chapter 2

chapter 2

In my previous life, Yun Zheng had not even lifted my bridal veil.

This time, he went further and never entered the bridal chamber at all.

My mother-in-law arrived looking mortified. “Lanyin, just you wait. Tomorrow I will teach that wretched boy a proper lesson.”

“Mother, it is all right,” I said with perfect consideration. “Brother Yun Zheng is busy with military affairs. I understand.”

She waved a hand, and the matron behind her brought forward a four-tiered food box from Fanlou. Its fragrance filled the room.

She had always treated me this well.

My mother-in-law had borne three sons. Her only daughter, who would have been about my age, died of illness before she was a hundred days old. When I was little, my own mother devoted all her attention to my sister, so my future mother-in-law often took me home. She bought me dresses and braided my hair every day, indulging her wish to raise a daughter.

Just as Yun Zheng could never love me, she had loved her thoroughly ordinary goddaughter from the beginning.

I wrestled with that mystery for more than thirty years. Only after turning fifty did I understand that love was the most unreasonable thing in the world. It could not be forced.

Eight or nine things out of ten in life would disappoint us.

Aside from a husband who did not love me, my life had been comfortable.

The General’s Residence had few people and few rules. I could make my own decisions. I had a mother-in-law who cherished me and two forthright, obedient brothers-in-law. I had already been fortunate.

After Mother left, I went to bed early.

The day had exhausted me. Never mind old bones—these young bones felt ready to fall apart.

I removed the ornaments from my hair, washed out the sticky hair oil, and scrubbed away the mask of powder. At last, I felt light again.

I lay down on the familiar carved canopy bed and put out the lamps.

Old people really did grow attached to their own beds.

Caique asked cautiously, “Madam, would you like to wait for the young master?”

I rolled over and hugged a bolster. “No. I will never wait for him again.”

In sixty years of marriage, the number of nights he had entered my room could be counted on one hand.

I woke early the next morning, ate a little breakfast, and went alone to serve tea to my parents-in-law.

The cane Mother had prepared the night before went unused.

Yun Zheng had returned to the northern frontier during the night.

It would be three years before I saw him again.

That time, he would bring home a pregnant woman who bore a slight resemblance to my sister.

Honestly, unless he mentioned it, no one would have noticed.

Beautiful women tended to resemble one another. It was the ugly ones who were distinctive.

At first, I had truly believed Yun Zheng simply preferred delicate, willow-waisted beauties and had faithfully starved himself of them for years.

My father-in-law stood beside a gentle, lovely concubine with a narrow waist and generous curves. This must have been Concubine Lin.

Mother’s face was grim, though she forced a smile for me.

Fortunately, Father spent most of his time at the frontier and kept his beauty with him, so she rarely had to endure the sight.

In another five years, his old wound would reopen and separate them forever.

Concubine Lin, whom Mother now regarded as a thorn in her side, would later become one of her favorite partners for card games.

It took Mother many years at the card table to realize that turning another woman into an enemy over a man was not worth the trouble.

After Father’s concubine, Yun Zheng’s two bedmaids came forward to serve me tea.

I gave each woman a pair of gold bracelets and raised them to the rank of concubine.

Mother had chosen both. They were honest and dutiful, and the sight of the bracelets made them knock their foreheads against the floor with particular enthusiasm.

In my previous life, they had offended my eyes. I thought they had seduced Yun Zheng, so I casually gave them two silver ingots and refused to grant them formal status.

Yun Zheng had been too busy chasing one new favorite after another. Those two quiet women wasted half their lives in the rear courtyard.

What had they done wrong?

Yun Zheng did not love me for one simple reason: he did not like me. It had nothing to do with any of these women.

Besides, what did it matter whom he claimed to love?

He said he loved my sister, but that had never stopped him from sleeping with other women.

Mother herself had once married for true love.

Father had nearly given his life to earn the military merit that won him an imperial decree allowing him to marry his beloved. When Mother gave birth to Yun Zheng’s twin brothers, she too nearly died, and Father ate no meat for three years as a prayer for her health. Yet their love had still cooled.

My elder sister was named Xie Yuanyi, a name that evoked a pair of mandarin ducks. When she was born, my parents were still deeply in love.

Five years later, they named me Xie Lanyin—an orchid beginning destined to end like drifting catkins. Even the deepest young love could sour into mutual resentment.