Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Eunuch Qiu brought me to a side hall of Weiyang Palace-the place where my father had lived as a child.

The moment my taut nerves loosened, exhaustion washed over me.

There was still a teapot and a plate of pastries on the table, with a book of miscellanies set beside them. I flipped through a couple of pages, but I had no heart to read, so I went to feel around for the chest under the bed instead. Inside were the toys my father had left behind.

When I was little, my father once brought me into the palace to pay my respects, and he had dug out that chest of toys for me. I had turned my nose up at them for being too old and refused to play with them, and he had been rather put out.

Even after fifteen or sixteen years, the memory remained as clear as yesterday, every detail vivid before my eyes.

After waiting nearly four hours, Imperial Grandfather finally finished discussing state affairs. He dismissed everyone around him and sat down first. I lifted my robes and knelt. “Please forgive my offense, Your Majesty.”

He did not seem surprised. Calmly, he asked, “What wrong have you committed?”

“Yesterday, while having tea and chatting with my great-aunt, we spoke of the White Di sending horses. She meant to test me, and I spoke out of turn for a while. I did not intend to recklessly comment on matters of court.”

“If I meant to punish you, why would I have summoned you to Hanzhang Hall?”

“Your Majesty’s refusal to pursue the matter does not mean I am without fault.”

Though my head was lowered, I could still feel his scrutinizing gaze on me. After a moment of silence, Imperial Grandfather said, “We discussed matters for so long just now that my mouth is dry.”

I knew perfectly well that when someone offered you a way down, you took it. I quickly rose to pour him water. Seeing him tiredly pinch the bridge of his brow, I went to stand behind him and kneaded the pressure points on his head.

“From what I saw of you today, your bearing, your composure, the clarity of your thoughts-each was commendable.”

“Lingyi lost her parents young. It was only thanks to Imperial Grandfather’s compassion, my great-aunt’s upbringing, and the National Preceptor’s generous instruction that I was able to grow into what I am today. I have never had any grand ambitions to begin with. My elder cousins all have busy lives of their own and cannot stay by your side to fulfill their filial duties. If I can bring you two elders some of the joy of family, then your raising me will not have been in vain.”

Imperial Grandfather’s eyes were closed, and I could not tell what he was feeling. Just as I was about to say something more to test him, he suddenly said, “Roujia is gentle and good, a standard to uphold; Lingyi bears a noble bearing and gracious countenance. Such were my expectations for you, and you have lived up to them well. If the Son of Heaven deems it so and confers a clear mandate, you are worthy of bearing it.”

My hands paused. He continued, “Back when the National Preceptor taught you, I let you choose what you wished to study. You chose nothing, and simply let him teach you the art of governing a realm. Now that you have learned it, I think you may be put to use. I want you to attend court and participate in state affairs.”

I moved around to kneel before him and bowed solemnly. “Forgive Lingyi, but I cannot obey.”

“You have the ability. Are you willing to be confined to the inner palace?”

“Serving the realm does not depend on whether one stands in the front court or the rear palace.”

Toward dusk, the wind rose and blew open a window that had not been properly shut. I got up to close it, and Imperial Grandfather said, “You are still troubled by that prophecy of a regicide.”

Only a sliver of the window remained unclosed beneath my hand. The evening sunlight struck my eyes dead on, and the glare blurred everything before me, pulling me into a moment of memory.

I remembered the day my father took his leave of Grandfather. I had stood at Grandfather’s side, looking at the complicated expressions on my parents’ faces.

At five years old, I had not understood. But now, I did.

I shut the window and returned to Imperial Grandfather’s side. “Yes and no. After seeing several lords in Hanzhang Hall today, it is clear enough how the outer court feels about my involvement in politics. If not for that prophecy, I would, of course, stand in the front court without any burden. I am not afraid of rumors. I simply do not wish to put you in a difficult position.”

His brows drew together, but before he could speak, I went on. “I know you are not afraid either. But I do not want to be the person who makes things difficult for you. That was the choice my father made back then. I understand it now, so I choose the same.”

At the mention of my father, this dignified yet loving sovereign seemed to age in an instant. He hesitated, then said nothing, only rubbed his fingers along his teacup.

I broke a pastry in half and, just as I had when I was little, handed him one piece. “From now on, I will write memorials at the Grand Princess’s estate and have someone secretly deliver them to Hanzhang Hall for you. That way, I can still realize my ambitions, the outer court can have its peace, and I will not have to rise as early as the roosters. Is that not the best of all three worlds?”

I made him laugh. The knot between his brows finally eased, and he accepted the half pastry. “You simply refuse to wake early!”

I knew he would agree, just as he had when I was a child, indulging most of my transgressions.

“The imperial physician said your teeth have not been well lately, so you can only have that half.”

Imperial Grandfather froze, then said unhappily, “Who told you that? I will dock his salary!”