Chapter 8
On the Mid-Autumn Festival, a Jiang spy wounded Su Chi at the army camp.
When Shen Wanrou brought me to visit him, poison from the arrow was eating into his leg. Bloody pus seeped from the wound.
The physician looked grave. “Jiang is cunning. They use poisons specially made by their own people, with effects that vary. To find an antidote, I fear we’ll need repeated trials.”
Shen Wanrou’s expression faltered at once.
She stepped back and covered her mouth and nose with her handkerchief.
Noticing Su Chi’s gaze, she affected concern. “What are you waiting for? His lordship is gravely wounded. How can you delay?”
The physician opened his mouth, then hesitated. “The camp is full of the seasoned fighters his lordship has painstakingly trained. I fear…”
Everyone exchanged looks, failing to notice me move slowly toward him.
Looking at the black, foul-smelling medicine in the bowl, I did not hesitate. I lifted it and drank it down.
My eyes were resolute. “These men are warriors who face the enemy. How can we risk their lives? My body is worthless. I’ll gladly test the medicine for the general!”
Su Chi’s already furrowed brow tightened still further.
As I swallowed bowl after bowl of nauseating medicine, even Shen Wanrou stared wide-eyed.
Every medicine carries some poison.
As the last bowl of antidote slid down my throat, a pungent, bloody taste burst in my mouth.
My body shook uncontrollably. My sight blurred.
As I was carried home unconscious, I dimly heard the physician report to Shen Wanrou. “Concubine Xuan has taken several different medicines. Their conflicting effects have thrown her body into disorder and disturbed her vital energy, causing this coma. It will take some time for her to awaken.”
Shen Wanrou visited twice while I was unconscious.
Afterward, the words I heard most often from her were, “She certainly risks everything. With her attending his lordship so diligently, I can spare time to entertain the officials from the capital for him.”
She repeatedly instructed Nanny Xu, “I still have a use for her. Don’t let her die like this.”
I did not know what use she meant.
I only felt as though my whole body had fallen into a pit of ice.
At night, warm hands closed around mine.
It was Su Chi. His burning gaze rested on me.
I forced myself toward consciousness and murmured the words I had prepared beforehand as though delirious. “Father… I don’t want to die…”
The hand holding mine seemed to stiffen for an instant.
When I woke, Su Chi was sitting beside the bed.
The face that had always been so cold now showed pity mingled with other emotions.
“We met by chance. I doubt you risked your life out of love for me. Tell me, then. What do you want?”
I had rehearsed my answer countless times. Weakly, I said, “I have no parents. In a world at war, even staying alive is too much to hope for. If there’s a chance of living, of course I’ll grasp at any straw that might save me.”
His eyes softened, just as I had hoped.
He brushed aside two strands of hair beside my cheek. “A clever woman. I like your honesty. Since you’re useful to me, I won’t make you live in fear for your life day and night.”
Su Chi kept his word.
My life in the household grew much easier.
He had never been repelled by me. Now he could hardly be called distant.
As the concubine Shen Wanrou had offered him, I naturally had to fulfill my purpose.
Red candles glowed; the bed curtains swayed softly.
At first, I struggled within myself.
Years of campaigning had made Su Chi vigorous and fierce. His demands in bed were often difficult for me to bear.
Gradually, though, the servants’ contemptuous looks became respectful.
It was something I had never known before.
No more cowering at street corners, fighting rats for scraps. No more fear of ill-intentioned thugs humiliating me. It was as though all suffering had left me behind.
I thought I ought to fight for a future of my own.
But human plans cannot rule fate.
Those comfortable days did not last long.