Chapter 4
During the two months since my return, Lu Feibai had sought private meetings with me several times. I avoided them all.
After my brother’s memorial, I owed him a kindness. I could no longer keep turning him away.
At first, I was polite and distant. But he deliberately led the conversation back to our shared past, and little by little, I began to talk more.
Then, seeming to realize I had overstepped, I stopped and became aloof again.
I wanted to speak so badly that my face reddened with the effort of holding back. Speaking felt wrong; silence felt wrong too.
He saw it all. The indulgence in his eyes did not seem feigned.
“Others see only your dignity. But I know Zhang’er is still a young girl.”
Outside the pleasure boat, misty rain blurred the green hills.
Inside, we warmed wine, added incense, and discussed antiquities beside the brazier.
After a few cups, Lu Feibai suddenly sighed.
“Zhang’er, would you believe me if I said I regretted it?”
He spoke vaguely, but the implication was clear.
I said nothing, holding my wine cup as I looked outside.
Something obtained too easily soon lost its appeal.
I meant him to know that Kong Lingzhang had pride of her own.
The hope in his eyes faded. He gave a bitter smile.
“Life is like chess. One wrong move, and the whole game is lost.”
After that, we warmed wine and watched the rain. Neither of us mentioned love again.
This was the composure I wanted: neither pursuing nor refusing him.
I would make him ache for me, until he could no longer do without me.
Lu Feibai felt guilty over my brother, and wanted to please me as well.
To show his sincerity on our visit to the Thousand Buddhas Temple, he did not ride in a sedan chair.
He climbed the path one step at a time.
“Zhang’er, the mountain path is slippery. Follow behind me.”
I glanced at Xue Yifu and hesitated.
She seemed to have learned a lesson these past few days. She bit her lip and said nothing.
Lu Feibai ignored her completely and spoke gently to me again.
“Hold on to the hem of my robe. I’ll lead you up.”
The temple’s abbot had already arranged rooms for us.
We would rest for a night, then begin the prayers tomorrow.
Among the women’s quarters, my room happened to be next to Xue Yifu’s.
Mother, whose health was poor, worried that Xue Yifu might find another excuse to cause trouble.
Xianrong offered to exchange rooms with me and separate us.
After a whole day of walking, everyone was exhausted.
We ate our vegetarian meals and went to bed early.
Sandalwood incense curled through my room. I slept deeply.
The window gave a faint creak.
Night lay low. All was still, save for the rhythmic creaking of the bed.
Around midnight, a commotion suddenly broke out outside. Someone shouted,
“Fire! Fire!”
Everyone woke, hurried into their clothes, and escaped, badly choked by smoke.
Fortunately, it was the young novices’ lodgings at the front of the temple that had caught fire. The guest rooms behind them had not yet been reached.
We sat in the hall, all rather disheveled.
Then a little maid came running in panic. “Oh no! My mistress is still inside!”
Xianrong recognized her at once: Kong Lingzhang’s maid, Huanpei.
Huanpei gasped for breath. “My lords and ladies, my mistress’s door won’t open. If anything happens to her, I won’t go on living either. Oh, please!”
At the news, Mother nearly stopped breathing. Xianrong comforted her while calling everyone to my room to help.
Both the door and windows were locked. Xianrong sent Huanpei to get the key from the abbot.
“An untitled noble girl expects everyone to wait for her? If she won’t open the door, perhaps she’s doing something shameful inside.”
Xue Yifu sneered. The others were growing impatient too.
With no other choice, Xianrong turned to the guards.
“This is an emergency. Break down the door.”
At her order, they dismantled it in moments.
A crowd poured into the narrow room.
It was plain, furnished with only a table and bed. Nothing could be hidden.
One person lay motionless beneath the quilt.
Fearing that something had happened to Kong Lingzhang, Xianrong hurried forward. “Zhang’er, are you all right?”
“Ah!”
She cried out and stumbled back two steps.
Then, as though remembering something, she rushed to stand in front of the bed. Her voice shook.
“Everyone, leave immediately.”
They did not understand, but the room was so small that those with sharp eyes had already seen.
A man was sleeping in the bed!
The crowd erupted into whispers.
Mother had already fainted under the shock.
Xianrong almost screamed, “All of you, get out!”
Having found such an opportunity, Xue Yifu would never let it pass.
“A model noblewoman? I’ve said all along that Kong Lingzhang is a slut who can’t move the moment she sees a man.”
“Everyone saw it. She’s been taking a lover in a temple. Such a heinous crime deserves drowning in a pig cage.”
“No. Zhang’er isn’t like that. Everyone knows the Kong family’s principles. She could never commit such debauchery.”
Everyone present was on good terms with the Kong family. They should have spoken in our defense.
But with the evidence before them, no one dared speak lightly.
They were all women, after all, with little authority. A wrong word might offend someone and implicate their husbands’ families.
“This is a serious matter. Fetch His Highness the crown prince.”