Chapter 5

He pulled me beneath the umbrella. Once I had my balance, I put a little distance between us.

“I lent it to him. I didn’t give it away. We only have two umbrellas. How could I just hand one out?”

I thought I heard a faint huff. Rubbing my numb ears, I followed Ling Yan slowly home.

The snowy road was slippery. We had to be careful.

Somehow, his hand came to rest firmly beneath my arm.

Walking side by side through the ice and snow, our steps steady, I almost felt as though we truly shared each other’s hardships.

The thought made me laugh.

When I glanced at Ling Yan, his profile was unexpectedly gentle too.

Winter passed into spring. Our relationship thawed like a river shedding its ice. We were no longer strangers living beneath the same roof.

I was very satisfied with the way things stood. Once he rose to wealth and rank, asking him to rescue Mother should not be difficult.

Before the spring examinations, someone came to visit.

Her finely embroidered shoes, expensive dress, and radiant beauty were entirely out of place in our drab little home.

My sister could barely hide her distaste for the place. When she saw me, dusty and disheveled, relief and mockery flashed in her eyes. Then she turned to Ling Yan’s mother, who had once been so fond of her.

Taking her hand, she said, “I was ill before, Auntie. Only now have I been able to come and see you. Have you been well?”

His mother seemed overwhelmed by the attention. As she spoke of everything she had suffered in recent years, she choked up.

Su Yuyan listened absently, glancing toward the door now and then.

Ling Yan would not be home for almost another hour.

“Go and fetch Ling Yan,” she ordered me.

His mother waved me on as well. I lowered my eyes and went outside, my face numb.

She was Father’s daughter.

So was I.

Our lives had been worlds apart from the moment we were born.

How could I not envy her?

But people had their favorites, and I was not one of them. Nothing I did could change that. I had understood it long ago.

Ling Yan frowned slightly when he saw me. “What’s wrong?”

He lifted a hand as though to touch my forehead.

I moved away. “Someone’s here to see you.”

“My classes aren’t over yet.”

I stared at him. “You’ll want to see her.”

She was the one he thought of day and night, whose name he called even while unconscious from poison.

The moment their eyes met in the shabby courtyard, Su Yuyan’s eyes reddened.

Ling Yan went rigid. His voice was stiff and flat. “Why have you come?”

Startled by his coldness, Su Yuyan began to cry.

His mother glared at him. “Is that any way to speak to Yuyan?”

Su Yuyan walked toward him, explaining through her sobs. “Ling Yan, I was ill then. My parents were worried about me. They feared I wouldn’t survive if I married into your household. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to…”

Her splendid carriage had already drawn the villagers’ attention. Their eyes drifted over the fence toward our courtyard.

His mother drew Su Yuyan indoors, then gave Ling Yan a look. “Go inside and talk.”

Something shifted in his expression. He followed.

After all, the affection between childhood sweethearts could hardly be worn away by so brief a separation.

I sat in the courtyard sorting beans. His mother stood guard at the door, as though afraid I would go in and make trouble.

But this ramshackle house did little to muffle sound.

I could hear Su Yuyan weeping. A beauty’s tears were enough to soften anyone’s heart.

She explained that illness had kept her from marrying him, that she had feared becoming a burden. Now that she was well, she wished only for his bright future and asked for nothing more.

After a spell of silence, she emerged with red eyes and the hint of a smile.

She came over and handed me a letter. “From Concubine Lin. Don’t worry, little sister. She knows her place and is doing very well at home.”

I took the letter.

She bent close to my ear. “You and Ling Yan still haven’t shared a bed, have you?”

My body stiffened.

She phrased it as a question, but her tone was certain.

She gave a soft laugh. “He’s terribly particular. He has exacting standards even for brushes, ink, paper, and inkstones, much less the woman beside his pillow. Not just anything will catch his eye.”

I lowered my head and dropped the beans into the basket. I longed to tell her that people could afford to be choosy before they fell on hard times. Now he had no choice. Ling Yan knew when to bend. He used whatever he had.

But I could not act on temper. Mother was still in their hands. A moment’s satisfaction was not worth it.

Su Yuyan touched my collar. “It’s crooked, little sister. I’ll straighten it for you. Next time, remember to check yourself in a mirror. It would look rather improper if anyone saw.”

I nodded obediently. “I understand, Sister.”

Smiling, she pinched my cheek, then turned to take her leave of his mother.

Ling Yan remained inside and did not see her off. I glanced at him. In his hand was an exquisite scented sachet I had never seen before.

Like Su Yuyan, it was beautiful, delicate, and luxurious.

It looked as though it should never be touched by dust.

He gazed down at it. I did not know what he was thinking.

I went back to my room and tied the little sachet from my sewing basket to my waist. It was only a rough cloth pouch stuffed with herbs, without a single embroidered pattern. It was not particularly pretty.

It was good enough for me. I no longer intended to give it to Ling Yan.

He had been raised in luxury and could recognize a fine thing at a glance.

When he was down on his luck, he had no choice. Now that he did, there was no point in my eagerly offering something only to embarrass myself.

Besides, if Su Yuyan was willing to swallow her distaste and come all the way to the village, warning me openly and subtly to behave, Ling Yan’s misfortune could only be temporary.

The spring examinations were approaching. His chance to rise again was almost here.