Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Before the Lantern Festival, Cui Ning rushed back to Gusu.

He returned because Shimo had failed to accomplish a single thing he had been tasked with.

First, that zither-which wasn’t worth even thirty-three taels-had been bought by some fool who treated it like a precious treasure.

Second, the most skilled zither master in Gusu, Aunt Mei, who had previously taught him, had been hired away by someone else for an entire year.

As for the letters he wrote to his mother asking about Xiaoyu, his mother was always vague, merely saying that Xiaoyu was doing well and that he didn’t need to worry.

Cui Ning felt an inexplicable sense of panic.

Shimo stammered as he explained that both the zither and the zither master were now at the Shen family home.

“The Shen family?”

Cui Ning had a vague recollection of them. Years ago, during an epidemic, he had teamed up with several other merchants to drive the prices of medicinal herbs sky-high, making a fortune. Only the Shen Family Pharmacy had refused to raise their prices.

They didn’t know how to make money when the opportunity arose; they were fools.

That was why he hadn’t taken it to heart when Xiaoyu came to threaten him that day, saying the Shen family had come to propose to her.

Looking at it now, the Shen family had bought the zither and hired the master most likely to win Xiaoyu’s favor.

It didn’t matter. At worst, he would just buy the zither back from the Shen family for three hundred taels and then go back to coax Xiaoyu.

A heavy snowstorm was raging outside when Cui Ning braved the weather to pay a visit.

I was sitting with a blanket over my knees, holding a hand warmer as I looked over the zither scores Shen Qinghe had transcribed for me.

Shen Qinghe was flipping through ancient texts, finely grinding almonds as he prepared to make a jar of Almond Paste to nourish my hands.

A pot of warming jujube soup simmered on a small stove, with dried chestnuts and orange peels arranged beside it. The entire room was filled with a warm, sweet fragrance.

Fearing that reading for too long would strain my eyes, Shen Qinghe racked his brain to think of a few mischievous jokes to distract me.

Separated by a curtain, Cui Ning did not recognize me, nor did he know my relationship with Shen Qinghe. He simply bowed with his hands clasped.

“…Could I ask you and Young Master Shen to part with your treasures? Please let me have the zither and the teacher for my fiancée.

“That zither is a memento left by my mother-in-law. I am willing to compensate you both with one hundred taels of silver.”

Shen Qinghe and I were laughing together when I heard the commotion. I lifted the curtain and looked up at him.

The snow fell steadily. The moment our eyes met, Cui Ning was dazed for a second. He even narrowed his eyes to look at me more closely.

He seemed unable to reconcile the person before him-wearing a brand-new dress, hair neatly styled with a bright velvet flower at the temple, smiling brightly-with the Zhao Xiaoyu in his memory, who was always cowering and stuttering.

He froze, his eyes filled with disbelief. His face chilled as he demanded sharply, “Xiaoyu? Why are you here?”

Seeing Cui Ning, the smile on my face froze. I instinctively grabbed Shen Qinghe’s sleeve and hid behind him.

Seeing that I was afraid of him, Cui Ning’s gaze faltered. The rest of his interrogation died on his lips.

I watched Cui Ning warily and spoke up with hesitation.

“…Are you here to demand I pay you back?”

Cui Ning quickly softened his expression.

“…No. I heard the Shen family bought your mother’s zither, so I wanted to buy it to give to you.”

His eyes were full of sincerity.

But I didn’t dare believe him.

I was afraid that in the next moment, he would pull out his ledger and record this favor as another debt to hang over my head day and night.

“There’s no need. My husband has already bought my mother’s zither for me.

“As for the food and clothing I used at the Cui family, I will pay you back as soon as possible.”

The word “husband” stung Cui Ning. He took an urgent step forward to explain.

“I don’t want your money! How could I truly want your money?

“Those accounts I kept before… I only did that to scare you, because I was afraid you’d cling to the Cui family and insist on marrying no one but me…”

Before he could finish, Cui Ning himself froze.

That’s right. You were afraid I would refuse to leave. Now that I’ve left and married someone else, shouldn’t you be happy?

…

Cui Ning was stunned.

He was always calm and composed, always looking down on others. Rarely was he ever this humble.

“Xiaoyu, come back with me. The Cui family has plenty of money for you to spend.

“The Shen family is poor; they can’t support you. You’ll only have a life of hardship ahead.”

He said the Shen family was poor, but since coming here…

I had enough to eat and warm clothes to wear. I even had osmanthus oil for my hair.

Only then did I realize that living a good life didn’t actually require that much money.

The wind fluttered the zither scores by the window. Cui Ning’s sharp eyes caught sight of the ledger I had started keeping when I first arrived at the Shen family. He lunged for it like a drowning man grabbing a straw.

“Is Shen Qinghe really good to you? Isn’t he keeping a ledger too?

“Xiaoyu, come with me. When we get back, I’ll burn the ledger and we’ll get married!

“I know you’re afraid of my accounting. I promise I’ll never mention it to you again, alright?”

Hearing him bring up the past, I stared straight at him. For some reason, tears began to stream down my face.

“I was the one who wanted to keep those accounts!”

Cui Ning froze, staring at me in disbelief. He couldn’t understand why I would ask Shen Qinghe to keep a ledger.

Was I stupid? Did I enjoy living in fear of owing money? Did I not like living a good life?

No. It was because happiness was too foreign-so foreign it was terrifying.

A good life had suddenly knocked on my door, but I didn’t recognize it. I didn’t dare open the door.

But I recognized pain. I was very used to pain.

Cui Ning was speechless. Only now, in hindsight, did he realize how poorly he had treated me over those three years.

Yet, he still refused to give up.

“Xiaoyu, you must still have feelings for me.

“Otherwise, why would you have saved me? Why would you have endured three years in the Cui family?”

Because my mother taught me to be a kind person.

Because I hoped that in this world, there could be a home that belonged to Zhao Xiaoyu.

But that day on the boat, you belittled me, and you belittled my mother.

You didn’t know that when she was very ill, she held me tightly in her arms, apologizing to me over and over again, saying the only thing she couldn’t bear to leave behind was me.

I suddenly thought: if Mother knew you treated me like this…

She loved me so much; she would be so heartbroken.

I didn’t want her to be sad.

“Cui Ning, no matter who was lying there that day, I would have saved them.

“If you care about the debt of saving your life, then just burn that ledger and the promissory note.”

Outside the window, the cold wind howled. Everything that needed to be said had been said.

When I broke into loud sobs, Shen Qinghe didn’t ask anything, and he didn’t say a word.

He just held me tightly in his arms, just like my mother used to, and held me for a long, long time.