Chapter 3

Chapter 3

“Are you sure you don’t want it?”

I lay on the bed as the doctor pressed the cold probe against my abdomen. “You’re only one month along. In a little while, we’ll be able to see the fetal heartbeat.”

In my previous life, Jiang Shen had been with me the day I found out I was pregnant.

I had chattered nonstop.

He, on the other hand, stared at the ultrasound printout for a long time before smiling. “It’s the size of a mung bean. What can you possibly make out?”

I thought he didn’t like children. But later, lying against my stomach to listen for the baby’s heartbeat became part of his daily routine.

The ending reality had given me was so at odds with my memories.

I couldn’t convince myself that Jiang Shen had never loved me, but I also couldn’t make myself firmly believe that he did.

The doctor handed me the finished report. Just like in my previous life, it was tiny. Nothing could be seen clearly.

“If you don’t want it, go tell the doctor over there and have her write you a form for an abortion.” Before I left, she added, “Young lady, next time, remember to bring the child’s father. Pregnancy isn’t one person’s responsibility.”

I thanked the doctor and walked down the long corridor.

The afterglow of the setting sun streamed in. I stared at the report for a long time.

Suddenly, someone bumped into me, and the reports scattered all over the floor.

When I crouched down to help her pick up her things, I accidentally saw her medical record.

The doctor’s handwriting was still on it: Pregnancy is not recommended in the short term.

When I looked up again, my entire body went rigid.

It was the woman who had been with Jiang Shen.

“Thank you.”

She thanked me in a hurry. Her face was a little pale, as if she had been crying.

When she left, she didn’t even look at me.

I had read plenty of posts before.

Couples who couldn’t have children would think of every possible way, through other means, to get a child of their own.

That guess wasn’t absurd.

I didn’t know how I walked out of the hospital. When I was standing by the road, Jiang Shen called.

“Ah Yan, you’re not home.”

My voice was thick and nasal. “Yeah… I have a bit of a cold. I came to the hospital to get some medicine.”

“Where are you?”

Listening to the concern in his voice only made me feel more suffocated, as if he had wrapped me in a cocoon I couldn’t break free from, leaving me no way to escape.

I took a deep breath. “It’s fine. I’m almost home. Wait for me.”

I sat for a long time on the stone bollard downstairs from the hospital. Only when I was chilled through did I hail a cab by the roadside and go home.

In late autumn, night fell early.

When I reached the bottom of our building, I saw Jiang Shen holding a coat, waiting downstairs for me.

Beside him stood that woman.

My steps came to an abrupt halt. It felt as if a gash had been torn open in my heart and the flesh was being peeled away bit by bit.

It hurt so badly.

Jiang Shen saw me, and his expression softened. He strode over and wrapped me up in that familiar wool scarf.

“That’s my business partner, Cheng Wen.”

Maybe it was my imagination, but I smelled a woman’s cosmetics on the scarf.

Cheng Wen had just reached out her hand. “Hello, I’m-”

A wave of nausea suddenly surged up from my stomach. I dropped to my knees beside the flower bed and dry-heaved desperately.

In that moment, I wanted so badly to scream at Cheng Wen to get away, and at Jiang Shen to get away too.

Cheng Wen stood off to the side, studying me.

Jiang Shen crouched beside me, patting my back. He unscrewed a bottle of water and asked, “Still feeling sick?”

There it was again, that tenderness-the sort of meticulous care that was enough to deceive so many girls. Look into his eyes, and they were clearly filled with nothing but me.

Once I caught my breath, I suddenly yanked off the scarf roughly and shoved it back at him. “I don’t like wearing scarves.”

Jiang Shen’s hand stiffened. Then he slowly smoothed the scarf out, turned around, and crouched in front of me. “Okay. I’ll carry you upstairs.”

I really didn’t have any strength left. I slumped limply onto his back.

Jiang Shen’s steps were steady, his breath brushing against my ear.

Before, I had loved the feeling of him carrying me. Two or three years ago, I would still happily lie on his back and tell him to walk faster.

Jiang Shen would laugh and say, “Little ancestor, I can’t go fast like this. You have to say giddyup.”

Thinking back on it now, those things felt so distant. Now, all that was left was resistance.

Cheng Wen followed behind us. Several times, out of the corner of my eye, I sensed her staring at me.

That gaze made me feel as if I were an object waiting to be sold to the highest bidder.

I thought, It was time for me to leave.

The lights were on at home.

Dinner had already been laid out on the table, with a delicate little cake in the center.

Jiang Shen opened the candle package and inserted twenty-four candles into it.

“I didn’t keep you company yesterday, Ah Yan. I’ll make it up to you today.”

Because Cheng Wen was there, I couldn’t say a single word.

She sat across from me and smiled. “I heard it’s your birthday today. Can you drink?”

I shook my head.

Looking somewhat regretful, she lifted her glass and said lightly, “Happy birthday.”

All at once, I found it a little ironic.

What right did she have to come here and hypocritically wish me a happy birthday after fooling around with Jiang Shen all night?

It was like a fishbone lodged in my throat. I stood up. “I’m not feeling well. I’m going to rest.”

Looking at the untouched food covering the table, Jiang Shen pressed his lips together. “I’ll take you to the room.”

Meaning he was still going to come back out.

“No need.” I avoided his supporting hand. “I can go in by myself.”

The last sliver of light was swallowed by darkness along with the sound of the door closing.

I leaned back against the door and took a deep breath. The five years I had shared with Jiang Shen flashed before my eyes.

When I had period cramps and he ran out in the rain to buy me medicine.

When the car had fallen into the river that year, and Jiang Shen slung me over his shoulder and told me not to worry about him, just to grab the life ring.

When I had a high fever, and he carried me to three hospitals, not sleeping a wink himself the entire night…

I didn’t want to believe he could fall in love with someone else, just like back then, I couldn’t believe a person could love me with his life.

I spent three years convincing myself I was a lucky person.

Then I spent another two years tearing that belief out of my heart with my own hands.

I leaned against the door. It wasn’t soundproof, so I could hear the conversation outside.

Cheng Wen’s voice was very low, so low it was almost inaudible. “You need to think carefully about our plan going forward.”

Jiang Shen was silent for a long time. “Mm. I know.”

“Reluctant to let go?” Cheng Wen laughed softly. “It’s just this once. Things will get better after this.”