chapter 3
The chill of early spring still lingered. After half a day spent searching for pearls in the rain, I came down with a raging fever.
Gu Xinlan visited me once and left me with a single remark.
“Why did you insist on searching in the rain? Now look—you’ve made yourself ill.”
I was so furious that sparks seemed to dance before my eyes.
She was my mistress. If she did not tell me to stop, how could I dare stop?
If she had truly cared, one word from her would have called me inside. Yet now she stood there pretending to be kind.
I had taken all my savings to my mother a few days earlier. I did not have a single coin left for medicine.
If Lianxin had not called a physician for me, who knew how long the illness would have lasted?
Once I recovered, I returned to my duties in Gu Xinlan’s room.
She clasped my hand with concern.
“You cannot imagine how worried I was while you were ill. I prayed for you constantly. That is why you recovered so quickly.”
I rolled my eyes inwardly.
Yes, of course. She had not given me one copper coin for medicine, but now that I was well, her prayers deserved all the credit.
Gu Xinlan was both spiteful and false. I had to leave her as soon as possible.
Over the next few months, I often brought pastries to the senior maid who served Madam Gu.
She loved the pastries from Eight Treasures Bakery. A single box cost over a hundred copper coins, and every purchase made my heart ache.
But if it helped me escape Gu Xinlan, it was worth every coin.
One midsummer afternoon, Gu Xinlan insisted on walking through the garden.
She was afraid the sun would darken her skin, so I had to hold a parasol over her until my arm throbbed.
Pointing to a peony, she asked, “Huaixia, isn’t that flower beautiful?”
I glanced at it.
“The peony is rich and stately, Young Mistress. Of course it is beautiful.”
Gu Xinlan touched her coiffure and lowered her head with a smile.
“It would suit today’s jewelry rather well.”
I knew exactly what she meant.
Madam Gu had planted that peony. Gu Xinlan wanted to wear it but feared punishment if she picked it herself.
The same thing had happened in my previous life.
She was a young mistress. At worst, she would have been scolded for plucking the flower.
I was a servant. If I were caught, I would be beaten.
Even so, she had hinted until I picked it for her. Madam Gu caught me. A senior maid slapped me several times, and I lost three months of wages.
Gu Xinlan had always been like this. I hated only that I had been too blind to see her hypocrisy in my previous life.
There was no chance I would pick that flower again. I spoke plainly.
“Young Mistress, that peony belongs to Madam. You mustn’t pick it.”
Gu Xinlan’s face darkened when I failed to obediently pluck it for her.
“Who said I wanted it?”
“That’s a relief.” I gave her a guileless smile. “There are many lovely Chinese peonies over there. Would you like me to pick one of those?”
Madam Gu had not planted those. Taking one would do no harm.
Gu Xinlan was still my mistress. I did not want to provoke her so badly that she tormented me again.
Only then did a reluctant smile return to her face. After I tucked the flower into her hair, she asked,
“Is it too gaudy?”
I shook my head. “Your beauty can carry even the brightest color, Young Mistress.”
Pleased by the compliment, Gu Xinlan took my hand.
“I’ve told you that we’re sisters. Stop calling me Young Mistress. Call me Xinlan.”
As if I would ever believe that nonsense again.
In my previous life, she had forbidden me to call her Young Mistress or bow to her.
I foolishly took her at her word. The first time I called her “Xinlan,” Madam Gu happened to arrive and heard me.
Madam Gu cared deeply about propriety. She flew into a rage and ordered me dragged away for ten strokes.
Terrified, I cried and begged Gu Xinlan to explain.
She merely turned her face aside and said nothing.
After the beating left me unable to rise from bed, she came to me in tears.
“Huaixia, Madam is such a stickler for rules. If she learned that I was the one who told you to use my name, she would blame me.
“As a concubine-born daughter, my position in this family is difficult enough. You understand, don’t you?”
Only now did I see the absurdity of it. She was a proper daughter of the household, and Madam Gu had never mistreated any concubine-born child. Could her position possibly be more difficult than a servant’s?
She had spoken carelessly. When I suffered for it, she simply refused to take responsibility.
From the corner of my eye, I spotted the hem of a robe behind a nearby cluster of flowers. I immediately dropped to my knees in alarm.
“Young Mistress is my master, and I am a servant. How could I dare address you by name?”
Smiling sweetly, Gu Xinlan reached down to help me up.
“I’ve told you many times that everyone is equal. I have never seen you as a servant.”
I had to admit that Gu Xinlan’s talk of equality was very persuasive.
When a master who had always stood high above you suddenly declared you an equal and a sister, how could a servant not feel overwhelmed with gratitude and willing to die for her?
In my previous life, the word “sister” alone had been enough for Gu Xinlan to keep me dangling from her hand. I risked everything for her and finally gave my life.
Now I saw it clearly.
She wanted me to sacrifice myself for her without ever giving me anything of substance in return.
I refused to rise.
“Young Mistress is kind, but this servant would never dare violate propriety.”
Gu Xinlan was about to persuade me again when Madam Gu’s voice rang out.
She stepped from behind the flowers and looked me over.
“This maid knows her place.”
Then her gaze swept to Gu Xinlan.
“Is this what you call the conduct we taught you? If servants are your sisters, then what are the true daughters of this family?”
She frowned.
“Who taught you to demean yourself with such nonsense? Was it Concubine Liu?”
Gu Xinlan went pale. She stammered but could offer no defense.
“Mother, I—I…”
She could hardly admit that she had never meant any of it.
“Someone take the family code to Third Young Mistress’s courtyard and watch her copy it one hundred times!” Madam Gu ordered.
“She is not to leave until she finishes.”
Gu Xinlan’s face turned white.
The Gu family code filled a thick volume. Copying it a hundred times would take at least three months.
But the offending words had come from her own mouth. She could only return to her courtyard with a black expression and copy until her eyes were red each night.
Once again, she took her anger out on me. She made me stand beside her holding a candelabrum because, she claimed, it was too low for her to see the page.
My teeth ached from clenching them. My arm burned, but I did not dare lower it.
More than ever, I was determined to leave her courtyard.
My opportunity came quickly. Huaqiu, a maid serving Eldest Young Mistress, suddenly fell ill. Madam Gu decided to choose another sensible girl to take her place.
The senior maid put in a quiet word for me. Madam Gu remembered me and said,
“She understands the rules and knows when to advance or retreat. Ask if she would like the position.”
In my previous life, Eldest Young Mistress had also recognized my loyalty and asked whether I wished to join her household.
As the legitimate daughter, she was generous. Even her servants dressed far better than those in our courtyard.
But Gu Xinlan had cried and begged me to remain, saying she had always regarded me as her own younger sister.
She did not want me to leave, yet she did not want to offend Eldest Young Mistress. She made me refuse the offer myself.
Like a fool, I actually went to Eldest Young Mistress, kowtowed, and said I wished to remain with Third Young Mistress.
The other servants whispered that I did not know what was good for me. At the time, I truly believed that if Third Young Mistress saw me as her own sister, I could never abandon her.
This life was different. I wanted nothing more than to escape that walking disaster.
Gu Xinlan tried the same trick again. She held my hand, eyes reddening.
“Huaixia, my elder sister is very strict about rules. If you leave my courtyard, who will protect you?”
Sometimes I truly wondered how Gu Xinlan had the nerve to say such things.
Every hardship of my previous life, even my death, could be traced back to her.
I had always earned less than everyone else and worked more.
What had she ever protected me from?
“Go tell Madam that you want to stay in my courtyard,” she said.
Suppressing my impatience, I put on a troubled expression.
“Young Mistress, how could a servant refuse Madam?
“Besides, if I serve Eldest Young Mistress, I can report any news to you at once. I may be more useful there than I am here.”
Gu Xinlan considered this and saw the logic in it. At last, she abandoned her claims of protecting me.
“Then you must be careful in everything you do.”
She expected me to spy for her without paying me a coin. There was no bargain that good.
I spoke directly.
“Young Mistress, gathering information requires money to smooth the way. But I have received so few bonuses over the years…”
Hesitation crossed Gu Xinlan’s face. Gritting her teeth, she emptied several silver pieces from her purse, then put two of them back.
“You know my allowance is modest. This is all I have. Spend it carefully.”
I examined the silver. Altogether, it came to two taels. Satisfied, I tucked it into my robe.
At last, I had recovered my bonus.
My mother could buy medicine and properly nurse herself back to health.
“Rest assured, Young Mistress.” My smile was utterly sincere.
Rest assured. Those two taels had gone straight down the drain.