Chapter 4

Unfortunately, she did not die.

I had driven the gold hairpin into her chest with all my strength, yet it had missed by the smallest fraction. The physician managed to save her.

I looked at my blood-covered hands, filled with regret.

If only I had been given a dagger, I would have killed her.

“Miss, how could you be so rash?”

Xiaotao draped the cloak she had brought over me. She seemed to have a great deal to say but forced it back. She sighed, looking both distressed and exasperated.

“I was a little rash. I should have found a chance to get a dagger, or a knife. Either would have been better than a gold hairpin. Failing to kill her on the spot was my mistake.”

I spoke in all seriousness, then piled the straw behind me a little higher so I could lean back more comfortably.

I had tried to murder Pei Xiang in full view of everyone, after all.

However much Zhou Zhi wanted to protect me, he had to give the Pei family an answer.

For now, he had only locked me in the woodshed.

That, too, was because of his promise. Otherwise, he should already have handed me a dagger and told me to cut my throat and be done with it.

“Miss!”

Xiaotao’s voice rose suddenly. She held my hands tightly, looking frantic.

“I know you hate Pei Xiang and the Pei family. But there are a thousand ways to take revenge. You could make her lose the person she loves, or take everything from her. I never imagined you would simply try to kill her.”

I spread my hands and gave a helpless smile.

“I’ve never been clever. Making her lose her beloved, taking everything away—that’s far too difficult. And one wrong move could leave me dead without getting my revenge at all. What I want, in the end, is only a life for a life. It’s just a pity she’s so hard to kill.”

As my words ended,

the woodshed door was kicked open with a bang.

Xiaotao had just opened her mouth when the servants behind Zhou Zhi took her away. The door closed. His face icy, he crouched before me and seized my chin in a crushing grip.

“Shen Qingyue, you’ve truly lost your mind!”

It was the first time he had called me by my full name.

A brothel woman did not deserve a name of her own. Because mine contained the word for moon, everyone called me Yueniang. Zhou Zhi did too.

“You knew from the start that I would take revenge on Pei Xiang.”

That was why he had kept anything capable of killing out of Moon Pavilion.

But a woman was bound to wear jewelry.

Jade broke easily, so I had deliberately chosen the sturdiest gold hairpin. Still, I had failed to kill her.

Zhou Zhi’s gaze was savage, as though his anger had reached its limit. His grip on my face tightened.

“Do you understand? You tried to kill Pei Xiang in front of everyone. The Pei family came to my door demanding I kill you to answer for it!”

I caught his wrist and tried to pull his hand away, but could not move it. Instead, he seized my hands and pinned them hard against the straw-covered bed.

“Trading my life for her precious one would be worth it.”

Kill her,

and I could avenge my Ah Yuan and Ah Nuo, and myself. Even if it cost my own life, it would be a bargain.

I leaned forward a little, meeting Zhou Zhi’s eyes.

“Besides, you’ll protect me.”

When he did not speak, I pulled up my sleeve to reveal the scars on my arm.

“Brothel patrons often have peculiar tastes.”

I spoke, slowly recalling the two years before I met him.

“Some of these scars came from trying to escape. They caught me, hung me up, and beat me again and again. Later, when I was forced to receive customers, those men deliberately tormented me until I could neither live nor die.”

The scars left by dripping candle wax were proof of my humiliation.

Then I saved Zhou Zhi, and with his protection I no longer had to endure those things. But the scars would not disappear. Day and night, they reminded me never to forget that pain.

“Zhou Zhi, someone as ruined as me still dares cling to life. Without that hatred in my heart, I couldn’t have survived. So when my enemy stands in front of me, how can you expect me to hold back and not kill her?”

A sob crept into my voice.

I had barely scraped through life, finally found a chance for revenge, and still managed to ruin it.

“Zhou Zhi, my brother and sister will hate me. They’ll say their big sister is useless. She can’t even avenge them…”

Before I could finish, his hands tightened suddenly on my shoulders.

He lowered his head and bit hard into my lips.

He swallowed every word I had not yet spoken.

Blood seeped between our teeth; I could not tell whether it was his or mine. I disliked the smell of it. I tried to draw back, but he gripped the back of my head, leaving me no room to retreat.

That night was the first time he touched someone as filthy as me.

I did not know how late it grew.

I thought I might die on that bed.

He held me tightly from behind. As I drifted toward sleep, I thought I heard him say,

“Shen Qingyue, never again.”