Chapter 1
I had once served as an adviser to the late emperor.
When I first transmigrated here, the realm was in chaos. Warlords vied for supremacy, and conflict raged without end.
After three months of being ground down by that man-eating age, I arrived at one profound realization: the only way to survive was to be more unhinged than everyone else.
So I promptly gathered up everything I owned and offered my services to Chu Yuan, the living King of Hell whose name, according to the common folk, could stop a crying child dead in its tracks.
At the time, two armies were locked in a stalemate.
I volunteered my services, motioned for my attendant to present the map I had prepared, and drew a circle on it.
“My lord, as everyone knows, to catch bandits, one must first catch their king.
“After extensive investigation, I have determined that Prince An operates within this area.
“Prince An has feared water since childhood, and this land happens to lie in a basin. If we divert water and flood it, we can drown him. The Shu army will be left leaderless, and victory will be ours without another battle!”
Chu Yuan cut me off before I could finish painting the glorious picture.
“You circled the whole of Shu?!
“What in the world are you trying to do?
“I’m not so deranged that I’d commit an atrocity like that just to win!”
He wasn’t?
I rolled my eyes at him.
Did he have some wildly unrealistic idea of his own reputation?
Deeply wounded, Chu Yuan firmly rejected the proposal.
Unwilling to give up, I offered another suggestion.
“I have one more plan, my lord. It will harm no innocent civilians, and it will place you firmly on the moral high ground!”
Chu Yuan’s eyes brightened. He gestured for me to continue.
“We can kill the heir apparent and dump his body in Prince An’s territory!
“The Chu army is nearly twice as capable as the Shu army, yet we still haven’t taken their city. Do you know why, my lord?
“Because your reputation is ten thousand miles worse than Prince An’s. Every aristocrat and strategist with a shred of integrity would rather serve him than you!”
Just as Chu Yuan was about to lose his temper, I hurried on.
“But the situation isn’t beyond saving!
“In for a penny, in for a pound. We kill the heir apparent and leave him in Prince An’s fief.
“With a little careful manipulation, word will spread across the Central Plains that Prince An murdered his own young nephew simply to provoke you!
“Your reputation may be beyond rescue, but we can still ruin everyone else’s. Then—”
I was on the verge of letting out a villainous cackle when the clatter of falling bamboo slips dragged me back to reality.
The twelve-year-old heir apparent, who had come to report on his morning lessons, stared at me with a deathly pale face and naked horror.
Tears swiftly welled in the boy’s still-youthful eyes, though he stubbornly refused to let them fall.
“Father, are you going to kill me?”
I fell silent.
So did Chu Yuan.
Before the heir apparent could burst into tears, I hastily changed the subject.
“Ha ha ha! I was joking. Don’t take it seriously, Your Highness!
“I would never do such a thing…”
Guiltily, I looked away from him.
It took considerable effort to send him off, along with a solemn promise that I would never target him again.
The war must truly have been going badly, because Chu Yuan still hadn’t given up. He wanted to hear what other ideas I might have.
Fine, fine. If he dared to listen, did he think I wouldn’t dare to speak?
“My lord, this last plan will harm neither the common people nor the heir apparent.
“We won’t even have to pay any real price, yet we’ll be able to seize the moral high ground and pass judgment while Prince An drowns in public scandal.
“What is more, I sense that this strategy will continue to shine in ages to come—a grand design worthy of Emperor Wu and Emperor Ming above us, and certain to stun generations of descendants below!
“I call it the Ass Plan!”
I waggled my eyebrows at Chu Yuan.
“Before coming here, my lord, I already bribed every major bookshop and tavern. At a word from me—
“Shocking! Chu’s Dark and Brooding Prince Became This Way After His Cousin Prince An Did Unspeakable Things to Him…
“After Selling His Ass for N Years, the Humiliated Prince of Chu Rises Again! The Dragon King Returns to Slap His Vicious Cousin’s Face!
“My lord—”
“Cheng Ruo! Get out! I’m going to kill you!”
Chu Yuan snatched up the sword beside him and surged to his feet, slamming a palm on the table, only for an officer who had just rushed in to seize him around the waist.
“Please calm yourself, Prince Chu!
“You’re the first strategist willing to enter our camp since the uprising began. If you cut her down, our already wretched reputation will be beyond saving.
“Think of our great cause! Think of the heir apparent! The poor boy still has to take lessons from a tutor whose accent is eight hundred miles thick. We can neglect anything, but not the child’s education!”
The more the officer spoke, the more emotional he became. Tears even glimmered in his eyes.
“Oh, the poor heir apparent…”