Chapter 5
After Song Wan woke, she refused both food and drink.
My mother and aunt would not leave either. They stayed at the Duke of An’s residence.
Only the four of us knew that Song Wan had been found in a brothel and had a venereal disease.
To prevent any word from getting out,
Wang Heng even tended to her daily needs himself.
Again and again, he explained to my aunt
that Song Wan’s illness was now under control.
Unless someone did that sort of thing with her, it would not spread.
Still, my aunt dared not go near her.
Song Wan saw it all.
She wept in silence.
Even Wang Heng’s attempts to comfort her were useless.
While he was out, she tried to hang herself.
After he saved her,
she said through her tears,
“I hated the wrong person. I used to hate Song Heyue. I thought she’d stolen my life.
“But now that I know the truth,
“I don’t know who I should hate.
“Even my own mother is disgusted by me.
“It was me. I was the one who indirectly caused Song Heyue’s suffering.”
Wang Heng wept.
“I’m not disgusted by you. Song Heyue has medicine that can cure you.
“Don’t lose hope.
“Once you’re well, I’ll marry you as a wife of equal standing.”
A little light returned to Song Wan’s deadened eyes.
“Really? An equal wife… I wouldn’t dare dream of that.
“Ruined as I am, I would be content just to be your concubine.
“If I really can recover and marry you, I will spend my life repaying you.
“Tell my cousin I will never put myself above her. I’ll serve her tea and wait on her.”
After coaxing Song Wan to sleep,
Wang Heng first went to see my aunt and mother.
Only then did he come to me.
I had just lulled my daughter to sleep.
She was five, bright and clever, and so sweet that she melted my heart.
She was everything to me.
He looked at our daughter and actually said,
“Don’t try to use our daughter to soften me up and force me to give in.
“Song Heyue, I never knew you were such a vicious woman.”
How strange.
Six years of marriage.
A gifted man and a beautiful woman—a perfect couple, everyone said.
How had we come to this?
At first, I had thought her arrival was what had damaged our marriage.
Now I understood.
It wasn’t because of Song Wan.
It was simply that he had never loved me.
So he didn’t care about me.
Or about the daughter we had together.
After I had the nurse carry my daughter away, the room fell utterly quiet.
When I gave him no answer, Wang Heng scolded me sternly.
“You used to be such a good wife. Everyone in the household praised your competence and generosity.
“But look at how you’ve behaved over Ah Wan.
“Jealous and petty. Is that any way for the mistress of a household to act?
“Whatever else may be said, Ah Wan is your cousin. If you have medicine to treat her disease, why won’t you produce it?
“Why did you keep it from me? And to demand money from your mother!
“I can’t understand how you could do something so disgraceful. You’re the mistress of a duke’s household, not some peasant woman from the back streets!
“Where’s the medicine? Bring it out. Must I beg you?”
I looked at him.
“Wang Heng, from the day you brought Song Wan back, I’ve been trying to find out what ties you have to her, that you would search for her in secret for all these years.
“And why, when your parents were arranging your marriage, you rejected girls of better birth and reputation than mine and insisted on me.”
Panic flickered in his eyes.
“What nonsense are you talking? I asked you for the medicine. Why bring this up?”
I gave a cold laugh.
“You and Song Wan were childhood playmates. When she was abducted, she had gone to play with you.
“A fire-breathing performer caught your attention. You ran off and left her. That was how she was taken.
“Afterward, you were frightened and refused to admit that she’d been with you that day.
“You only married me because you thought I owed Song Wan just as you did. You thought that once you found her, I would help you make it up to her.”
Wang Heng could no longer sit still. He roared,
“What utter nonsense! Who’s been feeding you these lies?”
“No one.”
I gave a self-mocking smile.
“Your parents had the old servants who knew the truth put to death long ago. How could I have uncovered it?
“You told me yourself. After Song Wan was found, you saw the state she was in, got drunk, and told me everything.
“You cried so bitterly. You begged me to help you. That was why I took pity and let her stay in our home for two months.
“I even exhausted myself finding physicians and having medicine prepared for her.
“Now, it seems it wasn’t worth it.
“In that case, I should cut my losses and exchange worthless feelings for something worthwhile: banknotes.
“If you want me to keep quiet, bring me two hundred thousand taels.
“Otherwise, expect everyone to hear the story.”
I smiled.
“Oh, and don’t think of killing me to silence me.
“If I die, someone will immediately tell all this to your three families’ sworn enemies and the subordinates waiting to take your official posts.
“I don’t imagine any of your families can afford that disgrace—or wants its reputation destroyed.”
For a long time, he could not say a word.
He was furious, but there was nothing he could do to me.
Nine years of struggling to survive had taught me one thing.
People like them
valued appearances above all else.
And those same appearances
could become the shackles that held them.
“How did you become such a shameless rogue?”
After all that fury, it was the only sentence he managed.
I laughed until my stomach hurt.
“And what fine people are you? At least I have the courage to own what I do.
“If I were you, I’d hurry off and help them raise the money.
“Wang Heng, you have three days.”
He clenched his fists.
“Do you think I won’t repudiate you?”
I answered with contempt.
“Do you think I still want to live with you?
“Someone will come to collect the debt for what your three families have done.
“I only want to take my daughter away. I have no intention of spending the rest of my life tangled up in your families’ filth.”