ought.

I glanced again at my son and daughter, who sat obediently beside me eating pastries. When they noticed me watching them, they lifted their heads and gave me sweet smiles.

I remembered the brutal labor in which I had nearly bled to death giving birth to them.

My heart swelled with tenderness.

And with fear.

If I were allowed one wish, it would be never to conceive again.

But as a wife,

producing heirs for my husband’s family was my foremost duty.

I could not refuse my husband’s advances, nor could I secretly drink a contraceptive decoction to avoid another child.

I had previously consulted a physician. He said that my body had recovered extremely well. Despite my difficult labor, I had regained my health, and once marital relations resumed, I was very likely to conceive.

If I conceived, I would have to give birth.

Even if I died on the birthing bed.

Since ancient times, childbirth had meant setting one foot inside the gates of death. Even a princess of the imperial house, guarded by dozens of imperial physicians, had lost her life to a difficult labor.

That was how terrifying childbirth could be for a woman.

But I did not want to die.

Therefore, even if Song Qianqian had never appeared, I had long since resolved to arrange two concubines for Zhou Ziyuan and let them share that burden. Even if they bore him sons and daughters, I would treat those children as my own.

The sons of concubines could acknowledge no mother but me.

The laws of the realm ensured that any such son who wanted to accomplish something in life would have to support me. A charge of being unfilial would be enough to destroy his entire official career.

Daughters born of concubines could one day bring immeasurable benefit to the clan through marriage alliances. That would benefit me as well.

They all deserved to be treated properly.

I looked at the two children beside me. Both had been clever from an early age, and their position could never be shaken.

So I smiled at Song Qianqian.

“In that case, may you and my husband be blessed with a house full of children.”

It was my sincerest wish.