Chapter 1

Ling Yan and my elder sister, the daughter of Father’s principal wife, had been betrothed as children. They grew up together, innocent childhood sweethearts.

But a fortnight before their wedding, disaster struck the Ling family, and all their property was confiscated. Fortunately, Ling Yan’s aunt, an imperial consort, pleaded for them. The emperor spared the family, young and old.

My sister visited the thatched cottage where the Lings now lived. When she returned, she cried, made a scene, and refused to eat or marry. No one in the Su household was even allowed to mention the name Ling.

Father and his wife could not bear to see her suffer. They turned their eyes on me.

My sister was radiant and proud. One glance from her was enough to send countless people rushing to lay whatever she wanted at her feet.

I was merely the result of Father mistaking one person for another when he was drunk.

I should never have been born. It was only because his principal wife valued life that Mother and I were allowed to scrape by in a secluded little courtyard.

After my sister had refused food for a day, Father deigned to enter our courtyard for the first time. He had not come to discuss anything. He had come to inform me.

“As a daughter of the Su family, you must do your part.”

His wife held my hand. Unable to bear her own daughter’s suffering, she looked at me with slightly reddened eyes. “Shuer, I have shown you kindness. Now you must help me.”

And so I was hurried into a bridal sedan.

My veil was lifted in a dilapidated thatched cottage.

The oil lamp flickered, making Ling Yan’s expression difficult to read.

The person he loved was my sister.

But the woman beneath the veil was me.

After a long time, I heard him sigh.

“It’s late. Go to bed.”

Ling Yan did not ask why I was the one who had married him.

Nor did he ask a single question about my sister.

He seemed to know everything.

By day, he taught at the village school. At night, he studied by lamplight.

His mother wept constantly, lamenting what a waste it was for a man of his talents to be reduced to this.

Every time, Ling Yan soothed her with the same composure.

His father traveled with a trading caravan and sent home a little silver now and then.

We had enough to put food on the table, but nothing to spare. Every coin had to be counted.

Before I married, Father told me to win the Ling family’s favor. He knew Ling Yan was no ordinary man and would rise to greatness one day.

He could not afford to make an enemy of the Lings.

Only if I did well would Mother be treated well in the Su household.

Ling Yan’s mother could neither wash clothes nor cook, so I took care of everything at home.

But she disliked me. She was forever saying that if my sister had married into the family, the house would be in perfect order, and Ling Yan would not be so silent and cold.

It was not that I had no wish to make him happy.

He had a head full of learning. Mine was occupied with what to cook for supper and whether it was time to pick the insects off the vegetables.

We really had nothing to talk about.

Had my sister been there, they could have discussed poetry and literature. Perhaps they would have had a great deal of fun.

I could do none of that.

From the day I was born, tucked away in a corner of the Su estate, all I had thought about was whether I could wheedle a little food from those snobbish, spiteful old servants again tomorrow.

They sought kindred souls and shared ideals. I was still trying to stay alive.

Whenever his mother found fault with me, I let it go in one ear and out the other. Anything that did not threaten my survival was hardly a problem.

Ling Yan usually stayed out of it. Only when her words became especially harsh would he set down his chopsticks.

There would be a sharp little clack.

Then his mother would fall silent.