Chapter 1

Chen Qingsong sent me a string of dots.

I asked again, “If we’re not kissing, do you still want to die today?”

Chen Qingsong: “…Not anymore.”

I let out a breath.

Then I sent, “I’ll come see you in a bit, then.”

When I lowered my phone and looked up, Xie Huai was staring at me with a dark expression.

“Who are you texting?”

I put my phone away. “A friend.”

Xie Huai narrowed his eyes. “What friend? Do I know them?”

Xie Huai and I had grown up together.

I knew he was handsome.

Just as handsome as Chen Qingsong.

Beautifully defined features, and eyes that always seemed full of affection.

Especially when he smiled at someone.

You couldn’t help falling for him.

But he never looked at me that way.

He also hated being teased about being the “boy raised to be my husband” or our families having “betrothed us as babies.”

We had been childhood friends for twelve years, yet we grew further apart with each passing year.

The older he got, the more he disliked me.

For no reason at all.

It used to hurt. We had been so close when we were little.

He would fight other children who bullied me, remember everything I liked, and buy me treats to cheer me up when I was sad.

So I kept trying to save our friendship.

Even when Xie Huai called me a “clingy pest.”

But now I had something else to care about—a secret.

An important secret. Far more important than my relationship with Xie Huai.

“You don’t know him,” I said. “Didn’t you say we shouldn’t go home together anymore? I’ll get going, then.”

“Xu Dusui.” Xie Huai suddenly gave a derisive laugh. “Are you sulking over what happened today?”

“Huh?”

“I asked you to help me win Luo Min over,” he said. “Did that upset you?”

For a moment, I didn’t answer.

Because I’d completely forgotten about it!

But perhaps Xie Huai misunderstood my silence.

His mood seemed to brighten all at once. “Still throwing little tantrums.”

He held out a hand, his tone casual. “What friend? Let me see. You’ve always been so naive. Don’t let some bad guy fool you.”

I couldn’t help frowning. “He’s not a bad guy.”

Xie Huai’s expression slowly stiffened.

I paid him no more attention. I turned and left.

I had a secret.

My senses had become linked to Chen Qingsong’s—the person Xie Huai hated most.

And Chen Qingsong had a secret too.

He hated being alive, and often tried to end his life.

Only I kept thwarting him.

The closest call came when I found him in an abandoned building.

His back was to me, his shirt hem fluttering. His tall, thin silhouette looked like that of someone about to ascend beyond the mortal world.

There was no elevator in the abandoned tower. By the time I reached the twelfth floor, I had no strength left.

But when I saw that he already had one leg over the railing, my vision went dark. Before I could catch my breath, I screamed his name at the top of my lungs.

“Chen Qingsong—”

He paused slightly and turned his head. Something stirred in eyes as still as stagnant water.

We stayed that way for about three seconds.

His voice was distant. “Miss Xu, what are you doing here?”

I wanted to ask him how he’d even found this place.

If I hadn’t told my family’s bodyguards to follow Chen Qingsong around the clock, I would never have found him in this unfinished building on the edge of the city.

But following someone wasn’t exactly something to be proud of.

Feeling guilty, I said quietly, “I followed you.”

“Followed me?” His expression didn’t change. He didn’t ask why. “But it isn’t safe here. You should leave.”

The exertion had left my ears ringing. I could only see his pale lips moving; I couldn’t make out a word he said.

All I knew was that one more step would send him over the edge.

So I tried to buy time. “Come over here first. I have something to tell you.”

I’d heard that people who jumped felt the air pressure rising, time stretching endlessly, blood rushing into their eyes and brains, their eardrums tearing.

Then, on impact, their organs shattered, bones pierced their flesh, and their heads burst like watermelons.

In any case, they were sensations I’d never imagined experiencing.

I’d been afraid of pain ever since I was little.

But since my senses had become linked to Chen Qingsong’s, I’d experienced, in vivid detail, suffocation, drowning, slit wrists, poisoning, and several other kinds of agony.

Although I’d stopped his earlier suicide attempts, that feeling of approaching death made me think that if he died, I really would die too.

His body was hurt, and my heart suffered—literally.

“What is it?” Chen Qingsong lowered his eyes, still looking as though nothing in the world interested him. “You can say it there.”

The rusty railing looked ready to collapse.

Against the sunset, his back looked like a bird with broken wings.

For some reason, a sudden ache went through my chest.