Historical

By sheer chance, I stumbled across a diary from a hundred years ago.

Its owner seemed to have been the young master of some wealthy household. Inside were little records of his daily life: “May 7, Year 14 of the Republic of China. Clear skies. I skipped class to play cards with my classmates, and my teacher chased me all the way home and scolded me. So annoying!”

I found it amusing, so I added a line beneath it: “May 2024. Been working for too long. Exhausted.”

The very next second, a sentence surfaced on the diary page: “Who are you?”

A bloody, brutal murder had shaken the city.

The prostitute Yuanyang was found dead and naked on her embroidered bed, her body slashed again and again, drenched in blood.

The authorities proved utterly useless at catching the killer. They could not find so much as a single suspect.

Just as rumors were flying everywhere, a young victim came to my stall.

With the only five copper coins she had, she begged me to find Yuanyang’s murderer.

Me: “?”

But I was only a fortune-teller.

The newly appointed Tanhua Scholar was gentle and refined, a young lord as flawless as jade.

No one knew that at three, he had killed a man and slit him open from chest to belly. At five, he had peeled off a human face to make a lantern. He was born rotten to the core.

Xie Zhixing and I grew up depending on each other for survival. I exhausted every trick I had just to barely rein him in and make him pass for a normal person.

During the parade through the streets, the Commandery Princess fell in love with him at first sight. When she confessed her feelings, he politely refused.

Several days later, I was found dead in the street, violated and murdered by wandering bandits.

At last, the Commandery Princess got her wish and took my place. With a gentle smile, Xie Zhixing married her as Madam Xie.

Later, when blood dyed the capital red, this became the thing she regretted most in her life…

Without me to hold him back, Xie Zhixing went on a killing spree.

I was the quietest, shyest girl in the village.

And yet, every night, I went to the ruined temple to seduce the village’s only scholar.

The scholar never took the bait. Disheartened, I decided to steal all the money from home and run away.

He stopped me. “We agreed. When I make something of myself one day, you have to leave on your own.”

I nodded as fast as I could.

Later, he really did pass the imperial examinations with honors, and I finally gained the ability to support myself. So I asked him to sign the divorce papers.

His eyes were bloodshot. “You want to leave me?”

I was Shangjing’s most notorious female wastrel.

To rein me in, my parents somehow had a sudden stroke of genius and betrothed me to the legitimate eldest son of a fallen noble family.

He was taciturn and dull, as stiff and old-fashioned as a lecturer from the National Academy.

So, in front of my pack of disreputable friends, I swore:

“I, Yao Yao, would rather die alone-would rather jump from here-than ever marry Xie Jinghong!”

Half a year later.

The same group of friends.

They imitated me:

“I, Yao Yao~ would rather die alone~ would rather jump from here~ than ever marry Xie Jinghong~”

I recalled the flush at the corners of that man’s eyes, his breaths scented faintly of plum blossoms, his body like white jade suffused with dawn light.

After swallowing softly a few times, I slapped the table and shot to my feet.

“I’ve discovered that all of you take things way too seriously. I’m done talking to you-my husband is calling me home for dinner.”

I am the unlucky princess who got thrown into the Cold Palace.

The people above gave me two choices: either become a eunuch’s palace wife, or marry a fool.

Without the slightest hesitation, I chose to marry the fool.

After all, he comes with an extra part. I’d be getting the better deal~

To scrape together the money for my younger brother’s treatment, my father sold me to Yihong Tower.

On the eve of the day I was going to be forced to receive clients, Miss Zhao bought me.

Miss Zhao is my benefactor.

If she tells me to stab someone, I immediately sharpen the knife first.

If she tells me to set a fire, I ask her whether ten barrels of lamp oil will be enough.

If she tells me to go on a matchmaking date in her place…

Huh??

My eyes went as wide as bronze bells, and I asked Miss Zhao in horror, “What if Young Master Pei takes a liking to me?”

If I managed to ascend the throne, it was entirely thanks to my five short-lived older brothers.

Thanks to them, I now live like a beast of burden.

3:00 – Rise and wash up, then pay respects to the Empress Dowager.

4:00 – Morning lessons.

5:00 – Imperial Gate Audience.

7:00 – Breakfast.

8:00 – Handle state affairs and review memorials.

13:00 – Lunch.

14:00 – Riding and archery; inspect the princes’ studies.

15:00 – Handle state affairs.

17:00 – Free time.

19:00 – Evening lessons.

20:00 – Review memorials.

23:00 – Bedtime.

I am so done with this job!

I was a peasant woman whose child had died. At night, my breasts would swell until the pain was unbearable, but I was afraid my husband and mother-in-law would scold me, so I could only go out to the ridges between the fields alone to relieve myself.

I never expected to come across a man lying gravely wounded by the roadside.

He kept rasping, “Thirsty… so thirsty…”

I couldn’t help myself, so I let him have a mouthful of milk.

Later, I went to the General’s Mansion to serve as the Young Master’s wet nurse.

The Young Master was naughty and refused to drink.

I glanced at the Young General beside me and teased him.

“Young Master, if you still won’t drink, I’ll give it to your elder brother instead.”

That night, in a daze, I heard the Young General talking to the Young Master.

“Little ancestor, are you drinking or not? At least make a sound!”

The System let me customize my transmigration setup.

“Then I want to be high above everyone else, with all beneath me bowing in submission. I want to be irresistible, with every man fighting over me until they bash each other’s heads in. And in the end, absolutely no fade-to-black.”

The System took notes. [What does that last part mean?]

“It means I want plenty of scenes where I’m under men.”

[Got it. Arranging now.]

I opened my eyes, full of anticipation.

System, you damn genius!

You made me the Dragon Throne?