Chapter 13

After Nanny Zhai left, Yun cried bitterly. Tear tracks still marked her little face when she fell asleep.

I left Yaohuang, the gentlest and most perceptive of my maids, with Yun and told her to comfort the child carefully.

During the year of my sister’s illness and death, Nanny Zhai had been the only person constantly at Yun’s side.

For a child who had suddenly lost her mother, losing her beloved nurse as well was no small blow.

But I believed she would get through it.

Yun was no longer alone. She had me, You, Zhao Yuhua, and her classmates and teachers at school.

Her world would keep growing. Little by little, she would forget that scheming old servant.

For the next few days, Yun remained miserable.

“I understand your feelings for Nanny Zhai,” I told her. “But every gathering must end someday. She has gone to a good life. You should be happy for her.”

Her eyes red, Yun said, “Mother, after Mama died, Nanny Zhai said she was all I had left… Now she doesn’t want me either…”

My heart ached. I closed my eyes briefly before speaking softly. “How could she be all you had? You have me, your father, both sets of grandparents, and You. We are your family, the people who love you most.”

I held her shoulders and encouraged her. “Yun, your great-grandfather is a great general who protects our country. He’s a hero! You come from a warrior’s family too. I believe in you. Whatever difficulties you face, you can hold on through them!”

Yun looked up at me. Gradually, determination entered her eyes.

She nodded hard. “I understand, Mother.”

Little by little, Yun would grow stronger.

I wanted to teach her not only how to part, but how to endure.

Yun soon recovered. Even her attitude toward You finally began to change.

During this time, I taught her whenever the opportunity arose, explained the importance of a brother born of the same mother, and made one thing perfectly clear: her mother’s death had nothing whatsoever to do with You.

That was simply the truth.

I was not the only one telling her so. Yaohuang said it, and so did her teachers.

Gradually, Yun’s wariness toward You disappeared.

The two children became close, talking about everything, as brother and sister should.

My handling of Nanny Zhai was no great secret. I could keep it from children like Yun and You, but not from the rest of the earl’s household.

The Countess and Lady Li thought the Yue family was all I relied on. Surely, after I had so ruthlessly driven away an old servant left by my sister, my natal family would have some complaint.

Mother had none. Instead, when she saw the change in the children, she hugged me and wept with gratitude.

Then, with a lavish gesture, she spent a fortune on a horse ranch outside the capital and gave it to me.

She wanted to thank me and acknowledge everything I had done.

Those in the earl’s household who had hoped to laugh at my misfortune finally gave up in disappointment.

I was deeply moved as well. Mother had not raised me, yet she understood me.

Before, with things to worry about, I had not found life in the earl’s household especially unbearable.

Once the children’s problems were resolved one by one, the days grew harder to endure.

Ten years.

How many ten-year stretches did a person have?

I missed the wind at Jiayu Pass. I missed its sand. I missed the person I had been, galloping wherever I pleased.

I was used to running wild. I simply could not bear confinement.

The horse ranch Mother bought me was exactly what my heart had wanted.

Looking over the broad, level grounds, I felt my spirits soar.

The horses I had brought from Jiayu Pass had not stretched their legs properly in so long that they had grown fat.

I rode hard all day. Far from tired, I felt utterly refreshed.

This was how a person ought to live!

After that, I spent every day at the ranch. Sometimes I took Yun and You along and had people find two ponies for them to ride.

Strictly speaking, as the heir’s wife, I should not have gone out every day.

But the Countess left household affairs alone, and Lady Li dared not cross me. I said I was going out to run the ranch, and no one could say much about it.

Zhao Yuhua had changed a good deal during this time as well. He understood now that I did not like him.

Yet he seemed to have grown accustomed to my company. He came to my rooms more and more often, sometimes even hinting that he wanted to stay the night.

“…”