chapter 2

“Big Sister, you still haven’t told me your name.”

Ten-year-old Su Ye was sweet and innocent, with the artless charm of a child cherished by both parents.

Where clouds gather, no path can be seen; drifting clouds arrive like a dream. Yunfu.

Reversed, it became fuyun—floating clouds.

All that had come before was no more than floating cloud. So I chose Yunfu.

“You can call me Big Sister Yun.”

The name my parents gave me had been replaced on the day I entered the palace. I had been renamed several more times since then, and I could no longer remember what I was originally called. I had already died once. From now on, I wanted to live for myself—simply, happily, free in both body and heart.

I knew this county town lay close to my birthplace, yet I never considered going back.

What could returning accomplish?

When my parents sold a child, they chose me—not the sister three years older than me, not the sister two years younger, and not the brother my age.

They had taken the money. In doing so, they had accepted it as repayment for giving birth to and raising me.

Besides, returning might bring calamity upon them. They might prefer that I had died somewhere far away.

Better that we forget one another in this vast world.

The next time I saw Cheng An, he brought me a bowl of waxberries, each one so dark and ripe that my mouth watered at the sight.

“I went to pick them at Master’s estate with the others. I asked him to spare me a bowl so you could taste them.”

Cheng An was tall and lean, with thick brows and large eyes. The sun had tanned his face nearly black, and no trace remained of its former swelling. As he spoke, his gaze darted about uneasily, and his ears turned bright red.

“Have you tried them?”

“I-I don’t care for things like this.”

I did not expose the lie. I put one in my mouth. Sweet and tart, it was delicious.

The shallow bowl was entirely mine. No one would fight me for it or snatch it away.

“Is it good?”

I smiled at him, picked up another, and held it to his lips. “Try it.”

“I don’t—”

I pushed it into his mouth.

Holding back my laughter, I asked, “Is it good?”

Cheng An nodded quickly. His ears reddened further, and his damp, gentle eyes did not dare meet mine.

I had endured too much deception and vicious rivalry. In the palace, where a human life was worth nothing, everyone wore a mask and sincerity was the rarest treasure.

When I tried to feed him a second berry, he backed away warily. Then he drew out twenty copper coins and handed them to me.

“Madam rewarded me.”

“And you’re giving them to me?”

Cheng An nodded.

“Y-you-you’re my…” he stammered, unable to say it.

“The wife you bought?”

He lowered his head and murmured yes, then stole a glance to see whether I was angry or meant to refuse him.

“I have no right to reject you, but…” I paused before continuing. “Do you know my past? Do you know why I was beaten within an inch of my life? Cheng An, thank you for saving me. I am willing to do anything to repay you. If, after thinking it through, you still want me as your wife, I am willing. But you must be certain. Once the bow is drawn, the arrow cannot turn back. You need to know what kind of woman I am, what sort of temper I have…”

I fell silent. Any more would make it sound as though I were refusing him.

“I’m not trying to force you to marry me. I only… I only…” Cheng An worked his lips, desperate to explain. Eloquence was clearly not his strength.

“I understand. Nor am I rejecting you. I only want you to know the woman with whom you might spend the rest of your life.”

“It doesn’t matter to me. If you don’t want this, I can accept that too. Rest and recover. I’ll come back in a few days.”

Cheng An left behind the twenty coins and that shallow bowl of waxberries.

I had hurt the honest man after all.

I shared a few berries with Su Ye, and she was delighted.

“Big Sister Yun, these are terribly expensive. Ordinary folk like us never get to eat them. Brother Cheng An treats you so well.”

“Does he?”

Su Ye nodded vigorously. She sipped every drop of juice with great care and even looked tempted to swallow the pit.

I told her to keep the pits, scrub them clean, and dry them beneath the eaves.

“Are you planning to grow waxberries, Big Sister Yun?”

“I’ve never tried, so I don’t know if they’ll sprout. But if they do, we’ll have waxberries every year.”

“That would be wonderful.”

A child’s joy was wonderfully simple. It had not even occurred to her that if the seeds sprouted, I might grow saplings to sell—or someday acquire enough land for an entire waxberry orchard.

But that belonged to a distant future. For now, I had to recover fully. If possible, I wanted to avoid any lasting weakness.

After that day, Cheng An did not visit again, though he sent meat twice. Once, it was five or six pieces of braised pork, cooked tender and delicious. The other time, it was a chicken leg, also very good.

Su Ye and I split both portions. Afterward, she savored the memory for ages and spent a long time praising Cheng An.

I stayed at the clinic for more than twenty days before I could walk. After another twenty-odd days of recuperation, Doctor Su said I was nearly healed and that remaining at the clinic would only waste money.

Only then did I bid farewell to Doctor Su and Su Ye and set out to find Cheng An with my small bundle on my back.

I truly had nowhere else to go. I possessed no household registration, and the twenty copper coins in my hand could not even buy a place to sleep.

I had considered finding work in a restaurant kitchen, but I first needed an identity I could show others—a lawful way to live in this remote and far from prosperous Nanlin County.

My timing was poor. Cheng An was away on an errand when I reached the Zhao residence. The gatekeeper asked me several questions, directed me to wait by the side gate, and went to notify the steward.

After a long while, a matron arrived and looked me up and down. “So you’re the wife Cheng An bought for one tael?”

“…”

I lowered my eyes and murmured yes.

“Then come with me.”

I was placed in a sitting room to wait for Cheng An. People peered through the doorway as if I were some curiosity, then left giggling. They were probably saying that I was passably pretty and Cheng An had spent his one tael well.

At noon, the same matron brought me a bowl of rice mixed with beans, topped with pickled vegetables and a few glossy greens.

“Eat while it’s warm.”

“Thank you.”

“All I did was bring you a bowl of food. Cheng An should return this afternoon. What do you intend to do?”

I held the bowl in silence.

What did I intend to do? First, I needed somewhere to stay.

I knew how to make rare delicacies, but I did not dare rush out and sell recipes. Most ordinary restaurants could not even obtain all the ingredients for the dishes I knew. I had to proceed cautiously. Exposing my background might bring death down upon me.

“I know my way around a kitchen and can make several kinds of pastries. I wonder whether Madam might find my skills acceptable…”

The Zhaos were merchants. No official had appeared in the family for generations, so the household’s women were addressed as Madam rather than Lady, the title reserved for an official’s wife.

Su Ye had helped me gather those scraps of information.

The matron studied me for a moment. “You served in a wealthy household before?”

“Yes. I said the wrong thing and offended my master and mistress…”

There was no need to explain further. Anyone who served others understood. Masters needed no true reason to punish a servant. Often, they did not even bother inventing an excuse.

“If you want to stay, you’ll probably have to sign away your freedom.”

Become a bondservant again?

I did not want that.

“Did Cheng An sell himself into service?”

“The men do hard labor as hired hands. They don’t sign bondage contracts.”

Then I could do the same. I could work for the Zhao household for two years without surrendering my freedom. Once I saved some money, I could set up a stall and start a small business.

I was building castles in the air. Nothing had even been decided yet.