Chapter 3

Becoming an immortal did not matter. I simply wanted very much to coil around him.

Yuanzhen was unwilling at first, but under a mixture of threats and enticements, he finally agreed. His only condition was that I was not to crawl about while I was on him.

By day, I wound around his arm. At night, I nestled against his chest. We were never apart. Within a few days, Yuanzhen grew accustomed to my presence. He even carried me when he went out to hunt monsters.

With me wrapped around him, his demonic aura grew stronger, which only convinced the lesser monsters that he truly was a wicked monk.

After several days together, I discovered he was not as bad as the centipede spirit had claimed.

He merely believed monsters did not belong in the human world. Humans and monsters walked different paths; if a monster lived among humans, it would inevitably harm them.

“Have you ever considered that humans and monsters aren’t so different?” One night, I took human form, hoping he might discuss the question with me if I wore a human face.

He shoved me off him and sat bolt upright, his back to me. “Why are you wearing so little again?” he barked.

I did not understand him.

But sitting straight was tiring, so I wilted against his back and continued, “Are all humans good? Can there be no good monsters?”

“Sit up!” Yuanzhen’s body went rigid. His voice was low and urgent.

I refused.

Boneless and supple, I pressed myself to him and rubbed lightly against his back. “I came to the mortal world only to experience joy and anger, sorrow and delight. I want someone to teach me what affection is, what love is. Perhaps many monsters feel the same. Perhaps they have no wish to hurt anyone.”

He fell silent.

Only then did the obvious occur to me. “You’re a monk. Of course you have no earthly desires. No affection. No love.”

Had I come here for nothing?

“Then we’re the same.” I embraced him. I had grown addicted to touching him—to holding him as tightly as possible and feeling the heat of his body.

I clung to him as I would an ancient tree, as though I might stay wrapped around him for a thousand years. I stroked his face, leaned close to his ear, and whispered, “We’re both pitiful, Yuanzhen. Take pity on me. Hold me.”

Yuanzhen did not push me away, but neither did he answer.

His eyes were shut and his palms pressed together, the very image of an eminent monk lost in meditation.

“Aren’t you lonely?” I kissed his cheek. His skin was warm. He tried to evade me, but I had already found his weakness. I seized his hand and traced the tip of my tongue along his neck. “I’m as lonely as you are. If you’re such a holy monk, why won’t you ease my suffering?”

At last, Yuanzhen lost control. His sutras and prayers ceased; his immaculate calm deserted him. Pink flooded his face. Candle flames trembled in the meditation room, and every patch of exposed skin glowed as crimson as the evening sky.

He threw me down and pinned my shoulders beneath his broad hands. His face twisted with rage, and he glared like the King of Hell walking among the living. “Monster!”

At last, Yuanzhen looked mortal. He pressed me down, his wide sleeve sweeping across my chest, while the sandalwood scent clinging to him seeped into every part of me.

I knew he was angry. Mortals called this being furious from humiliation. Whatever kind of anger it was, it felt wonderfully real.

Why could I not feel anger?

Even with him raging above me, I did not know what emotion I should answer with.

All I could do was look at him.

I saw myself reflected in his eyes.

My robes half fallen, black hair in disarray—so clear, so vivid.

I liked myself that way. I liked him that way too.

I smiled and caressed his face. “Yuanzhen, am I a monster now?”

Yuanzhen stared at me in silence.

I continued, “I delight in having you this close to me. Does that still make me a monster?”

His hand closed violently around my throat. I thought I heard a sharp crack from my neck. He was nearly crushing it. He panted, his handsome composure close to splitting apart, and snarled, “You are a monster! A monster cannot change its nature!”

With death at my throat, I did not resist.

No tears filled my eyes. I felt none of the fierce terror humans knew. I could only gaze deep into his.

Yuanzhen abruptly let go.

He pulled my clothes back into place, piece by piece, and helped me sit. Then he squeezed his eyes shut and began to chant.

A tear slid from the corner of his eye.

I froze.

Without opening his eyes, Yuanzhen said, “From now on, I will chant for you every night and help you attain immortality.”

I stopped making trouble. I lay quietly across his lap and listened as he soothed the living and the dead in the same unchanging voice he had used for ten thousand years.

His cadence was peaceful and serene.

But I knew something deep within his chest was trembling.

Something deep within mine trembled too.

From that day on, Yuanzhen no longer tried to drive me away. He carried me everywhere. At dawn, he took me to perform the morning rites. At night, I lay in his lap and listened to him chant. Sometimes he took me monster hunting, though his methods became much gentler.

He even spared a mouse spirit.

She begged Yuanzhen to enlighten her and take her back to cultivate at his side.

The girl in gray wept so prettily, while Yuanzhen did not refuse her. I was deeply displeased.

I flicked my tongue and slid out from his robes. “Do you truly want to follow him?” I asked coldly.

The moment she saw me, the mouse spirit fled in abject terror.

I thought Yuanzhen would be angry. Instead, he tucked me back into his robes and chuckled. “Anger and infatuation are difficult to cast off.”

I was unhappy. Very unhappy. “Why didn’t you refuse her? Do you want to carry a mouse spirit on you too?”

“All living beings are equal. I could not turn her away.”

All living beings were equal? I did not like that at all.

I sank my teeth into his chest.

He pulled me out and heaved a long, helpless sigh. “Monster.”

I took the opportunity to coil around his hand. “Let’s go back. I’m sleepy.”

The ancient trees towered into the sky. Wind swept through their leaves, making them rustle as though all heaven and earth were calling out.

This was no ordinary wind.

I had never hurt or killed a human. Why was Heaven warning me?

Yuanzhen stroked my head with one finger. In the end, he said nothing and silently returned to the temple.

Yuanzhen was always busy. Chanting was his duty. Hunting monsters was his duty. Easing the emperor’s troubles was his duty too.

He took me into the palace. Human emperors were always rather strange. One secret glance told me this one was far too thin.

He was young and gaunt, his face pale. His dark brown eyes seemed forever searching for something. Yet the moment he spoke, their unfocused haze sharpened into a keen, calculating gaze rarely found in any man.

“Abbot Yuanzhen, I dreamed of those ghosts again. They cling to me! They won’t let me go! If your powers can reach the heavens, why haven’t you destroyed those evil spirits for me? What am I to do?”

“Your Majesty, please be calm… Tonight, this humble monk will remain in the hall to banish evil and pray for Your Majesty’s good fortune…”

Half asleep inside Yuanzhen’s sleeve, I caught only scraps of their conversation. Talk like this always made me drowsy. It was tedious and no fun at all.