Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Young Madam forced me upon the Young General, saying that since he had been willing to take me with him when he visited her back then, it was clear he valued me dearly.

I dared not presume so much. After refusing every way I could, I finally convinced Young Madam to keep everything simple and let me merely serve at the Young General’s side.

On a snowy night in early winter, the Young General read in the inner room while I sat sideways by the door, watching the charcoal fire. Neither of us spoke.

Even the sound of wind and snow tapping lightly against the window lattice seemed unusually clear.

I did not dare look at him. It had been that way ever since I was little.

I had been in the manor for eight years now. In recent years, he had often led troops out on campaign, so I saw him rarely. But in the earlier years, when he still lived with Old Madam in the South Courtyard, he and I saw each other day in and day out.

Even so, every time we met, he felt as unfamiliar to me as he had the first time.

In his eyes, I would always be no more than a cat or dog. And in my heart, he had always been like a flood beyond mountains and seas, separated from me by an unseen gulf.

As I was turning the charcoal by the door, Ruixue came back through the wind and snow after finishing his errand to report.

At first, he did not raise his head. He entered with his gaze lowered and bent his knee in salute. When he saw the hem of my skirt, he paused, as if wanting to speak but holding back.

The Young General said, “It’s no matter. She’s newly come to my rooms.”

Only then did Ruixue lift his eyes.

When he saw me, he froze for a moment, then could not help murmuring, “It’s you?”

The Young General said in an indifferent tone, “She used to be from Old Madam’s household. Her name was…”

Seeing the Young General ponder for a long while, Ruixue lowered his head again and said very softly, “It is Miss Nianfeng.”

The Young General looked at Ruixue, then at me, and smiled. “Your two names make the saying, don’t they? ‘Auspicious snow heralds a bountiful year.'”

I kept my gaze lowered and could only see Ruixue’s back.

But that year, he had walked ahead of me with his head held high, straight as green bamboo. Now, he knelt before me, eyes lowered, the veins on the back of his frostbitten hands standing out clearly.

Ruixue turned his head slightly and glanced again at the hem of my skirt, explaining on my behalf, “Miss Nianfeng’s name carries the meaning of ‘bountiful years bringing long life to the people.’ Old Madam praised it highly at the time, and word spread throughout the whole manor.”

The Young General fixed his eyes on me.

It was the first time he had ever looked at me properly. With a trace of appreciation in his gaze, he said to me, “You are a thoughtful one. Grandmother did not dote on you for nothing.”

Quietly, I rose. Quietly, I saluted. Quietly, I shook my head.

I did not know what I should say at that moment to keep myself from seeming too fawning.

But such thoughts of mine were, in this great estate, ultimately of no importance at all.

So in the end, I used fetching charcoal as an excuse and tactfully withdrew, leaving them to discuss proper business at ease.

I deliberately took a lantern, went the long way around, and finally stopped by the courtyard gate.

There stood a tall ginkgo tree. Beneath it, one could take temporary shelter from the heavy, feathery snow.

And yet, though I had clearly stood beneath the tree to avoid the snow, I could not help reaching out to catch it, curious as to just how grandly this snowfall was coming down.

I was simply so idle that I was growing restless.

While I was staring into space, a man’s figure approached from the covered walkway not far away.

I did not need to see his face clearly to recognize his voice. “Miss, you should go back inside. I have finished speaking with the Young General.”

When he came closer, those handsome, refined brows and eyes were just as they had been.

The dimple by his cheek was just as it had been too.

I did not answer him, but instead said, “This snow is truly heavy.”

Ruixue smiled faintly and stopped at the mouth of the wind, blocking most of the wind and snow for me.

“Auspicious snow heralds a bountiful year.”

The moment he said those words, for some reason, my nose stung with sudden emotion.

I could not help asking him, “Are you all going out to war again?”

Ruixue froze, then lowered his gentle eyes.

“Ask me something else, Miss.”

In that instant, I understood, and a thousand helpless feelings surged up in my heart.

I suddenly thought that this must have been how Old Madam felt all those years ago when she asked her two sons whether they truly had to lead troops into battle.

Obediently, I asked something else. “When you fight, are you afraid?”

Ruixue had not expected me to ask that, but he still thought about it with great seriousness before saying to me, “I am. But this is the only thing I can do well. My family still depends on my military pay to get by. Fortunately, our general has always been considerate toward his subordinates and is not stingy with money.”

Most ordinary soldiers did not understand the meaning of fighting campaign after campaign across the land.

They could not speak the Young General’s words about “not seeking empty fame, but fighting for peace.” Most of them fought only because of the king’s command, because of military orders, because they needed a mouthful of food.

And because they could not speak those words that dazzled the world, they had no names.

Not in the history books. Not in the praises sung by later generations.

All they had were bones no one came to collect, and parents who, when old, waited every day at the village entrance.

Looking into Ruixue’s clear eyes, I suddenly had nothing to say.

Without allowing him to refuse, I shoved the lantern in my hand into his, lifted the charcoal basket, and ran back.

I wanted to light a lamp to guide you home, but now I could do so only without name or standing.

He seemed to call my name in a hurry, but in the next instant, it scattered into the snowy night.